Tangled
by claudia1
Summary: After a curse and a night of sex with his brother Dean falls pregnant. Only Sam doesn't remember that night or the curse. currently being re-written. chapters 1-18 rewritten, beta'd. Chapter seven and sixteen is new. mpreg
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** The story is mine. The characters in the story are not.

**Notes:** This story is currently being re-written. Only the first three chapters have been beta'd.

**Notes: **A huge thank you to my beta, Mago186

* * *

Two weeks ago, his life had taken a turn for the better.

After several months of denial and many one-night stands, he had finally told Sam how he felt. In a rush of words he told Sam how he knew it was wrong to feel the way he did, but he couldn't change how he felt. Sam had just smiled at him and uttered two words: "me too." Those two words had made him the happiest man alive. With very little hesitation, he had let down the barriers around his heart and let Sam in. He had let Sam get close to him in a way that no other person had ever done before.

Then it all went wrong.

Just two days ago, Sam managed to piss of the wrong woman.

The woman, upon discovering just how much Sam loved him, had uttered a spell. It was a spell that was designed to bring the maximum amount of pain. The spell took away all of Sam's memories about their new fledging relationship. It left Sam treating him as a big brother again and not the lover he was. The spell left Sam focused on Stanford and counting down how many days he had left before he could leave. The spell left him broken hearted and repairing those barriers he around his heart that he had been too quick to let down.

Sam's forgotten memories were not the only part of the spell.

The woman bestowed new life upon him. It wasn't a new puppy or even a kitten. A gift like that would have been manageable. He is pregnant. Those are three words that he still has not managed to say aloud. More than once, he has had a small freak out about his pregnancy. He is pregnant and that breaks all laws of male biology. Knowing that Sam is the baby's dad, he can't help but think of all the ways his baby will be deformed.

He is not angry about the spell. He can find a small amount of happiness in his situation. He has had two weeks of a perfect, loving relationship with Sam; two weeks of perfect happiness to see him though to the end of his life.

Sam leaves for college in two days and he is happy Sammy has managed to grab hold of that normal life.

At least one of them has.

He knows that the baby will be born. There is nothing that will make him change his mind on that decision. He will make the time to raise the baby. He will find the time to make a normal life for his baby, even though his idea of normal is a little skewed. If he cannot manage to achieve that normal, demon free life, he will do the decent thing. He will make the most heartbreaking decision any new parent can make.

Adoption.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes: **A huge thank you to my beta, Mago186

* * *

Two weeks have past since Sam left for college. Apart from the one phone call informing that he had arrived safely and in one piece at college, there has been no contact. He knows that there will be no further contact from Sam because of that last argument. Their dad had told Sam that he was no longer wanted or needed. They had been words that were spoken in anger, but not really meant. It had just been their dad's fucked up way of making sure Sam left for college.

College had been something that he had the opportunity to do. He could have gotten that shiny degree and a normal supernatural free life. He had all of the necessary qualifications. He had acceptance letters from all of the leading colleges in America, offering him a full scholarship. He wrote to all of those colleges explaining why he wouldn't be taking up the scholarship offer. He got a reply from every one of those schools, offering their condolences and if he should ever change his mind to contact them. He never changed his mind. He stayed behind to look after a brother who had just turned 14 and a dad who was far too focused on the hunt to care for his youngest son. He had sacrificed his future for them. To this day, it had never been something he regretted.

He is now three weeks pregnant. He can be reasonably sure of that because the last time he had sex with Sam was three weeks ago. Using the same reasoning, he has worked out that his due date is April 10th. That reasoning came with the use of a pregnancy book he stole from a library. It took him three attempts to open the book. Just from what he read on the contents page, women everywhere now have his sympathies. Hell, he is even willing to take back nearly every bad or sexist remark he has made to a woman. According to what he has read in the book, he can expect heartburn and headaches during the first month of his pregnancy. He already has the headaches but he has just dismissed them as being stress related. The stress he has been under from hiding the pregnancy from his dad.

During those moments when his dad is at the library researching some supernatural creature, he has been reading the book. He knows far too many facts about pregnancy that would drive the most sane person batshit crazy. He knows how big the baby will grow in its first month, 0.2mm. It is small enough to ignore its existence but just enough to know it's there. He knows more about the creation of a new human life than he ever did before. At school, he was only ever interested in making it though to the end of a day. School had never held his interest in the same way it had for Sam. The one thing that jumps out from the pages of the book is the word "uterus." He can't have a uterus, but his being pregnant kind of laughs at that little denial. He could find a doctor who could do some sort of scan on him to find out if he has a uterus, but he knows that finding a doctor who would keep quite about the results is next to impossible.

He has managed to find some time to locate a payphone and call Sam. He gets as far as dialling the number and waiting for Sam to say hello before he hangs up. How can he even begin to explain a pregnancy to Sam? How can he tell Sam that he is going to be a father? Does he have any right to take Sam away from college with his news? He can't ruin Sam's life. It wouldn't be fair. What right does he have to keep any of this from Sam?

None at all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes: **A huge thank you to my beta, Mago186

* * *

Today was one of those days

The type of day were everything gets on your last nerve.

The day began with a phone call from a family friend; a friend whose knowledge of the supernatural is limited to what he has learned from the movies. This friend had enough knowledge to know that when his daughter summoned a spirit, it was not some childish game but the real thing. That was when he called. After a lot of shouting by this friend, we found out the spirit the girl summoned was that of a psychotic murderer. It's usually the type of spirit that will rip out a person's insides for fun. The reason the girl gave for summoning such a powerful spirit—a teacher gave her a bad grade. By the time we received this information, the teacher was dead and so were three other students. It was only by experience that the spirit was stopped before his rampage could go any further. The girl wasn't grateful that the spirit had been dealt with. The girl just focused on how the whole situation had affected her.

Straight after finishing his dad left for another solo hunt. It is one of those hunts he is not meant to ask about.

As his dad's solo hunts become more frequent it works in his favour. It will only be another four or five months before he has a pregnancy bump that is visible. The pregnancy book has become his best-read book next to a Led Zeppelin biography. He now knows loads of facts about pregnancy. He could tell someone the second month of pregnancy is when the baby's heart makes it first beat. He knows that the baby will grow to 11mm in its first month. Information like that wouldn't usually be something he took the time to learn. Being pregnant has changed that view. He has noticed the more embarrassing affects that pregnancy has on his body. His normally firm pecs are sore and tender. This is not something he can discuss with his dad. It is just something that he will have to learn to deal with on his own.

He wants Sam with him. He wants to have a long conversation with Sam just so he can share what he is going though with someone, but he knows that is a conversation he will never get to have.

He has spent the last two days attempting to find a doctor he is able to trust. He needs someone who won't use his pregnancy as a way to make some easy money. He has not had much luck in finding a doctor who is willing to help him. He only gets as far as saying the words "male pregnancy" before the laughter begins. All he needs is someone who is willing to take him seriously. There is only one doctor that he can place that amount of trust in, but that doctor is a long shot. It is a doctor he saved from a spirit. She did offer to help him if the situation ever arose. Being pregnant qualifies as a definite need, but he is not sure if can involve the doctor in his life. Anyone that he gets close to or places any trust in screws him over. Trusting the doctor is something he will have to do, but it does not mean he will let go of all of his instincts.


	4. Chapter 4

Four spirits were destroyed. Their bones were dug up from wherever they had been buried and their remains were burnt until there was nothing left but ash. Three werewolves were put down with nothing more than a silver bullet. It's clichéd, but it's one of the few things that will kill a werewolf. A skin walker was decapitated, but that method of killing was more for his own satisfaction. The skin walker was using Bobby's face. He could have used a gun but what the fuck would that have done for him. All of those hunts happened one after the other and during that time he hadn't been able to relax. Relaxation according to his dad is something they don't have time for.

He is so tired that it feels as if he has a never-ending supply of grit in his eyes. He is never still; as staying still for any amount of time would lead to sleep. Sleep, no matter how much he wants it, is a luxury he can't have. According to his dad, sleeping for three hours each night is enough. It is not enough. He needs at least seven hours sleep. Without those seven hours he is finding it increasingly hard not to kill the next person who looks at him wrong. He is angry that when he gets those three hours of sleep, it is in a motel room that was last decorated in the seventies. Just once, he would like a room that didn't give him a headache. He wants to have a bed that is clean and a mattress that doesn't have loose springs. He will never ask for that comfort, as comfort is a luxury.

He knows that most of his mood swings can be put down to the changes that are happening in his body. They are changes that he doesn't want to know all the details of. The hunter in him wants to know every detail possible about the pregnancy. They will be details that will most probably sicken and fascinate him in equal measure. The mood swings mean that he can be happy one minute and miserable the next. He constantly finds himself bottling up all of his emotions and letting them all out on the next spirit that pisses him off.

The morning sickness that he had been lucky enough to avoid for the first nine week of his pregnancy has struck with a vengeance. He had clung onto the small hope that morning sickness would just be something he didn't get. Like most things in his life, he just wasn't that lucky. The toilet is now his close personal friend. He has tried drinking juice and eating plain crackers to calm his stomach. It only helps a little bit. For the first time in months, he has put on weight instead of losing it. He is three pounds heavier. From the one pregnancy book he has, he knows that gaining weight is a good thing. It is also the first sign of just how much his body shape is going to change. He has never been out of shape. In his line of work being in shape and in peak physical condition is a must have. His pregnancy means that a good physical shape is something he will not have for a few months. Putting on weight means tasteless clothes that are usually designed with the obese in mind. Maternity clothes are not even an option he has. He can't go into a shop and buy those kinds of clothes, as it would look to weird. With just one look at him, women would instinctively know he is not the type of person to settle down.

Despite his doubts, he has been finding out about the details of his pregnancy. His only pregnancy book has become well read again. He has been reading about what happens to the uterus during pregnancy. He then attempted to work out how that information applied to him. The fetus, or Bob as he's now calling his baby, is seven centimeters in size. Everything as far as he can be sure is going okay. He has had no unexplainable pains or extreme morning sickness. He is as healthy as he can expect to be. The one problem he has with his health is that he can't be too sure what is healthy for a pregnant man. He can't assume that what happens to a woman's body during pregnancy will affect him in the same way.

The doctor that he was going to ask for help with his pregnancy and the aftercare is no longer an option. He rang the doctor's office only to discover that the doctor had been killed in a car accident 

three weeks ago. The fact that a woman he had been friendly with was dead would usually bother him, but he has far more important things to worry about. He needs another doctor; one that he can trust to keep a secret. There is a one he knows of. It is a doctor that he found while researching a hunt. The doctor implanted a fertilized egg into a close male friend and fellow doctor. It was all part of drug test to prevent miscarriage in women. The drug worked and the male friend went on to have a healthy baby girl. The doctor and his close friend could be nothing more than a story told so many times that it has become real. The doctors' names are Larry Arbogast and Alexander Heese.


	5. Chapter 5

For the last few days, he has had a headache. It's not a headache that has been caused by his pregnancy or bad eating habits. His constant headache has been caused by the continuing argument with his dad about Sam.

Dad suggested that visiting Sam would be a good idea. For the first few hours after that suggestion, he had readily agreed with his dad. Seeing Sam again would solve a lot of the problems he had. It would make him feel better for all of a few minutes. Then his dad's suggestion about visiting Sam became more insistent. He knew that his dad wanted more than to see Sam again. The visit would be all about convincing Sam to rejoin the hunt and he couldn't let that happen. Once he had regained full control of his emotions, he had asked his dad why it was so important that they see Sam again. His dad had casually replied that he needed at least one son who was in good shape as his hunting partner. With those words, he had come so close to breaking several bones in his dad's body. He came so damn close to actually doing it that he had to walk away from his dad.

Before walking away, he took the time to tell his dad a few home truths.

He began with telling John about all the hard work Sam had done so that he could get that full scholarship at one of America's top colleges. A scholarship that meant Sam wouldn't have to ask them for help. He explained in detail that Sam had a life filled with friends and fun. Friends that would never have to know about the supernatural world's existence. He told his dad that Sam deserved to have a normal life. A life that he should be allowed to experience without the interruption of hunt obsessed father.

A few hours after the argument, all mention of visiting Sam had been dropped.

* * *

It has taken him a week, but he finally managed to speak to Doctor Larry Arbogast. The first five times he called the clinic he only managed to talk to the receptionist. On his sixth attempt at contacting the doctor, at last he succeeded. He found it easier than expected to tell a stranger that he is pregnant. There is no shocked silence or the doctor calling him a freak. Doctor Arbogast listens to every word he has to say without any interruption. Once he has finished talking, Doctor Arbogast tells him it would be better if he came to the clinic. As he isn't used to anyone doing anything for him unless it came with serious strings attached, he is immediately suspicious. Doctor Arbogast takes the time to reassure him; telling him that the fewer people who know about the pregnancy the better. Doctor Arbogast continued to tell him of the importance of coming to the clinic straight away. Within the space of one phone call, he has found a doctor and an urgent need to go to the Casthas Clinic.

The only problem he has is how to get to the clinic without his dad following him. It takes him an hour just to think of a lie good enough. He told his dad that an old friend had called asking for his help. He explained that his friend wanted things done quietly so it had to be a solo hunt. He left for the hunt taking the long and complicated route so that his dad would be unable to follow him. It took him an extra two hours to get to his final destination, but it was worth it. His dad had no idea where he had gone.

When he reached the clinic, it was 9pm. He didn't bother to park his car around the back of the clinic, as he knew that he was not followed. He instead parks the Impala in the receptionist reserved parking space. Once the car was secure, he made his way into the clinic and saw someone he could only assume was Doctor Arbogast. He very quickly assessed the doctor, mentally calculating the ways he could kill the man with just his thumb. With a smile and satisfied that he could kill the man if he tried anything, he walked closer to the man.

"Dean, I'm glad you could make it to the clinic so quickly. My colleague, Doctor Heese, is waiting for us in my office." Doctor Arbogast said.

"Lead the way." Dean replied.

As Doctor Arbogast led the way to his office, Dean took in the general layout of the clinic. On the walk down the long hallway, he found at least five different exits that involved using the front entrance. When they finally reached the office, he let the doctor walk in first, unwilling to have a stranger at his back.

"Dean, sit down." Doctor Arbogast said as he took his customary seat behind the desk. He wasn't going to patronize Dean by sitting on the edge of the desk.

Dean sat down on a chair, slightly comforted by the fact that he had several deadly weapons upon his person.

"Dean, it's a pleasure to meet you. You will have to forgive me when I say I wish you weren't here though. Could you please tell me how you came to be pregnant?" Doctor Heese asked.

Dean knew he could lie to the doctors, but honesty was needed to get the necessary help with his pregnancy. He knew that what he said next would shatter the doctors' views of normal, but he could only be slightly sorry for that. Taking a breath, he said, "The paranormal exists. I hunt evil and for me that is normal. Sam used to be my partner on the hunt and in my personal life. Three and half months ago, Sam pissed of the wrong demon. A curse was spoken and Sam forgot all about our relationship. He treated me as if I meant nothing to him. The baby is a result of the last night I spent with Sam as his lover. The demon gave me this ability to have a baby, not out of kindness, but as a punishment."

"Dean I know that it doesn't feel like it at the moment but this baby is a gift." Doctor Heese said. He knew from experience just how hard it was to deal with being pregnant.

"I…" Any other words Dean had been about to say remained unspoken when Doctor Arbogast interrupted him. "Demons exist," he whispered.

"I'm not expecting you to believe me. I just need your help." Dean said

"We believe you Dean. It's not everyday that someone casually tells you that demons are real. You have just confirmed something that until his moment had been nothing more than myth." Doctor Heese said.

"There are times when it all was just myth." Dean admitted.

Sensing that Larry would continue to carry on the discussion about evil and its roots, Doctor Heese steered the conversation back to Dean's pregnancy. "Tell me more about Sam."

With silent promises of untold pain if the doctors so much as looked at him wrong he said, "Sam is the only person I will ever love, but I can never be open with that love because he is my brother."

"You haven't told Sam about this pregnancy?" Doctor Heese asked. The fact that Sam was Dean's brother meant nothing to him. He wasn't going to disapprove of who a person choose to love.

"Sam doesn't remember our relationship. How can I tell him about the baby?" Dean asked.

"Due to who the father of the baby is, there are a number of tests that will have to be carried out. These tests will confirm if the baby is developing as it should. However, you could choose to opt out of these tests." Doctor Heese said.

"I want those tests. It doesn't matter if this baby isn't perfect. I don't care." Dean replied with conviction.

Smiling despite the seriousness of the situation, Doctor Heese continued. "As this is a male pregnancy, the tests will not be carried out until the later stages of your pregnancy. Until then, Doctor Arbogast and I will be keeping a close watch on your health and that of the baby."

"We could perform an ultrasound." Doctor Arbogast suggested.

"Ultrasound?" Dean asked.

"An ultrasound is a method of obtaining images of your baby. We will be able to determine the exact stage of your pregnancy. We can also find out if you are having more than one baby," Doctor Arbogast explained.

"Is there anything I need to do for this ultrasound?" Dean asked

"No, but I do think we should all go and get a coffee. It's been a busy day at the clinic and I can only assume that you haven't had the time to relax," Doctor Arbogast suggested. It would also be a chance to get to know Dean.

* * *

_Sam held Jessica closer to his body, seeking out her warmth and comfort when he was hit with a strong sense of déjà vu. He could remember holding someone in the same way before, but that person had been taller than Jessica. He could remember the soft touch of the person's skin. He could remember feeling happy and completed. He knew that it was a real memory; he just couldn't remember that person's face._

_The one thing that he did remember above all else though, was the freckles._

* * *

With the sonogram picture safely tucked behind two credit cards in his wallet, Dean finally let himself smile. It had been nerve-wracking lying on the table and having the ultrasound performed. He had felt vulnerable and exposed with the upper part of his body naked. It was the only the presence of his favourite blade, hidden in his biker boot, that had calmed him. The biggest shock of the ultrasound however, had been seeing the image of his baby on the little screen.

He was stood in front of the clinic's vending machine change in had searching for something to eat.

"You really shouldn't be eating junk food," Angela said. She knew just how hypocritical she sounded with those words. During each of her three pregnancies, junk food had been the only thing she would eat.

"And you are?" Dean asked. He wasn't going to start a conversation with someone he had never met.

"Angela Arbogast," she replied.

"What are you doing here?" Dean asked. He wasn't going to believe a word of what Angela was saying as the truth. He had long ago learned that people could rarely be taken at face value.

Angela knew that Dean didn't mean to come across as rude and unwelcoming. He had just been told something he didn't want to hear by a woman he barely knew. She smiled to ease the tension and said, "Larry told me that you would be here. Before you start panicking or looking for the nearest available exit, Larry told me because he was worried about you. He knows how hard it was for Alex when he was pregnant with Junior. Alex had the support of his friends and great doctors. Larry wants you to have that same support."

"I have the doctor's support," Dean replied.

"You need friends as well. From what little I have seen and heard about you its obvious friends are something you lack. I'm not saying this to be spiteful; I only want you to realize that friends are an asset," Angela replied as she took the loose change from Dean's hand and put it into the vending machine.

"How will friends be an asset?" Dean asked even though he knew part of the answer. Friends would mean having someone he could talk to about his pregnancy, without the fear of being mocked.

Pressing the numbers 5 and 8 on the vending machine to get the Mars Bar she said, "I don't know what has made you so distrustful of people, but I can assure that I am a great friend to have. I can tell you the more interesting facts about pregnancy or we can just talk. You could tell me anything."

"Anything?" Dean asked.

"Tell me something that you think will shock me or you could just tell me what you had for lunch," Angela said as she took the Mars Bar out of the vending machine and gave it to Dean.

Accepting the Mars Bar from Angela, he briefly thought of the many different ways he could lie to her. It would be so easy to tell Angela something good, but having a friend he could be honest with appealed to him. Licking his lips he said, "I hunt paranormal creatures. The things that most kids see as a scary bedtime story have always been a reality for me. Hunters like me are the reason people like you can sleep easy at night."

"What about vampires?" Angela asked.

"They exist. Sunlight doesn't bother them, crosses don't work, and neither does garlic. The only thing that will work is decapitation." Dean casually replied.

"Bigfoot?" Angela asked.

"He exists, but most hunters leave him alone as he's harmless. Those that go after Bigfoot learn real quick why that isn't a good thing to do," Dean said.

"Fairies and pixies," Angela said. Those were two creatures that she could think of that sounded normal, not so much evil.

"Pixies like to play tricks on you, but they are relatively harmless until you piss them off. Fairies are blood thirsty monsters who are nothing like Tinkerbell." Dean then stopped half-way through his explanation. Angela seemed to be taking the existence of the paranormal a little too easily. So he spoke the one word that had never let him down. "Christo."

Angela's eyes remained a normal hazel colour. She wasn't possessed by a demon. She was just taking the news of paranormal creatures very well.

"Christo, what does that mean?" Angela asked.

"Tell me what I can expect with the pregnancy cravings." Dean asked instead.

Letting Dean's change of subject slide by without making any comment on it she replied, "I used to eat pickles covered in chocolate. The weirdest craving I had was for fudge-covered bananas dipped in mustard and salsa sauce. I used to drive Larry mad with my pregnancy cravings. He told me Sam doesn't know about the baby."

"I was in the scanning room for 45 minutes and Larry found the time to tell you everything he knew about me." Dean commented.

With a fond smile for her husband, Angela simply said, "Larry has always been a fast talker when he is worried about someone. He told me all about your unique case. After the mini paranormal pop quiz, I can understand why. You do need to tell Sam about the baby."

"How can I tell Sam about the baby if he doesn't remember our relationship?" Dean asked.

"Go and see Sam. Tell him all about this pregnancy and the curse. You should tell him all that he needs to know. He will either be shocked or welcome you with open arms. Telling Sam everything now will save you from future heartache," Angela said.

Putting the unopened mars bar in a nearby bin Dean said, "It's not that easy."

"Nothing worth doing rarely is," Angela replied.


	6. Chapter 6

For the past ten minutes, he has been attempting to read the same webpage with information about shape shifters. He has made it as far as the first two sentences. The information contained in those two sentences proved to be useless. Every time he attempts to read any further, his dad does something to interrupt him.

It began with sighs that were too loud to be sighs.

Then came the muttered insults that he wasn't meant to hear, but he did.

After the last muttered insults about his lack of hunting skills, he finally lost his temper. He slammed down the top laptop, making a mental note to check for damage later on.

"What did you just say?" Dean asked. He did his best to keep his voice at a normal level, but failed completely. He wanted his words to sound casual but they came out as harsh.

"You've put on weight around your middle. You are becoming lazy," John said stating what he believed to be fact.

Mentally counting to ten in an attempt to calm down Dean said, "When you go to the nearest bar each night _I_ stay behind in our motel room to research the latest hunt. When you come back to the room and pass out drunk on a bed, I go back to the bar to hustle back the money you have wasted. I still put the same amount of time and effort into the hunt, but that is not enough for you. You still view me as being lazy. I have put on about four or five pounds in the last three months. That doesn't mean I'm overweight!"

"The only effort you make on each hunt is the research. You spend hours in the library or you are glued to that fucking laptop looking for information we just don't need to know. You have lost that enthusiasm you used to have for the hunt. That lack of interest will get you killed."

To reign in his temper Dean began to mentally bludgeon his dad to death with various metal objects. With that mental show of murder playing over and over again in his mind, he said, "Knowing all of the facts about a hunt prevents us from making any dumb ass mistakes. You never seem to complain about all the research I do until the hunt is over."

"You are not Sam so stop trying to act like you are!"

The little mental show he had going was no longer working. What little control he had over his temper snapped when his dad had mentioned Sam. "Don't you _dare_ compare me to Sam! I have nothing in common with him. Sam left for college. He took his way out of the hunt when it was offered to him. Unlike him I have never left the hunt."

"What is keeping you here Dean? Why haven't you run of to join your brother," John demanded.

"The demon that killed mom is the only thing keeping me here. I'm going to get something to eat," Dean said. He walked passed his dad and out of the motel room, slamming the door shut behind him. It was times like these he gave serious thought to leaving his dad behind to hunt for the demon alone.

* * *

_Two coffee cups sat untouched on the table that occupied the furthest corner of the motel room. Dean's bag was packed and sitting on top one of the beds. _His_ bag was nowhere to be seen. Other than the two coffee cups, there was no sign that the room had two occupants. Stepping closer to the table, he picked up one of the cups, but found it cold to the touch. As he placed the cup back on the table, he noticed that it had no writing on it._

_As he did a quick 360 of the room, he noticed that there was no sign of any kind of writing or letters in the room. With a growing sense of dread, be walked over to the window and pulled back the curtains._

_There was nothing outside but the parking lot and a baby in a car seat. He looked at the baby for so long that the room around him faded away. Now the car seat was merely inches from him. The baby looked so much like Dean. It had Dean's freckles and his lips. He reached own to pick up the car seat, but his hand passed though the handle._

* * *

He woke up with Jessica curled against him. One arm was holding Jessica close to him, but he other was holding a teddy bear.

Before the argument with his dad, Dean had called Doctor Heese to confirm his second appointment. He had the same story ready that he used before to explain a three-day absence from the hunt.

He has just finished his third coffee and was about to order a refill when his dad walked into the diner. He had wanted more than just thirty minutes to relax before his dad tried to restart the argument. He didn't say anything as he watched John slide into the booth and order a coffee from a passing waitress.

"You're finally making an effort with a diet," John commented, accepting the coffee from the waitress with a smile.

Ignoring a remark that was obviously meant to push a few buttons he said. "Is there another job that we have to do or do I get to sleep for more than four hours?"

"Dean, we need to sort out this situation. We can't go into our next job pissed off with each other. You…we need to be focused on the hunt," John explained.

"I'm not pissed off. Hell, I'm not even angry. It's what I expect from you. I don't need to calm down or focus on the hunt. The only reason you are here is to get an apology from me and you're not getting one," Dean replied. He wasn't in the mood to tell his dad everything he wanted to hear just so everything could return to normal.

"Dean, you have to admit that you haven't been as focused on the hunt."

"I have a job lined up for an old friend. He has agreed to pay me two thousand dollars up front and three thousand after I have finished. He has only one condition and that is just for me to be there. He doesn't want what remains of the Winchester family showing up on his doorstep," Dean said.

"Is it the same friend as before or a different one?" John asked.

"Different friend," Dean replied.

"Tell me about this friend," John requested. He wanted Dean to provide him all the necessary details about this friend so he would be able to prove his existence.

"I met him during Sam's final year of high school. It was the one time you agreed to stay long enough so Sam could finish the year at the same high school."

"What is this friend's name?" John asked.

"Kevin," Dean replied easily enough.

Looking Dean straight in the eye, he searched for any sign that he was being lied to. When he was completely satisfied that Dean was telling him the truth he said, "I want you to check in with me when you met this friend. How long will this hunt take?"

"Four days, five tops if I run into any complications," Dean informed.

"When are you leaving?"

"As soon as I can. Kevin seemed panicked on the phone," Dean said. He wasn't going to believe his dad's easy acceptance of the job at face value.

"Just be careful son," John said.


	7. Chapter 37

Dean leaned back on the couch that occupied the left side of Doctor Heese's office. He knew that if he moved just a couple of inches to the right he could easily fall asleep. The couch was a lot more comfortable than most motel beds he had slept in.

"Dean," Doctor Heese called. He felt guilty for disturbing Dean; the young man looked so relaxed, but they needed to discuss his scans. To compensate for disturbing him, the doctor had bought a hot coca.

"Yeah?" Dean mumbled. If he could just have a few more minutes to relax, he would be more willing to deal with whatever Doctor Heese wanted to tell him.

"We need to talk about the scans I did three weeks ago. I have a hot coca for you," Doctor Heese said.

Just the mention of the scans snapped Dean out of his state of relaxation. Stretching to work out any kinks, he moved forward slightly, sat up straighter, and accepted the drink from the man. "What about the scans?"

Ignoring Dean's question for now, Doctor Heese asked, "How much sleep have you been getting?"

"Enough," Dean replied taking a small sip of the hot cocca and enjoying the taste.

"Dean, it's obvious that you are not getting enough sleep. You should be sleeping for at least eight hours. Judging by the dark circles under your eyes, you have been getting less than half of that. What is keeping you so busy that sleep isn't important?" Doctor Heese inquired.

"I hunt paranormal creatures. That has never been a normal nine to five job." Dean explained.

"I understand that you have a job that has unsociable hours, but you shout not allow that to have a detrimental affect on your sleep. I know from experience that rest and relaxation during pregnancy is essential. When the baby arrives, relation becomes a thing of the past." Doctor Heese explained.

"Doc, I'm busy all the time. Slowing down and taking it easy are not options I have. Tell me about the scans." Dean demanded.

"The sonogram proved that your baby's development is perfectly normal. Despite that good news, I want to perform an amniocentesis test. The amniocentesis test is used to detect any possible abnormalities in the baby. We can do it now or wait until tomorrow."

"I want the test done now," Dean replied. He did not want to delay a test in which he could find out the health and development of his baby.

"I thought you may, but why don't you finish your hot coca first," Doctor Heese suggested.

* * *

"I don't want Dean going back to the motel room after his appointment is finished. I want that boy to come home with us have a good home cooked meal and stay with us for a couple of days," Angela said to her husband.

"Honey, don't you think we should ask Dean what he wants before making any plans for him?" Larry asked in return.

"Dean needs to relax. Did you see how exhausted he looked? I will not have him going back on the road like that," Angela said.

With a fond smile at his wife's determination, he simply replied, "Dean does not strike me as the type of person who likes to be told what he can or cannot do."

"After the tests I am assuming Alex will be performing on Dean, he will need to rest. A bed in a motel room is not the best place for that; our spare bedroom is. I want Dean to realize that he can depend on us," Angela said.

"I'm sure Dean knows he can depend on us. After all, he trusts us to help with his pregnancy. That shows he has a high level of trust in us. We don't need to convince Dean of anything," Larry replied.

"Are you telling me that Dean isn't welcome in our house?"

"Angela, honey, I'm just trying to tell you that Dean is capable of looking after himself. He may already have made arrangements with a motel," Larry said, trying to placate his wife.

"Dean will be staying with us for a few days. Any plans he may or may not have can be delayed or cancelled. I will not have Dean spending time alone after these tests. I can still remember how I needed to be comforted when I went though what Dean is going though," Angela said.

* * *

The amniocentesis test had only taken a few minutes. Dean had moved off the bed and was now sitting on of the two chairs in the room. The chair wasn't as comfortable as the bed had been, but he was thankful for that. Being slightly uncomfortable would mean there was less chance of him falling asleep. The test had not been painful, as Doctor Heese had taken the necessary steps to make sure that he wouldn't feel anything. All throughout the test the doctor had explained each movement he made and its purpose. Doctor Heese had taken the time to reassure the hunter that his baby would not feel a thing. Despite the explanations and complete knowledge of the test, there were still questions he had to ask.

"How reliable is this test?" Dean asked attempting to occupy his mind with something other than the two weeks he would have to wait for the test results.

"It is 99 percent reliable when identifying any chromosome abnormalities. On the very slim chance that your baby had an abnormality that would severely limit its quality of life, the option of abortion would be offered," Doctor Heese explained. He had chosen to emphasize the words "very slim" so Dean would not focus on the word abortion too much.

"The scans show that Bob is normal. What are the chances that this test proves the scans are wrong?"

"I can't be sure until the final test results come back. At the moment, everything is okay." Doctor Heese replied.

Dean wanted to tell the doctor that those words were not enough to calm his fears, but he didn't. He had other questions that he needed answers for; questions that would stop him from focusing on the test too much. "Despite being five months pregnant, I'm not getting a lot of sleep. I have these odd bursts of energy where I can keep going for a few extra hours."

With a small chuckle, Doctor Heese replied, "I was exactly the same while pregnant. I later found out from a friend that it's some sort of a nesting instinct. You want your home to be neat and clean. It got so bad for me that I was washing the walls."

"Washing walls that is kind of freaky," Dean said

"It was only Larry coming home early from work that stopped me from re-painting the ceiling." Doctor Heese replied.

"The only thing that I've been doing to excess is cleaning my guns," Dean remarked casually.

"That's the only thing you have been doing to excess?" Doctor Heese asked.

"Well research, but that's an important part of my job," Dean explained. He only saw the research as something that was required to ensure a successful hunt. It didn't even occur to him that he was picking up the slack that Sam had left behind by leaving. "That can't be a nesting instinct."

"Why not?" Doctor Heese asked. The nesting instinct was different for each mother to be. He knew of one woman who re-built her entire house.

"Cleaning weapons and researching the paranormal creature I happen to be hunting has nothing to do with a nesting instinct," Dean said.

"Maybe not, but it's a part of your life that you can control." Doctor Heese replied.

Still unsure as to whether his actions could be seen as some kind of fucked up nesting instinct, he asked, "Is it normal to feel as if my feet are getting larger as the pregnancy progresses?"

"It's fluid collecting in your feet. You should keep your feet elevated as often as possible. You need to relax, but since I know you won't be doing that I recommend getting shoes that are half a size bigger," Doctor Heese said.

"My feet are going to be screwed up until the kid is born?" Dean asked.

"Yes, but you can make it better by trying to relax as much as possible. Are there any questions that you want to ask me as someone who has been though a male pregnancy?"

"It sounds stupid with the things I have seen and done but I have this fear of falling," Dean said.

"Dean, it's not stupid. Nearly all pregnant men or women have that same fear. I had that same fear of falling as well. Your baby is well protected from the outside world. It is protected by abdominal muscles, foetal membranes and amniotic fluid. All of this protects your baby. It would take a serious accident for anything to harm it." Doctor Heese explained.

"Is there anything I can do to help with the baby's health?"

"You need to have a good, healthy diet. Junk food should be avoided. Sometimes it is a good idea to take vitamins, especially designed for pregnant people, but it is not something you should do everyday," Doctor Heese said.

"I can't have bacon?" Dean asked with a frown.

"You can have a small amount of bacon, but you can't have too much. Would you like to know the gender of your baby?" Doctor Heese asked, in an attempt to distract the young man.

Dean wanted to tell Doctor Heese that yes, he wanted to know if his baby was a girl or boy, but he could utter those words. Knowing the baby's gender would give him even more reasons to make plans for the future. "I want to wait until I get the test results back."

"Waiting is okay. I should warn you that while we have been in here talking Angela has been talking to Larry."

With a tired smile, Dean simply asked, "What is Angela planning?"

"With Angela who knows," Doctor Heese replied.

* * *

Angela watched as Dean walked towards her with Doctor Heese. She instantly knew that her decision to convince Dean to come home with her was a good one. Dean had dark circles under his eyes. The sparkle that had been present in those eyes when she had met him was gone.

"Angela," Dean said as he got closer to her.

"Dean, you are coming home with me. Larry is getting our spare bedroom ready for you. We have a garage you can use for the Impala," Angela informed the man.

"I'm staying at a motel," Dean said.

Angela knew that Dean would come up with a reason not come home with her and she had planned for that. "Dean, the kids are staying with their grandparents for a week. We have a bed that is far more comfortable than a motel. Would you deny Larry the chance to admire the Impala?"

The very real prospect of a decent bed in a home with people he could trust did sound good. Still, there was a part of him that couldn't help but think there was a catch. With that thought in mind, he asked, "What's the catch?"

"It would be nice to have a conversation with a man about pregnancy and not have to change the subject," Angela replied.

"You could talk to Doctor Heese," Dean suggested. He wasn't going to give into Angela's strong suggestion too easily. He didn't want Angela to think he was needy or desperate in any way.

"Alex had junior a little over ten years ago. You are pregnant and that is something we could talk about. It would be nice to just talk," Angela said.

"I can only stay for three days," Dean replied.

"Three days will just have to do," Angela said with a smile.

* * *

On Sam's small kitchen table sat two cups of coffee. One cup was loaded with sugar and cream. The other cup was just plain coffee. One of the cups was for Dean and the other was for him. He could tell himself that making two cups coffee had been a mistake but it would be a lie. He had made the two cups of coffee in the small hope that Dean would be there to drink it.

He picked up the cup loaded with sugar and cream he was about to take a sip when something stopped him. He didn't want to type of coffee he usually drank. He wanted the one he had made for Dean. Placing his cup back on the table he picked up Dean's and took a big mouthful. The coffee was a lot bitterer than he was used to but, it made him feel closer to his brother.

The dream he had about a baby in a car seat was bothering him. He knew that it meant something important that he should know about, but he couldn't remember. It also bothered him that he could make Dean a cup of coffee in the hopes that he would magically appear.

Why was he having such weird dreams? What was his subconscious trying to get him to remember?

* * *

Dean stared at the fruit juice and wrinkled his nose in disgust. He wanted a black coffee not this healthy crap. He knew that this was Angela's way of trying to get him to drink and eat healthy things but he didn't want to do it. He didn't care if he came across as childish he wanted a damn coffee.

Unable to stop herself from smiling, Angela recognized herself in Dean. It was exactly how she had looked when told she could no longer have chocolate while pregnant. "Dean it's not a glass of nails."

"Do I really have to drink this?" He asked.

"It's good for the baby. You know that drinking all that coffee isn't good," Angela replied.

"I like coffee," Dean mumbled, but he still drank half of the fruit juice. Upon finding that he actually liked it, he finished of the rest.

"Have you talked to Sam about the baby?" Angela asked.

"How can I tell Sam about Bob? He doesn't remember the relationship we had. Telling Sam about Bob isn't something I'm about to do." Dean said. He wasn't going to risk being rejected by Sam.

"You are going to deny Sam the right to know his own child?" Angela asked, shock plain to see on her face.

Eyes hardening at Angela's suggestion he was denying Sam something he deserved, Dean said, "Sam worked so hard to get into college and I'm not about to take that away from him. If you were in my situation, would you tell Sam about the baby?"

"Yes," she quickly answered.

"Bullshit. I can't allow Sam back into my life just because I'm having his baby. I'm not going to put my heart on the line." Dean silently cursed himself for being a weepy hormonal chick.

"It's worth making the effort," Angela said.

"Do you even know how hard it is to be a pregnant man and a hunter? This pregnancy is unusual and virtually unheard of in both our worlds. If hunters found out about this pregnancy, they would track me down and kill me. They wouldn't take the time to ask questions. They would just assume I'm some demon's bitch and take a huge amount of enjoyment in killing me," Dean replied angrily.

"Sam wouldn't react in the same way," Angela said gently.

"The first thing Sam would do is grab a shotgun and then he would tie me to a chair. He would then perform an exorcism, attempting to get rid of a demon inside me I just don't have. Sam wouldn't kill me, but what he would do is worse than death."

Angela had known that Dean's pregnancy would be fraught with danger, but she had not realized just how dangerous it would be. She was now more concerned than she had been about Dean going back to his life as a hunter. A very big part of her wanted to keep Dean safe by ensuring he stayed at the house for the rest of his pregnancy. The more sensible and less emotional part of her knew that Dean would react badly to being confined to one place for so long. "If by some small chance Sam remembers everything, promise me you tell him about the baby."

"Promise," Dean said quickly.

"How did the amniocentesis test go?" Angela asked, knowing it was time to change the subject.

"Okay. Doctor Heese explained what was happening as he performed the test. He told me how reliable it is," Dean replied.

"When do you get the results?"

"Doctor Heese has arranged another appointment for two weeks time. I'll get the results then."

"Would you like me to be with you at the next appointment?" Angela asked. She didn't want Dean to be alone when he found out the test results.

"Yeah," Dean said. He wanted to tell Angela how grateful he was, but his throat had closed up with emotion. Angela had offered to support him in a way that no person had ever done before.


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes:** Thank you to my beta mago186

* * *

Two days ago, his eldest son had given John five thousand dollars. It was a large sum of money that he rarely had the chance to be in possession of. He didn't even bother to count the money Dean had given him. He had just taken it without uttering a word of thanks. He didn't ask Dean about the job because if he was honest with himself, he just wanted the money. He should feel like a complete bastard for taking it and not thinking about the well-being of his son, but he felt fine. In his own mind, the money Dean had given him was long over due. He had supported Dean for years. He had given Dean the Impala. The five thousand dollars was just money Dean owed him.

Instead of congratulating Dean on a job well done, he had just arranged another hunt. It was a hunt that would take at least two months. After it was finished, he could just as easily organize another one. He had no need to worry about cash and time away from Dean would be a good thing.

* * *

Dean had never been the type of person to stay in a motel on his own; not when he could be doing other things. For Dean there had always been people to hustle, people to save, and people to fuck.

Now none of that was possible.

Dean was nearly six months pregnant. He could no longer go to the nearest bar and hustle some poor schmuck out of his paycheck. He couldn't take the risk that his baby would get hurt when the schmuck reacted badly to losing. Sex hadn't really been that much of an option. The hunts he could do were limited to what was safe and what wouldn't get him noticed by other hunters. That unfortunately left him with run of the mill haunting's. Haunting's that involved harmless ghosts who couldn't move on, but did once they met a few cocky words and a shotgun. Most motels he stayed in had a television that only worked via a money slot. He had no intention of giving the motel any extra money when it was obvious that money wouldn't be spent on the motel. The laptop was next form of entertainment, but there were only so many websites you could view before getting pissed of.

He could always think about Sam and the promise he made to Angela.

Could he really go though his entire pregnancy without contacting Sam and telling him about the baby? Could he really be a selfish prick and deny Sam something that he has every right to know? He knows that his brother's normal college life will be shattered if he tells Sam about the baby. He can't destroy Sam's well-deserved slice of normal for his own selfish needs. How can he tell Sam about the baby? Sam doesn't even remember their relationship as lovers.

In the last couple of days, he has done something that goes against everything he believes in. He broke nearly every one of his no chick flick rules. He pushed aside all of the embarrassment he felt, went into a grocery store, and purchased two pregnancy magazines.

He told the cashier who served him that the magazines were for his girlfriend. The cashier had smiled at him in such a way that he had wanted to strangle her. It was a reaction that he had only just managed to suppress. He knew that his reaction to the cashier's simple response had been more severe than normal. As a pregnant man, he can't do what a pregnant woman can. He can't enjoy his pregnancy the same way a woman would. It's not a luxury he can afford to have. A woman is free to proudly show of her bump and receive countless compliments. He has to hide his beneath layers of clothing.

The pregnancy magazines have been a valuable source of information. He has read about stress levels and how they shouldn't be too high during pregnancy. Apart from it being an obvious piece of information it also made him laugh. He hunts paranormal creatures, he is pregnant by his own brother, and he has a dad would kill him if he found out. The community of hunters would hunt him down like he was the most evil creature alive. It is impossible to remain calm. The magazine did recommend two different methods of relaxation. Yoga or swimming. Since swimming is something that happens in front of people, he isn't going to be doing that. He doesn't want anyone laughing at his bump. He isn't sure if he would be able to control his reaction.

* * *

_Sam opened his eyes and found he was sitting on a plastic chair. Stretching his arms to work out the kinks in his back, he nearly knocked over a piece of hospital equipment. It was only his quick reflexes that stopped the equipment from falling to the ground. Getting up from the chair, he noticed for the first time that he was in a hospital room and someone was in the bed. He tried to think of how he came to be in the room, but nothing came to mind. He took a step close to the bed trying to identify the person laying on it. It didn't matter what position he stood in, he just simply couldn't see the person's face._

_In an effort to identify the individual on the bed, he looked at how the person was dressed. He instantly recognized the biker boots that seemed to be so out of place in a hospital room. The person was wearing an old seventies tour t-shirt, but he couldn't see any letters that would identify the band. Then he noticed the chain around the person's neck, but he couldn't see if there was anything on the end of that chain. He reached out to touch the person only to wake up again._

_This time there was no hospital room, only his cold bedroom._

* * *

"What are the test results?" Dean asked impatiently as he looked at Angela and the two doctors in the room. He wanted to find out if Bob was healthy. He wanted to know if Bob had any serious complications from being the child of two brothers.

"Dean, you have only been here for ten minutes. The test results will have to wait just a little bit longer. Tell us what you have been up to," Doctor Heese asked. He had no intention of telling Dean anything until he had calmed down.

"I've taken care of a few haunting's, but aside from that not a lot has happened," Dean replied.

"What has happened in the last two weeks to make you so anxious? I know that the test results are only partially to blame," Angela asked.

"I bought two pregnancy magazines," Dean said, placing a hand on his bump. At that moment, he needed to feel the small movement of his baby. He needed that calm reassurance.

"That's a good thing," Angela commented.

"How is it a good thing? When I bought those magazines I had to tell the cashier they were for a girlfriend."

"The fact you had to lie to protect yourself and Bob from unwanted questions and condemnation bothers you, but you did the right thing Dean," Angela said.

"Then why do I feel so guilty?" Dean asked.

"You believe that by telling no one other than those who already know about the pregnancy you are hiding something. I suspect that the longer you hide this pregnancy from everyone the more you will feel guilty," she replied.

"That's not true," Dean said.

"Have you told Sam?" Angela asked.

"Doctor Heese, I want those test results," Dean said, deliberately choosing to ignore Angela's question.

"Dean," Angela said, her voice carrying a hint of reprimand.

"Angela, Sam hasn't remembered anything so I'm not going to tell him anything. Doctor Heese could I have those test results now?" Dean asked.

"Your baby is healthy. No abnormalities were found. You have nothing to worry about," Doctor Arbogast replied.

"Healthy," Dean said repeating the word that he never believed he would hear when it came to Bob.

"Would you like to know the baby's gender?" Doctor Arbogast asked.

"Yes."

"You are having a boy." Doctor Arbogast replied.

For a few seconds fear flooded though him. What if he raised his son to be a hunter? Would he be as bad of a father as his own dad? Would he be a good parent? Smiling, despite all of the questions flowing though his mind, he said, "I'm just pleased that Bob is healthy."

Taking a small paper pad of the desk Doctor Heese gave it to Dean and said, "On the first page of that pad is a movement chart. Following the example given, I want you to keep track of when your baby moves and for how long."

"What about the heartburn I have been getting?" Dean asked.

"Heartburn is a normal party of pregnancy. As a baby grows, it puts pressure on your digestive system. Due to this being a male pregnancy there are a number of differences as to how the baby grows in you. Because of this, your heartburn will be more severe. I strongly recommend that you avoid all spicy and rich food." Doctor Heese explained.

"I've already been avoiding that stuff," Dean informed them.

"Good. If you could step onto the scales, I would like to check your weight," Doctor Heese said. He wanted to be sure that Dean was gaining the appropriate amount of weight.

Dean got up from the chair and stood on the small set of weighing scales as requested.

Doctor Heese looked down at the small digital readout and was pleasantly surprised with what he saw. Dean was gaining just enough weight, but he could do with gaining a little more. "You can get off the scale." Doctor Heese patiently waited for Dean to sit back down on the chair before continuing to speak. "Your weight gain is okay, but you do need to gain a few more pounds over the next four weeks."

"Do you have any more questions?" Doctor Arbogast asked.

"No, I'm fine." Dean replied.

"Would you like to come back to the house? The spare bedroom is made up and I would like a chance to ride in that Impala," Doctor Arbogast requested.

"I have to meet up with a friend. We planned it last week and I can't cancel," Dean said. They didn't need to know that there really was no friend.

"Is there nothing I can say that will change your mind?" Doctor Arbogast asked.

"No, I'm sorry," Dean replied.

"In that case I want you back here for your next appointment in four weeks time."


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes**: Thank you to my beta Mago186

* * *

In the first of a series of dreams he had about Dean, he had gently brushed a thumb across Dean's cheek, wiping away a lone tear. With a gentleness that most people wouldn't associate with his size, he titled Dean's head upwards slightly and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. He put his arm around Dean's waist to pull him close so he could feel Dean's body against his own. He moved his head to Dean's ear and whispered just two words. "Me too."

The second dream was just as gentle, but slightly more erotic. He was naked in bed with Dean. Their bodies were pressed close together. While the older of them slept, he was tracing small patterns on his arm. He placed gentle kisses on Dean's neck before putting an arm around Dean's waist.

The third dream was much more passionate. He was buried deep inside Dean. The tightness that surrounded him was like a silk glove. Every thrust he made brought an inordinate amount of pleasure and completion. Each sound of pleasure from Dean made the experience more intense than anything he had ever experienced before. After that dream, he woke up hard and horny.

The fourth dream was different from all of the others. Dean was sitting on a bed talking about Stanford. There is no mention of sex or their new found relationship. He is telling Dean about his new life at college. He wakes up crying Dean's name.

The fifth dream is more unusual. It is a lot more heartbreaking. Dean is wishing him well at college. Dean is letting go. He wakes up from that dream crying for what he has done to his brother.

The sixth dream holds a startling revelation. In this dream, he is fighting with a woman. The woman speaks to him, but he doesn't hear the words. He just gets the feeling that something has been taken from him. He wakes up covered in a cold sweet and realizes one thing. The dreams he has been having about Dean are not dreams, but memories.

He quickly gets out of bed, thankful that he had fallen asleep fully clothed. Walking out of the bedroom, he goes straight to the kitchen where he had placed his cell phone on the counter. Picking up his cell, he flipped it open and dialled a number he knew by heart. Before the cell phone had managed to complete dialling the number, he hung up. Calling Dean wasn't the best thing he could do at the moment. He had obviously hurt Dean or done something so bad that it couldn't be fixed with one phone call. He needed to speak to Dean in person. He had to repair whatever damage he had done. He couldn't call Dean and let him know he was coming for a visit. He needed to be crafty. He needed to speak to some one would help him without asking too many questions.

Caleb.

He could phone Caleb and ask for his help. With that final decision made, he dialled Caleb's number. He only had to wait for a few seconds for the call to connect.

"Caleb, I need your help." Sam said

"Hello to you too. What can I help you with?" Caleb asked. Sam was exactly like his father; when it came to patience, he didn't have a lot of it.

"I need you to arrange a meeting with Dean," Sam said.

"Isn't that something you can do?" Caleb asked.

Running a hand though his hair, Sam knew that the only way he was going to get Caleb's help was by telling him the truth. "When I left for Stanford I said some things to Dean that I shouldn't have. I don't want to call him just for him to hang up on me."

"Getting Dean to agree to any kind of meeting may prove to be a problem. Dean has only been dealing with simple haunting's. Other hunter's having been saying things," Caleb informed.

"What kind of things?" Sam asked.

"That Dean has lost his enthusiasm for the hunt. Many people in the hunting community believe that it is only a matter of time before he gets himself killed," Caleb said. There was no way in hell he was going to tell Sam about the betting pool the hunters had going on Dean.

"What about dad? What does he have to say about all of this?" Sam demanded. He wanted to know why his father was letting people think so badly of Dean. The Dean he knew thrived on the thrill and adrenaline of a dangerous hunt. He could think of nothing that would change Dean's attitude.

"Dean and your father rarely hunt together anymore," Caleb said.

Sam wanted to know what had separated Dean from their dad. He wanted to know what had changed so much. It was only by speaking to Dean in person that he would be able to get answers for those questions. "You need to arrange that meeting."

"What about your father?" Caleb asked.

"This has nothing to do with him. Caleb, please arrange this meeting for me. Just don't tell Dean it will be me he will be he is seeing."

Caleb wanted to ask what Sam had done to damage his relationship with his brother. A simple lack of contact with Dean didn't explain the desperation in Sam's voice. Whatever had happened wasn't going to be easy enough to fix with just one meeting. He had a feeling that Sam already realized that. "I'll arrange a meeting with Dean for four days time at the Double Six motel in Branknack. Be there at 7pm."

"How can you be so sure what motel Dean will be staying in?" Sam asked curiously.

"Just be there Sam," Caleb said as he ended the phone call. He wasn't going to tell Sam that Dean had been staying at the same Double six motel for the last week. He knew that Sam wouldn't be able to resist going to see Dean. He, like all other hunters, knew that surprising a Winchester wasn't a good for your continuing good health.


	10. Chapter 9

**Notes: **Thank you to my beta Mago186

* * *

Three days have passed since he phoned Caleb. During that time, he had finished all of his assignments and he had said goodbye to everyone. His friends had questioned him about his motive for visiting Dean. One friend had even suggested he was visiting Dean out of misplaced guilt. Another friend had asked why he suddenly found Dean to be the person he needed to see when in the seven months at college he had never mentioned the man. There really was no way he could answer his friends' question without revealing just how badly he had treated Dean.

He had managed to arrange two weeks vacation time from college. He had only managed to do that by completing all of his assignments three weeks earlier than was needed. It had left him a little sleep deprived, but it had been worth it.

He would be seeing Dean in just one day.

He had been half-asleep when his cell phone began to ring. Instead of getting up from the bed, he chose to ignore it and attempt to get some much needed sleep. When his cell phone continued to ring after two minutes, he gave up the pretence of sleep and got up from the bed with a struggle. Once he was standing, he slowly walked over to the small table where he had left his cell and picked it up. He looked at the caller id, seeing Caleb's name blinking back up at him.

He immediately flipped open his cell phone.

"How long does it take to answer a ringing phone?" Caleb asked.

Ignoring Caleb's question, Dean asked, "What do you want?"

"I need your help with a demon that has been going after kindergarten kids," Caleb said. He knew from various stories that other hunters swapped that Dean always went that extra mile for kids.

"Speak to dad. I'm busy with another job," Dean said.

Caleb knew that he was being lied to, but he wasn't going to tell Dean that. Instead, he said, "Can you imagine your father having to deal with kindergarten kids? That man has never been known for his patience. Dean, you will be able to relate to these kids. John won't be able to."

"I can't help you out Caleb. I wish I could, but the job I have is far too important."

"Just help me with the research then," Caleb insisted.

"You have other people you can ask for help you know," Dean said. He didn't want to tell the hunter that the reason he couldn't help was because he was pregnant. He did trust Caleb, but not enough to tell him about the pregnancy.

"Dean, if you can't come to me I'll come to you," Caleb said. If he could just get Dean to agree to that, then the meeting Sam wanted could take place.

He wanted to lie to Caleb. Just tell him any kind of bullshit so that he wouldn't come to the motel, but he couldn't. He was tired of lying to everyone he knew. "I'm staying at the Double Six motel in Branknack. Be here in two days."

"Thank you Dean," Caleb said.

"Just be there." Dean ended the phone call before Caleb could get him agree to anything else.

Two days later there was a knock on his motel room door. For the smallest of moments, he gave serious thought to ignoring the knocking, but he had promised Caleb he would here for a meeting. Out of long ingrained habit, he picked up the shotgun next to his bed. He took a deep breath a deep breath and opened the door.

It wasn't Caleb.

It was Sam.

Tightening his grip on the shotgun, he stepped to one side and let Sam in.


	11. Chapter 10

**Notes: **Thank you to my beta Mago186

* * *

Once Sam was safely inside the motel room, Dean stepped around him and shut the door. He had so many questions for Sam, but they would have to wait. He wasn't going to open himself up to Sam…not when the last seven months had seen no contact between them. He wasn't going to be the one to start a conversation. For once, Sam would have to take that first step.

"You look terrible. When did you last sleep?" Sam asked. He wanted to ask Dean what was wrong. He desperately wanted to show his brother how concerned he was, but as usual, he came across as an uncaring asshole.

"Why are you here Sam?" Dean asked.

"Can't I visit my own brother?" Sam asked. Looking at Dean, he couldn't forget the dreams that had given him back some of his most precious memories. He wanted to have Dean back in his life again.

Dean simply raised one eyebrow and looked at Sam with disappointment in his eyes. "When will you learn that I always know when you are lying to me?"

"I'm telling you the truth. I came all the way from Stanford to see you," Sam said.

"I know I never went to college, but do I strike you as being stupid? You always get these small little tics when you lie to me. Tell me why Caleb isn't here," the older man demanded as he sat down on the edge of the bed. His unborn son, as if sensing the tension in the room, had decided to voice his own discomfort by kicking him.

Sam knew he had to tell the truth, but how could he explain his dreams that turned out to be memories? He at least had to try. "I had these dreams over a course of six days. Each dream was a progression of the last one. Those dreams turned out to be my lost memories."

"Memories?" Dean prompted, even though he knew the answer. He had been secretly hoping for this day. Now that it had finally happened, he couldn't help but wonder what was going to take it all away.

"In the first dream, I said just two words. Those words were 'me too.' I know I was letting you know I felt the same. In the second dream, we were naked in bed together and I was making these silly patterns on your arm. The third dream was more erotic…we were making love. Then it all went wrong and the dreams became nightmares," Sam said.

Dean knew that Sam's dreams showed just a small part of the relationship they had shared as lovers. He placed a hand on his bump and smiled slightly when he felt his son kick that exact spot. "How can you be so sure those dreams are memories?"

"I just _knew_ they were memories. Before I had these dreams, it was as if a piece of me was missing."

"That's really sweet Sam, but what do you expect this little visit of yours to achieve?"

"I want to feel that way again. I want our relationship back," Sam informed.

Memories of a curse that was still very much in place filtered though his mind. He could never be happy with Sam. He couldn't risk his heart again. He had to get rid of his brother. He had to push the younger man away before his heart was broken again. "It's been seven months Sam and things have changed."

"Do you still love me?" Sam asked.

"I never stopped," Dean said, inwardly cringing at the way his words sounded like a line out of a chick flick film. He could only blame his pregnancy hormones for making him more emotional than usual.

"Give our relationship one more chance. I promise you things will be different this time."

Dean wanted to laugh at Sam's naivety, but he was too damn tired. He needed Sam to understand why a relationship between them could never work. "Tell me about your last dream."

Trusting Dean's motive for asking such a question he said, "I was fighting with this woman when she spoke to me, but I didn't hear the words. I can remember feeling as if she took something from me."

Dean had two choices. He could tell Sam what the woman had said or he could lie. He chose to tell Sam the truth. "That woman was a demon. She put a curse on us…one that is designed for pain. She took all of your memories of our relationship and left me with a gift."

"Gift?" Sam asked as he sat down on the bed next to Dean.

"Put your hand on my belly."

Swallowing the sarcastic comment about Dean being overweight and out of shape, he put his hand on Dean's rounded belly. For a few minutes, there was nothing but silence in the motel room. Then he felt something kick against his hand. He was about to ask Dean what the fuck it was when it happened again.

"What was that?" Sam asked silently praying to all the deities he knew that Dean wasn't infected with something demonic.

"It's my baby. I'm pregnant," Dean admitted.

Instantly taking his hand of the bump Sam opened his mouth and shut it again. How could he respond to Dean's casual announcement of being pregnant without sounding like a bastard? He could only respond with something incredibly obvious and stupid. "How did it happen?"

"Sam I gave you the sex talk when you were ten. Do I really have to give you that talk again?" Dean asked.

"You don't have the parts Dean so how can you be pregnant?"

"The gift the demon gave me was our baby. Before you start with the exorcism ritual, the baby is human. The demon just gave me the ability to have our baby," Dean said.

"It just doesn't make sense. Why would a demon give you a gift like that? A baby is an innocent soul. Why would a demon willing help in the creation of a new life?" Sam asked.

"It's all about the pain. You were never meant to get your memories back. I was meant to go though this pregnancy alone. Only one of us is meant to be happy with this curse," Dean said.

"None of that explains why a demon gave you this ability. There has to be another reason. It can't all be down to a curse."

"Why can't you just accept I'm pregnant? Why are you trying to find a reason to deny this? It's almost as if you want enough justification to cut the baby out of me," Dean said, hurt.

Both equal parts horrified and disgusted by Dean's words, Sam replied, "Stuff like this doesn't happen. It's great that you're pregnant and I want to be happy, but this shouldn't be happening."

"Sam, I get the denial. I really do. The first few weeks of the pregnancy, I lived in fear of what was growing inside me. I read pregnancy books that had me apologizing for every wrong thing I've said or done to a woman. I spent weeks in panic trying to find a doctor who would be willing to help me. I know you fear what this pregnancy means to us, but suck it up Sam."

"Please tell me you have a doctor," Sam asked.

"I've found two great doctors."

"Where do they practice? Do they actually have any idea what they are doing? Can they be trusted? Do they know about the supernatural? Do they know I'm the father?" Sam demanded, rambling off all his questions at once.

"Casthias Clinic. It's not that far from Mexico. Yes, Yes, Yes and Yes.' Dean replied giving short answers to what could be complicated ones.

"How can they know what they are doing? Male pregnancy isn't exactly common." Sam said.

"One of the doctors was pregnant," Dean informed.

"How?" Sam asked. He wanted to know how it was possible for a man to be pregnant and it wasn't world breaking news.

"One of the doctors was testing this drug for preventing miscarriage in women on monkeys. The test funding was cut, but doctors Arbogast and Heese were unwilling to stop. They implanted a fertilized egg in Doctor Heese and they kept testing this drug on him. The drug test was successful and nine months later he had a girl," Dean said.

"Are you sure they can be trusted?" Sam asked doubtfully.

Remembering the way Angela had calmly asked him about supernatural creatures he replied, "I'm sure."

"What about me? How well did they react to the news I am the baby's dad?" Sam asked.

"They were more concerned about the baby's health. Angela kept telling me I should tell you about the baby."

"Angela?" Sam prompted. He wasn't going to get jealous at the mention of a woman's name. He had no right to question Dean about the women in his life.

"Angela is Doctor Arbogast wife. She has been the person I talk to about the weirder side of this pregnancy. Are you happy I'm pregnant or do I have to get the shotgun?" Dean asked.

With his first real smile since finding out about the pregnancy and regaining some of his memories Sam said, "I'm leaving college. I've already done enough to complete a year's study. I can always go back when our baby is old enough to start kindergarten. I'll even get a job."

"Sam, have you put any real thought into those plans? You can't leave college. It's sweet, but naïve if you honestly believe those plans are actually going to work," Dean said.

"I want to be there for our child," Sam said.

"In the last few minutes you have gone between disgust and acceptance when it comes to the baby. I don't think you even know what having this baby means," Dean said.

"You have had nearly seven months to get used to having this child. I've had just a few minutes. Having this baby means our lives will change. We won't be able to hunt like we used to. We will have to settle down."

Getting up from the bed so he could ease the pressure on his back and get a little distance from Sam, Dean said, "You keep making plans for a family life like it's a normal, everyday event. It would be great to have a life like that, but it's not going to happen. We hunt the supernatural Sam. The name Winchester is both feared and respected in equal measure. Our child will be on the hit list of every paranormal creature that you can think of and some that you can't. If you think that we can have a normal life you are more naïve than I thought."

"I just want us to be happy. I want to enjoy life as a new parent. That isn't naïve, it's hopeful," Sam said.

"Tell me what you want from life Sam. Tell me what you would do if this baby didn't exist. Would you still be here?" Dean asked.

Sam gave serious thought as to whether the dreams had given him the courage to visit Dean. He could tell himself that those dreams were just the encouragement he needed. The truth was that before those dreams, Dean had not been the person he loved. Even when he originally had his memories, he wasn't fully committed to Dean. He still had every intention of going to college. "I would still be at Stanford."

"How can we be a family when this isn't what you want?" Dean asked.

"I do want a family. This is my chance to give our baby a normal childhood. I can show our baby things that I never got to see," Sam insisted.

"This isn't the chance to relive your childhood though my baby. I wanted to believe that you would accept this pregnancy. For one moment I thought things would be okay, but shit like that doesn't happen to me."

"Do you have to be so obstinate? I do want us to be a family, but I don't our child to grow up the same way we did. I want our child to know what it is like to stay in a town or city for more than two months. I want our child to be able to put down some roots," Sam said.

Dean wanted to scream out in frustration. Sam was so damn fixated on a normal life. What _he_ wanted for their son's future had not even been taken into consideration. He knew that Sam would never be able to understand that the supernatural would always be a part of their world. The supernatural wasn't going to disappear because they were having a baby. The only problem he had was trying to get Sam to understand that. "Sam, there is not going to be a normal life with me or our child. The supernatural world isn't going to fall into the background just because you want it to. Our child will become another person to kill. I want that normal family life, but it's never going to happen."

"Why do you have to be so cynical? Why can't you just accept that we can have a normal family life?" Sam asked.

"Why do you have to be so naïve? You need to grow up Sam. It's about time you realized that life doesn't give you everything you want."

"I just want us to be a regular family," Sam said his voice taking on a soft, almost broken tone.

Sitting back down on the bed next to Sam, Dean wanted to find the words to reassure his little brother, but he couldn't. Life with their baby would be hard. The demon that had made his pregnancy possible would be back. The yellow-eyed demon that had been his main reason for hunting would always be there too. "Maybe you should just go back to college."

"I don't want to," Sam said, sounding at that moment like a small child who had been denied something.

"It doesn't matter what you want Sam. This ideal you have of a family just doesn't exist. You need to go back to college before you begin to get restless," Dean said as he moved up the bed so that he could lean against the headboard.

"I can't walk away from our child. I'm not going to be a bad parent," Sam insisted.

Dean knew that it would be so simple to let Sam take over everything. For the next two months, he could just let Sam take care of him, but he wasn't a person to take the easy route in life. The words he was about to say would hurt Sam, but that was the only way he could get Sam to leave him. He didn't want his brother to leave, but the curse hadn't been broken. He wasn't going to let Sam into his life again when he had no idea how long Sam would be staying. "I don't want you to be a part of our child's life. I love you and despite what you keep telling me, I know you don't feel the same. Being so close to you is uncomfortable because I know you're here out of a fucked up sense of duty. If you stay, we will end up hating each other. Just leave Sam."

With tears running freely down his face, Sam couldn't hide his hurt at Dean's words. He wanted a family with Dean, but Dean wasn't making it easy. No suggestion he made was going to be accepted. Now Dean was being an asshole. Wiping the tears away from his eyes, he said, "We have a baby that we made together. I have every god damn right to be here."

"How are you going to explain those legal rights to a court of law? I can't really see you being vindictive enough to expose our unique situation."

"Why are you doing this?" Sam asked. He had always known that Dean could be stubborn, but this was stubbornness on a completely new level.

"It's for the best," Dean replied, hating the fact that he was beginning to sound like a character in a daytime soap opera.

"I don't care what you think is for the best. I want to know the real reason why you have been pushing me away," Sam demanded.

Rubbing a hand over his eyes in an effort to get the grit out, Dean said, "The curse is still in place. There are parts of our relationship that you will never remember. With that curse in place, any relationship we have will never work. That curse means that neither of us can be happy together."

"How can you be sure? Maybe there is a loophole in this curse," Sam said hopefully.

"Have you ever known a curse to have a loophole?" Dean asked.

Sam got up and walked round to the top of the bed where he sat down next to Dean. Placing a hand on Dean's baby bump, he said. "This baby is a part of both of us. We can have a family together Dean, you just have to let me in."

Dean placed his hand on top of Sam's and took a few seconds to enjoy their shared warmth. For those few seconds he was happy and he could almost believe that everything would be okay. "No."

"That is all you're going to say to me? Dean, I deserve a chance. Please, at least take the night to think it over," Sam pleaded.

"One night isn't going to change how I feel. A relationship between us is never going to work. That family life you want doesn't exist. It's late Sam. I'm tired and you won't be able to get a bus back to Stanford until the morning," Dean said as carefully lowered himself further down on to the bed so that he was lying down.

"Thank you," Sam said, grateful that Dean was giving him that extra time.

The reply he had expected from Dean never came. When he looked over to see why the older man was silent, he couldn't help but smile. Dean was fast asleep. With a bounce to his step, Sam got off the bed and began to search for Dean's car keys. He eventually found them on a small table that stood in the motel room's crappy kitchen. It wasn't exactly a kitchen; more like just a stove and a couple of cupboards. Stepping into the kitchen he put the cay keys in a cupboard. He knew that the chance of Dean leaving him was slim, but he wasn't taking that chance. He then looked around the motel room Dean was staying in. It resembled a cheaper version of Bates Motel. That would be one of the first things he would change. Sitting back down on the bed, he took off his sneakers and laid down next to his brother. Moving so that he was lying on his side, he took his first real good look at an unguarded, pregnant Dean.

Pregnancy suited Dean. He place a hand on Dean's baby bump, closed his eyes, and within moments, he was asleep.

Dean woke up with a sudden start. For a few seconds panic swept though him. In those few seconds, he couldn't remember what had occurred in the last few hours. Then it all came flooding back. Sam had regained some of his memories and managed to find out where he was staying. He knew that the knowledge of his location had been given by Caleb. It meant that Caleb was no longer on the list of people he could trust.

As quietly, as he could manage, Dean got of the bed. He walked over to where he had left his car keys only to find them no longer there. Sam had obviously hidden his car keys to stop him from leaving, but Sam had obviously forgotten just how well prepared he was when it came to the Impala. He had a spare set of car keys that never left his side.

There was nothing he needed to take from the motel room. All of the important stuff was in the car. Taking one last look at Sam who was now hugging a pillow, he silently opened the door and left.

Sam had been half-asleep when Dean had got of the bed. He had listened to the sound of Dean moving around the motel room. He knew that Dean wouldn't be able to leave as he had the car keys. He didn't move when he heard the opening and closing of a door, so secure in the knowledge that Dean wouldn't be able to leave him. It was only when he heard the distinctive rumble of the Impala's engine that he had panicked. He quickly got of out of bed, ignoring his bare feet and rushed out of the motel room. He expected to see the taillights of the Impala in the distance but he didn't. Dean was simply sitting there in his car.

Heart beating wildly, he raced over to the Impala and tried to pull the passengers door open, only to find it was locked, He then knocked on the window, only to have Dean to ignore him. He then kicked the door hard enough to be heard, but not hard enough to leave a dent. He knew that Dean would not hesitate to hurt him if he damaged the Impala. Kicking the car, however, did get Dean's attention.

Dean turned to look at Sam and his heart ached for what he was about to do. He knew that he was all kinds of stupid to do this to the person he claimed to love. Placing a hand to his lips and then to his heart he drove away.


	12. Chapter 11

Thank you to my beta Mago186

* * *

He is still trying to come to terms with Dean leaving. He had known from the very beginning that seeing Dean again after seven months wouldn't be easy. He had expected the arguments and emotional outbursts. What he had not expected was the real reason behind his returned memories. Dean was pregnant with his child and his first reaction had not been one of easy acceptance. He had immediately looked for answers as to why the pregnancy shouldn't exist. When he had finally accepted the pregnancy, it had been too late. Dean had already made the decision to go it alone and he found himself being pushed away. All the suggestions he had made for a normal family life had been dismissed. He knows that he could have reacted better to Dean's preganancy. He could have done so many things differently. The only thing he can now do is find Dean.

He has to find out an address for Casitas Madra Clinic. The first thing he thinks of doing is phoning directory inquiries to get the clinic's address and phone number. He quickly dismisses that idea when he notices a pregnancy magazine lying on the floor. He reaches down and picks it up. On the left hand corner of the magazine's front cover, in Dean's distinctive scrawl, is the address and telephone number for Casitas Madras Clinic.

As he had been at the bus station only a day earlier, he could still remember what towns or cities he could catch a bus too. He knew there was a bus that would take him directly to the clinic. The bus journey would take roughly four hours. That was more than enough time to think of all the things he could ask Dean. Before he left the motel and walked to the bus station, he needed to phone the clinic.

"Casitas Madras clinic, Doctor Arbogast speaking," Larry said sounding far more cheerful than normal. It was Dean's appointment today. He was optimistic that he would be able to convince Dean to let him drive the impala.

"Doctor Arbogast my name is Sam Winchester. I need to know if you are treating my brother Dean." He had to be sure that this was the clinic where Dean was getting the help he needed.

"Mr Winchester, I believe you have dialled the wrong number. This clinic helps pregnant women. Unless I am mistaken, it is impossible for a man to become pregnant."

"Dr Arbogast, it is important that I know if Dean attends this clinic. I need to speak to him."

"Mr Winchester, it doesn't matter how polite you are to me. There has never been a Dean Winchester at this clinic." He wasn't going to tell Sam a damn thing. He knew just small pieces about the curse and it was enough to know that Sam shouldn't be calling him.

"Mr Arbogast I appreciate that you are attempting to protect Dean but this is important. I found the clinic's address and telephone number written on a pregnancy magazine's front page."

"Dean Winchester has never been a patient at this clinic."

With a small laugh Sam replied, "Dean is extremely protective of his car. He rarely lets anyone drive it. The only time he has let me drive is when he is injured or too exhausted to drive. Dean told me that Angela has been vocal in her encouragement for him to contact me. When he first told me about the baby my reaction wasn't good. I didn't believe him and kept searching for a reason why a pregnancy just shouldn't happen. When I did believe what he was telling me, I made these plans for a normal life without asking him what he wanted. I need to talk to him again. I need to fix what I've done."

"Talking isn't going to fix things just because you want it to Mr Winchester."

"Dean is a patient at the clinic."

"Mr Winchester, it goes against nearly everything I have promised my wife and Doctor Heese, but Dean is one of our patients. His next appointment with us is a 9.30pm. Can I assume that informing Dean of this phone call would be detrimental to what you have planned?"

"You can. I will be at the clinic in a few hours. It will be enough time to catch Dean as he leaves the clinic."

"Mr Winchester, if things should turn out badly and you hurt Dean, there will not be a place on earth you can hide." With those words, Larry ended the phone call.

Sam closed his phone, happy with the arrangements he had made with Doctor Arbogast. In a few short hours he would be reunited with Dean.


	13. Chapter 12

Thank you to my beta mago186

* * *

It had been nearly a day since he had left Sam. He's had a day to come to terms with hurting Sam in a way that he would kill other people for if they had done the same thing. He has spent the last day attempting to get some much needed sleep, but sleep kept evading him. Every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was Sam's face.

He has broken his promise not to eat junk food and he has devoured two large pizzas in just two hours. He even got himself a coffee loaded with sugar and cream. The coffee sat untouched on the small motel room's kitchen table for last two hours. He just watched the steam dissipate from the drink and enjoyed the smell. The smell alone had been enough to satisfy the need he had for caffeine.

On the drive to the clinic, he begins to think of all the questions he can ask the doctors. It is one of the only things preventing him from driving off the road and into a ditch. He needs to know if it is normal to be slightly spacey and to daydream. The most startling example of his spaceness is a conversation he tried to have with the motel's receptionist. He was telling her about Sam when he suddenly stopped speaking mid-sentence. He couldn't remember what he was going to say and that had pissed him off. It left him feeling stupid. He was lucky that the receptionist had just dismissed his lapse in conversation as exhaustion.

It is dark when he finally reaches the clinic an hour before his appointment. He carefully gets out of his car, something that he is finding more difficult with each passing day of his pregnancy. Once safely out of his car, he walks into the clinic as fast as he can manage.

"Dean is everything okay?" Doctor Heese asks. He had heard the distinctive sound of the Impala from his office.

Placing a hand on his baby bump Dean replies, "My back aches and I haven't slept well for a few days. I'm just peachy."

Chuckling in remembrance of his own pregnancy, Doctor Heese replies, "I know how you feel. At that stage of my pregnancy, I couldn't get comfortable in any position. Parts of my body ached that never had before, but none of that mattered when I held Junior for the first time."

"None of that makes me feel better."

Dr. Heese smiled to himself knowing that as soon as Dean's son was born, he would forget about all the pains and problems he had suffered during his pregnancy. His focus would just be on his newborn son. "Why don't we continue this conversation in my office?"

"Sure."

As he led the way to his office, Doctor Heese asked, "Have you spoken to Sam about this pregnancy?"

Once they reached the office, Dean made his way straight over to the couch, placing a hand on his bump. He watched the doctor close the door and sit on a nearby chair. "Did Angela tell you to ask me that question?"

"I am just concerned that you have yet to tell Sam about the baby."

"Sam turned up at the motel I was staying in. He told me he had these dreams that turned out to be memories of the relationship we had before he left for Stanford. He expected me to just restart our relationship. When I told Sam about my pregnancy he didn't react well."

"How did he react?" If Sam had hurt Dean, he would make the youngest Winchester pay. He wasn't a violent man, but when it came to defending those he cared about, he would always make an exception.

"Denial and anger at first. Then he began to make all of these plans for the future. He tried to convince me that it was possible to give our child a normal life."

Even though his knowledge of the supernatural was very limited, he knew enough to know that a normal, average family existence just wasn't possible for Dean. But still, he had to believe that with Sam's help the chance of a normal family life was possible…even if that chance was slim. "Normal isn't so bad Dean. It can be a little boring at times but it's a good life."

"I asked Sam what he would have done if the baby didn't exist. I needed to know if he was at the motel for me and not some dream."

"What did Sam tell you?"

"He would never have left college."

He was now seriously considering hurting Sam now, but that part of him who took the Hippocratic Oath found the idea of violence abhorrent. Still, he was willing to make an exception to that belief if Sam made a complete mess of things with Dean. "Sam began to make plans for the future of your son. That shows you how much he cares about you."

"I know he cares about our son."

"Where is Sam now? Why isn't he here with you now?"

"He is in the motel room." Dean felt guilty for leaving his brother, but it had been for the best. He couldn't allow Sam to become involved with their son's life when the curse was still very much in place.

"Sam chose not to come with you?" Heese knew that he was pushing the boundaries of Dean's patience when it came to Sam, but he didn't want Dean to bottle up all of his emotions. It would lead to unnecessary stress.

"He doesn't know I'm here."

"Why would you intentionally leave Sam at the motel?"

"It would be great to have him here so he could experience all of this with me. He could think of the questions to ask that I always forget or just don't think are important enough. It would be great to have that kind of support from Sam, but it can't happen. The curse hasn't been broken. I don't know how long he will keep his memories."

"Did you bring the movement chart with you?"

As he gave Doctor Heese the notepad, he couldn't help but think what would happen if his unborn son's movement wasn't normal. What if after getting a clean bill of health for his son the movement chart proved differently?

Heese quickly read all of the information contained in the notepad. Everything was okay. The baby's movement were what was expected at this stage of development. "You have nothing to worry about, other than having a very active baby. Are there any questions you would like to ask?"

"I've been going for a piss a lot more than I used to. It seems like I can't get through an hour without needing to go at least four times. That can't be normal."

"It's a normal part of pregnancy. As your baby grows, more pressure will be placed upon your bladder. You do not want to hold your urine in as there is a small chance you could get a urinary tract Infection."

Heese could still remember the times he had run down a packed college hallway in his urgency to reach the nearest restroom. A weak bladder was just one of the things you couldn't avoid during pregnancy.

"I've been daydreaming and that is something I never did before this pregnancy."

"It happened to me as well. I used to be in the middle of doing something important when I'd just daydream."

"That isn't reassuring. This daydreaming thing can't happen to me, not with the life I lead."

"See it as a stress reliever. Daydreaming is just a way of relaxing. Do you have any other questions?"

"I know I'm not having the baby the same way a woman would, so that means I'm having a caesarean. I need to know everything about the operation."

Usually he would be surprised when someone voluntary brought up the subject of a caesarean operation. Dean, however, was a person he knew researched everything. The pregnancy was just another subject to be researched. "After you have been given an anaesthetic, you will lie down on an operating table and a catheter will be inserted to drain away your urine during the operation. It will be kept in until you are able to go to the bathroom alone. A curtain will be set up above your chest to separate you from Doctor Arbogast and me. Your arms will be secured to the operating table. This minimizes the chance of you accidently reaching out and touching the sterilized surgical instruments. A small incision will be made in your lower abdomen followed by several small incisions. A final, small incision will be made to reach your baby. This final incision will be made to your male's version of a uterus and the baby will be gently pulled out. The incision to the uterus will be closed with a suture that is designed to melt away over several weeks. This will stop any bleeding from the edges of the incision. The skin, the weakest layer of the whole repair will be carefully bought together with staples and steri-strips. The whole caesarean operation will take no more than thirty minutes."

"What about the placenta?" He was not going to focus on the fact he most probably had some freaky version of a uterus.

"That will be removed shortly after your son has been delivered."

"How long will I be in bed for?" He wasn't relishing the fact that having a caesarean meant he would be confined to a bed for a few days.

"Usually I would recommend that a person who has had a caesarean get out of bed after just a few hours. As this is a male pregnancy, I want to take things at a slower pace."

"Will I have a scar?" He wasn't a vain man, being pregnant had put a stop to that, but he didn't want another unexplainable scar.

"The scar you have will fade over time. It will become so faint that you won't even notice it's there."

"I'm not ashamed of having a scar. I just don't want to have to lie about how it got there."

"Have you given any thought to having a personal labour assistant?"

"I don't need a complete stranger telling me to calm down. I'll be fine on my own."

He didn't suggest Sam as a personal labour assistant simply because he knew that Dean wouldn't react well. "What about Angela? I'm sure if you ask her she wouldn't mind."

"I'll think about it."

"I have some bad news concerning your next appointment. The clinic will be getting some much needed improvements over the next few weeks. I don't want you to come in for an appointment in the middle of all of that. The next time either Doctor Arbogast or I will be able to see you is in five weeks time. I don't want you under the mistaken impression that you cannot contact us during that time. For that reason I am going to give you a list of phone numbers." He then gave Dean a small piece of paper that had four phone numbers neatly written on it.

"Thank you." Dean placed one hand on the couch to help himself get up. Once he was standing, he stretched slightly to relive the tension in his shoulders.

"Promise me that if you have any questions or just need to talk to someone you will call one of those numbers." Heese opened the door to his office for Dean. He allowed the younger man to step out into the hallway first, before following and quietly closing the door behind him.

Following Doctor Heese though the clinics hallways and back towards the reception area he asked, "Even if its 2 in the morning?"

"Any time of the day or night."

"I'll hold you to that." With those parting words, Dean walked out of the clinic. Once outside, he stood still for a few seconds allowing the cool night air to wash over him.

He looked towards the Impala only to see something unexpected. Sam was casually leaning up against the car as if the last day hadn't happened. He should be happy that Sam hadn't taken the hint and gone back to college. However, he is disappointed that Sam is by the car. Looking at Sam's face, he doesn't see anger; all he can see is relief and pity. All that does is piss him off.

He walks towards the car, stopping only when he was just two feet in front of his brother.

"Dean." Sam says. Dean looks terrible. He has bags under his eyes. Looking at his brother, Sam could not see the person who had told him about their baby. All he could see was a person who was running on the last of his energy reserves. The fact that Dean hadn't verbally ripped him a new hole for using the Impala as a leaning post tells him just how exhausted his brother is. "Get in the car Dean. I'm driving us back to the motel."


	14. Chapter 13

**Notes:** Thank you to my lovely beta mago186

**Disclaimer: **These are not characters of my own creation

* * *

"Why?" Sam asked.

"Why what?" Dean prompted as he sat down on the bed, resting his back against the bed's small headboard in an attempt to ease the growing pain in his back.

"Why did you leave me, after you promised to give me another chance?"

"I didn't promise you anything Sam. I told you repeatedly that a relationship between us would never work. You refused to listen to me when I told you that a family life just wasn't possible. When I asked you if you would still be there for me if there were no baby, you told me you'd still be at Stanford."

"I had gotten back some forgotten memories through a serious of dreams. My emotions were all over the place. I meant to tell you that I would still be at Stanford, but you would be with me. You never gave me the chance to tell you."

"You went from denial to planning a future for our child. You ignored what _I _wanted."

"I made plans for our future as a family. You were included in those plans."

"You never mentioned my name. You made all of those plans for a normal family when we can never be one."

"I know I focused a little too much on the normal family life, but how can that be a bad thing? We can both give the baby the life we never had." He knew that he kept telling Dean about the normal family life, but he wanted it so very badly. He didn't want his child to learn about the supernatural from real life experiences.

"How many times do I have to tell about the YED before you actually listen? We can't have a normal family life."

"We can, it just takes a little effort."

Rubbing small circles on his baby bump in an effort to calm his active son, Dean replied, "It has taken a huge amount of effort just to get though the last few months. I have had to listen to dad's snide remarks about my weight. I have put up with rumours that I have lost interest in the hunting business. Giving our child a normal life would be possible, but it would come with a severe price."

"It's a price I would be willing to pay."

"Can you cut off all contact with your friends and family? Would you change your name? Could you deny who you really are just to give our child a normal childhood?"

"Yes."

"Liar! You wouldn't be able to quit college. You could never give up on those friends you have. Even if you did walk away from your life now, it would be half-hearted. You would end up bitter."

"We can still be together as a family."

"Why would we even attempt to be a family when all we have in common is our child? You have seen what happens to parents who stay together for the sake of a kid. It never works out and it always ends badly."

"It can be different for us. We could be the couple that succeeds."

"You don't love me Sam. How can we make it as a couple or a family if you don't love me?"

"Dean, I do love you. I always have. I'll admit that when I came to see you at that motel I was more interested in getting answers from you. I wanted you to tell me that those dreams were real. I know I could have reacted better than I did with the news about the pregnancy. There are so many things that I could have done differently. When you left me at that motel room, I was angry, but I realized something. I love you Dean and I can't spend my life without you."

Eyes red from the tears he refused, to let fall Dean replied, "That nice declaration of love isn't going to change anything Sam. The curse is still in place."

"We can still be together."

"No we can't."

"Maybe if we tell dad about the baby and the curse he would help us find a way to stay together."

"Fuck Sam! Just how naïve are you? This baby, no matter how much it is wanted and loved, is a result of a demon's curse. Dad's first reaction will be to find a way to get this baby out of me. He won't even consider our baby to be a gift because demons don't pull shit like this."

"Dad would accept our baby."

"No, he wouldn't. Dad would just see this as an attempt by the demon to get to him. He wouldn't accept our child."

"If we explained the nature of the curse to him, he would accept us. He could help find a way for us to be together."

"Since when have you had so much faith in what our dad can do?" Dean could still remember the many arguments Sam had with their dad so Sam's sudden faith in the man was unnerving.

"Even if you don't think dad would be willing to help us with the curse, he should know about our child."

"Why should he know?"

"He is our father."

"Do you honestly think that is a good enough reason to tell him about our child? You do remember how well he reacted to the whole college thing. Just how well do you think he will react to this?"

"He will accept us. He will do everything he can to help us."

"So you're going to tell him that we had sex on a regular basis. Will you tell him that we sometimes fucked each other so hard that we both walked awkwardly the next day? Will you tell him that every time he left us alone we were all over each other? Just how are you going to tell him about our child?"

"I'll tell him that our child was conceived out of love, but a curse is what made it possible."

"Dad isn't going to pat either of us on the back and offer his congratulations. He will see this as being wrong. I will not let you risk our child's life for that."

"Don't I have an equal say in all of this?" Sam asked. He could understand why Dean had reservations about telling their dad about the baby, but he didn't want to argue with his brother about the insecurities and worries he had concerning their child. He wanted their dad to know he was going to be a grandpa.

"I don't care how you keep phasing it; dad is never going to know about our child."

"We will have to tell him Dean. We can't hide the existence of our child from him."

"I know dad will find out about the baby. I know we can't keep it a secret. I just want our child to have a chance at life first."

"How long do we have to wait before we can tell dad?"

"I can't answer that Sam." Usually Dean wasn't so talkative about personal subjects, but pregnancy had changed him.

"We can wait."

"When do you have to go back to college" He knew that Sam wouldn't be staying with him for too long. He wanted top know how long Sam's stay was so he could prepare for it.

"I did think about going back to Stanford after three weeks, but I can't leave you or our baby. I can take college courses online."

"You are not going take college courses online. You didn't take those extra credit assignments just to give it all up. You should be at college, enjoying all of those parties and easy women. You don't pass up on college just because of a baby."

"Why don't you come back to Stanford with me? You could raise our child while I attend classes. You could have a normal life and be happy." As soon as the words had left his mouth, he knew that it had been the wrong thing to say.

"I'm happy with the life I have," Dean retorted harshly.

"Don't I have a say in the type of environment our child gets raised in? I don't want our child to have the life we did. I want our child to have a normal upbringing. I don't want our child to learn how to shoot a gun when their just five years old. How are you going to give our child a normal life when you refuse to come back to Stanford with me?"

"I really appreciate the confidence you have in my abilities as a parent," Dean said sarcastically. "When dad spent huge amounts of time away on his hunts, who do you think looked after you? If dad had been left to look after you all by himself, things would have turned out differently."

"You can't raise our child alone. You can't cut me out of our child's life."

"Sam, I don't want to cut you out of this child's life, but this isn't going to work. Your returned memories are not a permanent thing. I can't make any long terms plans for our future with that hanging over our heads. You do deserve to be a part of our child's life, but we can't plan things for a future that just won't happen." He knew that allowing Sam to be a part of his life for the next few weeks would cause him heartache in the future.

"What can we do together?" He was pleased that Dean was finally allowing him some access to their baby. He knew it was only a small concession on Dean's part, but given time, Dean would allow him to get closer.

"I need to get some stuff for the baby. In six weeks time I have another appointment at the doctors. You can come with me."

"We can get started on the baby stuff tomorrow. I have some money saved that we could use." Sam didn't want their child to have a lifestyle that was funded entirely by stolen credit cards and hustled money.

"That money you have saved is for college. You don't have to worry about money for the baby."

"We are not going to use fake credit cards and I know for damn sure you don't have enough money to raise our child." He wasn't going to allow Dean's pride to stop him from providing for their child.

"When haven't I made plans for things in life? I have a savings account in the name of Dean Samuels. In that account I have enough money to support us for the next few years."

"How much money?"

"Enough."

He wasn't going to waste time questioning Dean about the savings account. For the last few minutes, Dean had been reasonably calm and giving. He didn't want to ruin that. Sitting down on the bed next to Dean, he asked. "Do you know the baby's gender?"

Smiling, despite the seriousness of the situation, he said, "It's a boy."

"A boy," Sam said, repeating the information Dean had just told him. Having a son was going to be such a handful. A boy that inherited their looks, stubbornness, and intelligence was going to be hard. It would also be worth it.

"Do you have any good names for a boy?"

Dean wanted to enjoy this stress free moment with Sam. He wanted to remember how Sam looked and acted in these moments because he knew it wouldn't last. "Chad."

"Do you want our son to have the same as every other kid? How about Jack?" Sam offered. One of his friends in college was named Jack. It was one that he liked.

"I can picture the name calling our son will get. Do you want our son to be bullied?"

"Do you have any other suggestions?"

"Alexander."

"Alexander is the name of a comic book villain. Why choose that name?"

"It means defender. With the life we lead, I want our son to have a little bit of added protection. I know that the name won't be as powerful as a protection spell, but…"

"It makes you feel better," Sam finished. "I like the name Alexander, but what do we choose for a middle name?"

"Samuel."

"Alexander Samuel Winchester sounds really good."


	15. Chapter 14

**Notes:** Thank you for mago186

**Notes: **this was the hardest chapter I have had to write for this story. I know I left the ending up in the air and you didn't get to see Sam leave, but that will be continued with in the next chapter. Sorry this has take so long.

* * *

"Samuel Winchester."

Sam looked up towards where he believed the voice was coming from, but found himself to be alone. He had believed that his conversation with Dean had gone well. He had obviously been mistaken in that belief. He ran towards the motel room's door and pulled it open. What he saw outside the room freaked him out. As he was well acquainted with the supernatural, freaking out was a rare occurrence for him. There was nothing outside the room but whiteness. The type of whiteness that held promises of violence. Slamming the door shut so he wouldn't have to deal with the whiteness he tried to calm down.

He knew that he hadn't left the motel room. That only left him with only one option: he was still asleep.

"Over here." The same voice repeated and to his ears, it sounded like he was annoyed.

He looked over to the room's small kitchen and found himself staring at a man in a suit. A man that just looked like he was evil incarnate.

The man began to study him like he was an interesting specimen in a petri dish. "You shouldn't be here Sam. It's wrong in so many ways. You should be back at college, fucking your way though all of those single men or women. What you have with Dean is going to send you my way if you keep at it. What you have with him is so deliciously wrong."

Ignoring the man's obvious attempt to rile him, Sam stated, "What I have with Dean is none of your business."

The demon shook his head in disagreement. "Dean is just a stepping stone. He is the person you step on to get further on in life. He is just an interesting distraction."

Sam took an angry step towards the demon. "Dean is exactly what I want out of life. He is carrying our child."

"You are still too young to know what you want out of life. Dean isn't your life and he never has been. You are only concerned for him because he carries your child."

"Why do you have such a vested interest in what I want from life?" Sam knew he was talking to a demon, but he wanted to know which one.

"On the grand scale of things, Dean is just a blip on the radar. All of that hunting he does is meaningless. Nothing he does will ever make a difference, but you are different Sammy. You are the Winchester who is the most valuable. You have visions that will make a difference to the world. Dean will do nothing more than hold you back."

"Dean is much more important than you realize. All of the hunting he's done has made a difference to whatever plans you have made and that scares you. He is so close to taking down the demon that killed mom and it scares you." Nothing the demon told him was going to change his opinion of Dean.

"You really have a bad case of hero worship, don't you Samuel? Dean is nothing more than comic relief."

Pulling in the urge to utter an exorcism spell, Sam replied, "Dean scares you because there is nothing he won't do to save someone. He has saved countless lives."

"The lives he has saved are of no importance. Dean can't even manage to protect his own family. Daddy Winchester is never here. You left for college as soon as it was possible for you to do so. You didn't even contact him for nearly seven months. Dean is the type of person people will always leave."

"He is the type of person people will always follow. They know that there is nothing he won't do to protect them. He is loved and well respected by everyone he meets."

"You really do have it bad for him, don't you Samuel? People use Dean because he is so easily fooled by a hard luck story. He isn't respected by people; far from it. They laugh at him."

"Why are you doing this?" The longer he was asleep and stuck talking to the demon, the more vulnerable Dean was becoming to whatever attack the demon was planning.

"Why not?" The demon had plans to screw around with Sam Winchester's life. When one of the lower level demons had told him about cursing the Winchesters boys, he had been angry to begin with it. Angry that he would have to deal with the vengeful Winchesters. Once he had found out the full meaning behind the curse, the anger had disappeared.

"Why would you single me out? Isn't there some cult you should be visiting?"

"Why do you assume that it is you I want? Do you really have such a high opinion of yourself?"

"You keep telling me Dean is worthless. You told me I have visions that will make a difference to the world."

Reaching out, the demon raised one long, thin finger and tapped Sam on the side of his head. "Visions will always make a difference to the world Samuel. Sometimes that difference is noticeable and other times it isn't. You have visions that lay somewhere in-between. You are unpredictable Samuel. No one quite knows what these visions are going to do to you. The Winchester who has my interest is your unborn child."

"Leave my son alone."

"It's interesting that you refer to the unborn as my son. I do believe that the unborn Winchester is a product of at least two parents."

"Leave Dean and our son alone."

"Do you seriously believe I will walk away from you just because of some pathetic demand? I have plans for that child. Did Dean tell you about the full details of the curse?"

"Yes." Sam knew that the demon's curse had left Dean with the ability to carry their child. He also knew that the curse would only bring happiness to one of them.

"Are you so sure he shared the intimate details of the curse with you?" Cocking his head to the side slightly, the demon added with an unholy smile, "Unless he doesn't know the finer details of the curse."

"Finer details?"

The demons smile just got wider with Sam's question. "Details that your feeble human mind would be unable to comprehend. You are not meant to have those memories Samuel. Something will have to be done to remedy that."

"You can't take me away from Dean. He means everything to me. With Dean by my side, I feel complete. Without him, I feel empty. You can't take that away from me." Sam knew that he was pleading what was already a lost argument. The demon wasn't going to give him what he wanted just because he begged.

"I can do anything Samuel." Sam's begging was pathetic, but it was also entertaining.

"You don't have to do this. You can just leave us alone and I promise you that we will never hunt again."

For a few minutes the demon remained quite. He looked at Samuel with barely contained glee. The longer he remained silent, the more hope Samuel would get. It was going to give him undeniable pleasure to crush that hope.

Quicker than the human eye could follow, he placed both of his hands on the side of Samuel's head. He took away all of Sam's memories of the last week. He replaced those memories with memories about a week spent in Mexico with college buddies. Friends that Samuel would be hard pressed to remember if intensely questioned about them. He gave Sam a hatred of Dean that would only increase with each passing minute. He then placed a block on Sam's visions. Once he had finished, he removed his hands.

Blinking his eyes furiously Sam looked at the demon and asked. "What happened?"

"I just fixed things. When you wake up Samuel, you need to leave the motel and go back to college. Forget that Dean exists. Ignore him, because he is not worthy of any of your time."


	16. Chapter 15

**Notes:** Thank you to my beta Mago186

* * *

Talking to Samuel in his dreams had been enjoyable. It had been something that would keep him in a good mood for several weeks. He wouldn't have to amuse himself with the torture of lower level demons. What he had done to Samuel would have so many repercussions.

He had watched, hidden in the shadows as Sam had woken from the dream and turned to look at Dean with disgust in his eyes. The joy he felt only increased when Sam raised a clutched fist as if to hit Dean. He was disappointed when Sam just got off the bed and walked out of the motel room. He waited for twenty minutes before moving out of the shadows and towards the bed Dean was sleeping on.

With a smile still gracing his face, he placed a hand on Dean's baby bump. He could feel the small, gentle movements of the child. Just being this close to the unborn Winchester was enough for a thousand plans to form in his mind. He could sense the child's power. It was a power that occurred rarely among humans, but it was highly sought after in the paranormal world. With the child's power, he could tighten his grip on the demons he commanded. Allowing such a powerful child to be born would cause so many problems, but they would be problems he could deal with.

He wanted the baby. He wanted the power that would only increase as the child grew.

"You are such a special kid and that wasn't expected, but you are one that is wanted," the demon said as he carefully removed his hand from the baby bump. "Your mom is going to become such a bitter, hate filled man when it concerns your daddy. The fun part is watching it happen."


	17. Chapter 16

**Notes:** Thank you to my beta Mago186

* * *

It was a bright Sunday morning. He could hear the sounds of people in the room next to him arguing. With the first real smile he had felt in months, he settled further into the bed. He was comfortable and happy. For the first time in a long time he actually felt comfortable in his surroundings. Sam was with him and despite still having reservations about that he was happy. He reached out with his hand expecting to come in to contact with Sam. All he found was an empty half of the bed. He couldn't hear the shower running that would have easily explained Sam's absence.

Placing one hand on the bed he put his feet on the floor. With one hand holding the headboard for support he managed to get up. With a growing feeling of dread he opened the bathroom door and found it to be empty. He slowly walked around the small motel room searching for a note from Sam. Anything that could tell him Sam hadn't left him again. When after twenty minutes of searching he still hadn't found anything, his heart began to break. Knowing that it would only crush that little bit of hope he still had, he opened the motel room door to look outside. The impala was still in the same place Sam had parked it. It hadn't moved. In that instant, he knew Sam wouldn't be coming back to see him again.

He quickly sat back down on the bed. He knew that whatever had caused Sam to leave was bad. The happiness he had felt earlier was gone. In its place was a strange acceptance. He had known that Sam would leave eventually…he just didn't think it would be so soon. Running a hand over his bump he knew that there was only one thing he could do. He reached into his coat pocket and took out his cell phone. He flipped open his cell phone and dialed a number he knew too well.

"Hello," Sam said. He was angry, exhausted and confused. For the last hour he had been walking down some backwater road and he had no idea how he came to be on the road. The last thing he could remember was going to a party, but being drunk didn't explain his current situation.

"Where are you?" It wasn't the question he wanted to ask him, if Sam's memories had once again been taken from him. He should have asked Sam about college, but he didn't have enough tolerance for a normal conversation with Sam.

"Why are you so interested in my where I am?" He didn't need Dean calling him just to ask a dumb question. He had left the hunt behind him nearly seven months ago. Dean's constant attempts at trying to remain in contact with him were beginning to get old.

"I just need to talk to someone." He wasn't usually so emotional and needy, but events of the last few months had changed him.

Kicking a stone with more force than was necessary he replied. "Can't you find a willing waitress or hooker? All you would have to do is pay them for their time."

"Sammy I just need to talk to someone." He now knew from the way Sam was talking to him that what had caused Sam to leave the motel wasn't done willing. Having that knowledge didn't make him feel any better.

He knew that Dean wouldn't stop complaining until he showed some kind of concern. Swallowing back the revulsion he asked. "What do you want to tell me Dean?"

He knew that telling Sam about the pregnancy again would achieve nothing. It had taken too much out of him to let his defences down for a second time. He had to let Sam know he wasn't to blame for what had happened even though Sam wouldn't understand what he was talking about. "I know you don't remember anything but I need to tell you something you can't understand. I forgive you Sam. I love you and I want you to remember that."

"What are you on about?"

Rubbing a hand over his baby bump he replied. "If you get the urge in the next few months or even years to contact me, ignore it. I don't want to hear from you again. If you ever get into trouble again call the police, don't even think of contacting me. Forget you have a brother."

"Dean."

"I'm done pretending that what has happened in the last few months doesn't hurt. Enjoy the college life Sammy. Embrace that normal life you crave so much and forget I exist." He didn't even give Sam the chance to reply he just snapped his cell phone shut.

* * *

An hour after ending his telephone conversation with Sam, he checked out of the motel room. He was currently driving down a backwater road. He had no destination in mind, he just needed to drive and feel that sense of freedom that always came with being on the road. He had none of his usual music playing; the only sound he had to sooth his frayed nerves was the impala's engine.

He was a hundred miles away from the motel when he pulled the impala to a stop by the side of the road. There was one more person he had to phone.

He took his cell phone off the dashboard, flipped it open and pressed speed dial number two. After allowing it to ring a few times he got his dad's voicemail. He immediately pressed the end button. This wasn't something he could leave in a message.

He quickly pressed the redial button. He got voicemail for a second time.

The same thing happened on his next eight attempts, but he was not going to give up. He needed to speak to his dad and he was going to keep calling his dad until he got an answer.

After twenty frustrating minutes of pressing the redial button and on his sixteenth attempt, he finally got his dad instead of the voice mail.

"Dean," John said. He was in the middle of something important and ignoring Dean's many attempts to contact him had been intentional. It was only due to the constant ringing that he had finally answered the phone.

"How are things going with the hunt?"

Looking at the old newspaper clippings, books and specialist magazines spread out across the small table he said, "It is going okay. Why don't you just tell me what is bothering you."

"Do you remember that job I did with Sam seven months ago?"

"When you and Sam came back to the motel room, something had changed between the pair of you." The change between his sons had only been small and wouldn't have been noticed by anyone else. It had been enough for him to keep a very watchful eye on his sons.

"There was a fight with a demon and something went wrong. I was cursed and Sam lost some of his memories."

"What memories did Sam lose and what does this curse entail."

"It doesn't matter anymore, the memories he lost changed him. The details of the curse are not important; you just need to know that I am pregnant."

"Pregnant." He repeated the word pregnant as if it would make what Dean had just told him a joke.

"In six weeks time you will be a grandpa."

Hundreds of questions rushed though his mind. Most of those questions included swear words. His eldest son was pregnant. The pregnancy was only happening though what he could only assume was the curse. "It explains the weight gain."

"Are you okay with this?"

"My eldest son is pregnant due to a curse that I am being kept in the dark about, when it comes to more information. You screwed up a hunt and in the process got your younger brother injured. You have been pregnant for just over seven months and I'm only now finding out about it."

"I'm telling you now."

"How could you be so irresponsible to get cursed and end up pregnant? I know I trained you not to be like that."

"I'm not a solider under your command. I am your son and I can't change what has happened. I'm pregnant dad and I would like your support."

Picking up the journal he began to look though the pages searching for someone who would be able to help with Dean's problem. He finally found the person he was looking for when he found Pastor Jim's name. "Where are you staying Dean?"

Instantly suspicious of what could have been an innocent question from his dad, he decided to listen to that little voice of suspicion and chose to lie. "I'm about an hour's drive away from Sam's place. It's been nearly eight months and it is about time I saw him again."

"There is a diner ten miles away from Sam's apartment. I want you to go there so we can visit Sam together." He did not want Dean to pull Sam into his delusion. He knew that his two sons had most probably been cursed. That part of what Dean had told him was the truth. He didn't believe that the pregnancy was a part of that curse though. He highly doubted that his son was even pregnant.

"When will you get to the diner?" To his dad it most probably sounded as if he was falling into line, but he wasn't. He just wanted the conversation over with.

"Two hours and you will wait for me."

"If you are not here in two hours I will go to see Sam alone." Before his dad could reply he snapped shut his cell phone, ending the phone call.

Dean had hung up on him and that was something that had never happened before. He had always been the one to end a phone conversation with Dean. His eldest son was slowly falling apart, with his fantasises of a pregnancy. Could it be that his focus on the hunt for the yellow eyed demon could be an explanation for Dean's unusual behaviour? Had he expect too much of his eldest son and as a result he had buckled under the pressure? He had to help Dean. He would be calling in long owed favours and contacting the people he knew had extensive knowledge of demons curses.


	18. Chapter 17

**Notes:** Thank you to my beta Mago186

* * *

For the last few days the city had been plagued by a serious of violent thunderstorms. Several small fires had been started by lightening strikes. The town's once dry river was now a raging river full of life. When the sun had finally made an appearance, she found herself standing out in the backyard soaking up the sun's rays. She also found herself to be more cheerful with each moment she spent in the sun. The logical part of her knew that the weather had no effect on her mood, but the last few days had been so dark and miserable. The sudden change in her mood and the weather did leave her believe that something bad was about to happen.

Upon hearing the distinctive sound of the impala's engine pulling to a stop in her driveway, she instantly knew that her feeling of something about to happen was confirmed. It was nice to get a visit from Dean, but it was unexpected. He had always phoned with enough advanced warning to let her know he was coming for a visit. An unexpected visit meant that Dean had driven to her house without thinking about where he was going. She walked across her backyard, up the porch steps and back into the house. Once in the house, she walked though the kitchen and to the front door. With more confidence than she felt, she opened the front door.

She left the door open and walked across the grass to the impala. She raised her hand slightly and gently knocked on the window. When Dean failed to respond to her gentle tap she tested the door handle and was surprised to find that Dean had not locked the door. She could only think that whatever had caused him to come here had happened quickly. Without anymore more hesitation she opened the door. Reaching inside the impala she switched of the engine and took the keys out of the ignition.

She gently touched Dean's arm to get his attention. When Dean turned to look at her she couldn't hold back the gasp of shock. Dean's eyes held no sparkle. He had the look of someone who had all hope taken from him. Reaching across the far too silent Dean she unclipped his seatbelt.

"Dean I need your help with something in the kitchen." With each moment that Dean remained silent, she was becoming more concerned.

* * *

He had driven to the diner breaking several speed limits along the way. He had rushed into the diner searching for Dean, causing most of the diner's patrons to eye him with suspicion. When he had been unable to find Dean, he uttered several curse words. They were curse words that were very descriptive when it came to retribution. His eldest son had lied to him. It angered him that he had made a wasted journey to the diner when he could have gone straight to Sam's apartment.

That extra time it had taken him to drive to Sam's apartment was wasted.

Unwilling to waste anymore time, he left his truck in plain view of Sam's apartment. He would usually make the effort of parking his truck where it couldn't be seen from Sam's apartment, but he was in a hurry.

While walking up the stairs that led to the floor Sam's apartment was located on, he noticed the small protection symbols that had been drawn onto the stairs and the doors he passed. It would seem that Sam still took some parts of his training seriously. When he reached the door that opened onto the floor Sam's apartment was on, he looked down. Salt had been embedded on the floor's framework. He stepped out onto the sixth floor, quietly closing the door behind him. He walked down the hallway only stopping when he reached Sam's apartment. Looking at the green door he noticed a protection symbol had been drawn in the right hand corner. Resisting the urge to pick the doors lock, he simply knocked on it with a clenched fist.

When Sam opened the door he fully expected to come face to face with a son who wouldn't be happy to see him. Sam was instead staring at him in opened mouth surprise. Usually he found some amusement in surprising his youngest son, but now wasn't the time for his amusement. He needed Sam's help to find Dean. Instead of giving Sam enough time to start an argument he said. "Dean's in trouble."

Upon hearing Dean's name he reached behind the door and picked up his keys from a small table. He then stepped outside his apartment and closed the door. Without uttering a single word he began to walk down the hallway. He opened the door to the stairways and began to walk down the stairs. He could hear his dad's heavy steps behind him so he didn't check to see if he was being followed. Once they were both outside the building he turned to look at his dad and asked. "What has he done now?"

"Dean told me that the last hunt you did together went wrong. He mentioned a curse."

Frowning slightly as he tried to remember the last hunt he did with Dean he found that his memories were not as clear as he would have liked. He did remember enough to know that there had been no curse and Dean was lying. "He is lying dad. Apart from the demon shouting out the usual lies nothing out the ordinary happened."

"Are you sure nothing happened on that hunt? Is there anything you're not telling me?"

"It was a standard hunt. What did Dean do that got you to drive all the way to Stanford to talk to me?"

"Dean told me he was pregnant and when he said it he was so damn casual. I want to believe that he is telling the truth, but this pregnancy is just pushing things a bit too far. I could have accepted the idea of a curse but not a pregnancy. I need your help to find Dean."

"Why did you come here to ask for my help? You could have gone to Bobby."

"When Dean called me to tell me about the pregnancy he said he was an hour's drive away from your apartment. I arranged to meet him in a diner ten miles from your apartment, but he wasn't there."

"For once in his life Dean hasn't done what you ordered him to do and it's pissed you off. I don't care if Dean told you he was cursed and pregnant. I have a life at college and I'm not going to give that up because Dean in having a delayed teenage rebellion."

"He is your brother and showing some concern for him would be a very good idea."

"I gave up showing any emotion for Dean when he stood by and did nothing when you disowned me. Give me one good reason why I should help you find him."

"If you don't help me find him, you will regret it."

"I regret a lot of things in my life, but not helping you to find Dean will not be one of them."

During his conversation with Sam he had been trying to justify Sam's hatred of Dean. He knew it had nothing to do with the day Sam had left for Stanford. Sam's hatred of Dean had come from something that he had no knowledge of. "If you continue in your refusal to help me I will contact every supernatural creature who has grudge against the Winchesters and point them in your direction."

"You wouldn't."

"Don't make me use that option Samuel."

"When Dean has been found what are you going to do to him. He has most probably left the hunt for a reason. Why don't you just let him go?"

"Dean is ill. He needs our help and it is not something I am going to deny him. You will help me find Dean or those supernatural creatures will invade every part of the life you have built for yourself here."

"I'm a hunter dad. I can protect myself against anything you threaten me with."

Stepping closer to Sam so that they were only inches apart he said. "Those little protection symbols you have drawn onto the stairs and doors won't protect you. The skills you believe you possess as a hunter won't save you. There are supernatural creatures that will not be stopped by anything you know. You either come with me or I will destroy the life you have here."

"You wouldn't do that to me." He was confident that despite his dad's words he could protect himself from any attack that the supernatural would make.

"Don't underestimate me Samuel."

"I can't leave college. I can't walk away from my friends just because you threaten me."

"You will leave college for as long as it takes us to find Dean. Once we have found him you can go back to college, but you will not ignore your family. Now get in the damn truck."

"Once we find Dean, don't come to my apartment again. Don't contact me unless someone is dead. If I choose to ignore my family I will, because this is the last time I will do anything to help you or Dean."

"Deal." With that one word he knew that he had denied one son's needs to save the other. It would a decision that he would later regret, but at this moment in time Dean was far more important than Sam.


	19. Chapter 18

Notes: The title from this fic comes from Maroon Fives album Songs about Jane. The lyrics of that song where what got me to start writing this fic.

Sam was slowly beginning to regret his decision to help his dad find Dean.

For the past two hours, he had to listen to his dads attempts at conversation. Conversation that he felt was just his dad's way of pumping him for information about his college life. He did not feel like sharing that part of his life. So he had steered the conversation into a more comfortable area. It meant he had spent the last two hours talking about sport and not much else.

When his cellphone began to ring, he couldn't help but be grateful. Trying not to appear too eager, he opened his cellphone and asked. "Who is this?"

"It's Angela and I am calling you about your brother Dean," Angela calmly replied.

"How do you know my brother Dean," Sam asked as soon as those words had left his mouth his dad was now more focused on his phone conversation with Angela than the road in front of him,

It occurred to Angela that she could lie, but that would achieve nothing. The truth would have to be told but not in a blunt way. She would have to be sneaky. So she replied, "I am his friend something that he has been sadly lacking. After the abysmal way his family has been treating him a friend is what he needs."

"How dare you say that we have been treating him badly," Sam said angry that a complete stranger was questioning the way in which he had been acting towards his own brother.

"I dare as it is the truth. Dean works up enough courage to tell you how he is feeling and you both turn away from him. Family no matter how badly we treat each other's should at the very least stick by each other. He called you Sam and all he received was a barely disguised hatred. He calls your father and he receives the same reaction. I can safely say that you have both been treating him badly," Angela said.

"Dean called me to talk and said I didn't remember. When I asked him to tell me what I could not remember he refused. Dean even told Dad he was pregnant," Sam said

"How do you know that he is lying about being pregnant," Angela asked. She could not help feel that telling Sam Dean was indeed pregnant all in a phone call was both right and wrong. Right because Sam was once again being told something, he had every right to know. Wrong, because it was being done without Deans knowledge.

"He has to be. I mean no man can get pregnant its just not physically possible", Sam said he was not going to believe that Dean was pregnant.

"It is actually possible for a man to carry a child for the whole nine months with the help of drugs. Dean's case is unique. Drugs were not involved in the pregnancy and the child is his. There have been several doctors' appointments. Ultra sounds were done. I have seen the pictures. Dean is nearly eight months pregnant and not all of the stress he is currently under is good for him or the baby. You need to realize that Dean is not lying," Angela said.

"He has to be lying," Sam insisted as in a small part of his mind he knew that he had heard all about Dean's pregnancy before. It was as if something in his mind was trapped behind a locked door that he did not have the key to that door.

"Has he ever lied to you before," Angela questioned.

"Yeah about the Easter bunny," Sam replied. With those words, the key to the door in his mind was found and the door was unlocked. He could remember everything. He could remember the way in which he had lost his memories and he was angry. He had walked away from Dean with a barely disguised hatred. Fuck, he was going to have to crawl over broken glass to get Dean to forgive him.

"Do you believe Dean now," Angela asked. She had noticed the slight change in Sam's voice as the Easter bunny was mentioned and she wanted to believe that was a good thing.

"Yes," Sam instantly replied

"Good. You are an asshole Samuel Winchester. Dean took the chance to tell you about the baby he took the chance you would not walk away from him and walk away is exactly what you did. Dean is hurt and his trust in you no longer exists. You have caused Dean a lot of pain and stress. In his condition, he does not need that. You have a lot to make up for," Angela said

"I know I have a lot to do to regain his trust. I am in dad's truck and we are looking for Dean but… Sam left the unvoiced words out. He did not want there dad to realize that Dean was pregnant.

"Your father doesn't know that you are the father of Dean's baby. He still believes that Dean is crazy," Angela asked

"I don't know how to tell him everything," Sam admitted. Dean had told there dad about the baby but his reaction had been to call Dean crazy. Things were going to become that much more worse when there dad found out that what Dean had told him was the truth.

"I would tell him the truth but Dean already did that and it didn't work. You both need to get to my house. It is only by seeing actual physical evidence of Dens pregnancy that your dad will believe anything either of you have to say. I will give you directions to my house but I can promise you that there will not be a warm welcome. My husband, Doctor Heese and myself included are all extremely protective of Dean. If there is one wrong move from either you or your father you will both be shown the door and not allowed into my house again," Angela said.

"Where do you live," Sam asked anxious to be reunited with his brother. As Angela gave him the directions to her house, he wrote them down on a piece of scrap paper. He ignored his dad's silent request for the cell phone and asked Angela again "Does Dean know you're calling me."

"No he wanted more time but this can't wait. Dean needs support. I know the longer he puts of calling you there was less of a chance, he would ever contact you again. Dean needs you but he was never going to ask for your help again," Angela said as she heard some movement from upstairs. She turned round to see if Dean was coming down the stairs but saw no sign of him. She just put the sound down to the house old creaking floorboards.

"His going to be pissed of," Sam said as he gave his dad the scrap of paper which had the directions to Angela's house on them. He knew one very important thing about Dean and that was you never went behind his back and did something for him without his knowledge. Angela may have had the best of intentions but Dean was not going to appreciate any of that.

"I know but I will not see him go though any of this alone. I won't see him suffer just because his stubborn," Angela said as she got the feeling that someone was standing behind her. She turned round hoping that it was just her paranoid imagination or the cat. It was neither. It was Dean and did not look to happy.

He had gone upstairs fully intending on making use of Angela's spare bedroom. He had spent the last twenty minutes trying to get settled but found himself unable to. It was not that the bed was not comfortable enough for him. It was better than anything he had slept in years. He just could not relax long enough to sleep. He knew it was mostly die to the fact that he had known nothing but a lumpy mattress of a motel bed. The bed in Angela's spare bedroom was a luxury. Luxuries had never been something he allowed himself to have.

Finding himself unable to sleep he had come back downstairs careful not to make any noise so he would not surprise Angela. He was half way down the stairs when he noticed Angela was talking to someone on a phone. Usually he would notice something as simple as someone talking on a cell phone as soon as his first foot had touched the first step at the top of the stairs. This was not one of those usual times. He had been concentrating on getting down the stairs safety. He wasn't going to take the small risk of falling and harming his unborn baby.

He was no more than three feet behind Angela and he could see that it was not her own cell phone she was using, but his. That sent a surge of anger though. He had told Angela that he was not ready and needed time before he spoke to Sam again. He had though that Angela agreed with him. He had been wrong.

Angela had gone behind his back and done something that he was not ready for. Angela had done something that she had not right to do. Yet again, it was one less person he could trust.

When Angela turned round he disability kept his facial features expressionless. He didn't want Angela to know how angry he was. He felt as if it would be giving away an advantage. He knew that he couldn't help but look unhappy but after the last few days wasn't he entitled to that. Stepping closer to Angela, he took his cell phone from her just to confirm his suspicions of whom she was talking to.

"Angela," Sam asked wandering why Angela had suddenly stopped speaking. He had long since learned that sudden silence from someone was not a good thing.

"Nice try Sam. Why was she calling you," Dean asked as he took his jacket from where it had been hung up and put it back on. Checking his pockets, he was pleased to find that his car keys were still there.

"Dean… Dean dad and I are on our way to Angela's. I promise you this will be sorted out. Please stay there. We should be at Angela's in an hour or so," Sam said now desperate to make sure that Dean didn't make a run for it. He couldn't go though the pain of losing Dean again.

"Stay here," Dean said as he repeated Sam's words back to him. Why would he stay in a house with someone who had betrayed his trust? Looking at Angela as he continued to speak so that she would know that his next words were meant for her

"I don't stay with people who do something that I disagree with. I will be staying in a motel. I don't care what happens when you get here."

"Dad thinks your crazy and I remember everything. Angela helped me to remember you have to be grateful for that," Sam said

"I don't give a shit what dad thinks of me. So Angela helped you to remember everything good for her. I'm glad you remember Sam because memories are all you are going to have from now on. I need to think of what is best for my child and you are not it," Dean said.

"Dean you can't just shut me out like this. I have a right to be involved and your running isn't going to solve a damn thing," Sam said.

"You have no rights Sam and the last time I checked I didn't have to answer to you. Running isn't what I am doing this time. I am walking away from you and dad. I don't need family," Dean said. He knew that what he desperately needed was Sam's support, but he wasn't willing to risk his heart again.

"You can't do this," Sam said not caring when there dad gave him a sharp look. He knew that if Dean ran again there would be very little chance that he would see Dean or there child again.

"Yes I can," Dean said

"No you can't I will look for you Dean. There will not be a place you can go that I won't find you. Dean I need you to realize that what happened the night I left was because of a demon. A Demon that took away my memories. When you called me, I was 100 miles away and walking back to college. Dean I would never willing leave you. You have to know that," Sam said as he pleaded for Dean not to leave.

"So you have a reason for walking away and you think that changes things. It doesn't change anything Sam. I can't go though all of this again," Dean said.

"It has to change everything. Dean don't be so stubborn just give me a chance. Just give me a damn chance," Sam said

"A chance to walk away again. I'm done. The one thing I have learned though all of this is not trust anyone. People let you down every damn time," Dean said

"What about the doctors," Sam asked

"I trust the doctors. They are the only people I do," Dean said.

"If you trust them, Sam was unable to complete his sentence. There dad had finally managed to get hold of the cell phone. He could only watch as there dad spoke to Dean.

"Dean you will be staying where you are. When we both get there, you will explain yourself. I will not listen to anymore of these stories of pregnancy and a curse. I want a son who is normal. I want a son who doesn't tell such terrible lies. You will tell us the truth," John said trying to keep his temper so that he could pay enough attention to the road that lay ahead of him.

"The truth is that I am pregnant. You want to know who the father is ask Sam," Dean said he was in no mood to deal with his dad.

"Dean when are you going to stop lying to me," John said angry that Dean was now trying to include Sam in his lie.

"I have never lied to you. Well apart from the one time when you asked me about my visit to see Sam at college. I never actually went to see Sam. I just had to get away from you. When I called you, I wanted to believe that you would support me. I needed to believe that for once you would be there for me. I shouldn't be surprised that you are so quick to call me a lair. It's just fucking sad that you will never see your grandchild. Don't look for me dad. I am done being the good soldier. I'm done being the one you expect. I am done being the one you depend on. I'm on my own and you are no longer the one I admire. As far as I am concerned you are no longer a part of my life," Dean said.

"Dean son you need help," John said refusing to believe that he could be wrong in his assumption that Dean was crazy. Dean could not be pregnant. He refused to believe it was possible.

"What I need is less stress and a family who care," Dean said.

"Dean we do care. If we didn't we would just let you carry on with this lie. We are coming to get you so that you can get the help you obviously need. That is the sign we care," John said

"No what that shows is a father who automatically assumes his own son is lying. Telling you the truth didn't work. I don't care if Angela, the doctors or Sam think I need you to believe me or support me. Just go back to the hunt and forget I exist," Dean spat out.

"Son there is no need for you to speak to me like that. All we are trying to do is help you," john said as he pleaded with his son to understand why he couldn't believe and why he was trying to help.

Even though he knew, it would be childish and stooping to a new low he said; "Fuck you, now give the damn cell phone back to Sam."

There was a silence of a few minutes as he patiently waited to hear Sam's voice again. While it was true, he could longer trust Sam he still needed to hear his voice. He also needed something from Sam, but it wasn't a relationship or as the father of his unborn son.

"Dean," Sam asked. There dad had told him what Dena had said and he was surprised. Not so much by Deans reaction to there dad and his questions but the fact he had told there dad to give the cell phone back to him. Did it mean that Dean was thinking about relenting and allowing him to be a part of there child's life.

"Sam I meant what I said. I can't trust you. The doctors are the only people I trust. You have neglected to tell dad you are the father of our son. You can't expect anything from me when you don't tell our dad a damn thing and let him believe I am crazy," Dean said.

"How could I tell him anything when I only remembered everything a few minutes ago," Sam said trying to reason with Dean.

"Tell him now," Dean said

"Now. His driving and you want me tell him now. Do you want me to die in a car crash," Sam asked there was no way he could tell there dad he was the father of Deans baby.

"No time like the present." Dena said. There was a part of him that wanted Sam to know what it was like to have there father turn against you. He wanted Sam to feel the kind of pain he felt in the last few days.

"Okay," Sam mumbled. Sam placed the cell phone on the trucks dashboard careful to leave the cell phone open so Dean would not be disconnected. Giving a silent pray to numerous gods for protection against his dads wrath he took a breath and said; "Dad dean isn't lying he is pregnant. I have seen his baby bump. I have even felt the baby move. He has doctors who are looking after him. The baby is healthy and it is a boy. I am…. The father of Dean's baby. I am proud to be." Once he had finished speaking Sam took the cell phone of the dashboard and silently waited for his dad's reaction.

All he got was silence and it wasn't the good silence. There dad now had a white knuckled grip on the trucks steering wheel. Every few seconds he would open his mouth to say something then promptly shut it. Finally there dad pulled the truck to a stop and in a voice that sent shivers down his spine said. "How in gods name could you let Dean do this to you? It is bad enough that Dena is telling these lies, but now you are doing the same. It is high time you realized that Dena does not have to be followed on everything. Fuck, I can't believe you are telling me this. The father of Dean's baby. That would mean you had sex with your own brother or he forced himself on you."

"Dean didn't force me to do anything. We had sex and I enjoyed every damn minute of it. We both did," Sam defiantly said. He wasn't going to back down from this conversation with his dad. He knew that if he backed down he would fore ever lose any chance he had with Dean and there unborn son.

"You need help. You both need help," john said as he restarted the trucks engine and drove with as much speed that was as safely possible to Angela's house. He had to sort this mess out.

"We don't need help. What we need is for you to believe us," Sam said

"How can you honestly expect me to believe a single word of what you are telling me? It goes against every natural law known," john said

"It's the truth. It should be enough that we are telling you the truth," Sam said

"You can not expect me to believe this," john said. Once they finally met up with Dean and this Angela woman, he could finally prove that Dean was lying.

"We are hunter soft the supernatural. Mom was killed by a demon. I would say that a pregnant Dean is believable. You just want to believe that a son who is damn good hunter got pregnant. You can't expect that Dean is telling the truth and if you believable him you will lose," Sam said.

For a few minutes, John was silent. He still didn't believe that Dean was pregnant but he couldn't lose contact with Dean. Dean was the image of Mary. He had the same mannerisms as Mary. Losing Dean would be like losing Mary again. That could not happen. He would have to keep his thoughts about Deans lying and his descent into madness to himself for now. He turned to Sam for a brief second before turning his attention back to the road and said; "I still can't believe that Dean is pregnant. I am unwilling to believe your claim of being the father of a baby that I still believe is a fragment of Dean's madness stricken mind. I am willing to put all of that aside. I need to see Dean so we can sort this all out."

Satisfied that dad would not fly into a rage when they finally met up with Dean he restarted his conversation with Dean "I told him."

"What did he say," Dean asked

"He didn't believe me, but he is willing to see you and not be rude." Sam said hopeful that it would be enough to satisfy his brother.

"It's not enough anymore. He doesn't believe you or me. I am going too met up with a dad who thinks I'm crazy. What is the damn point of always being the one who has to compromise? I'm doing things my way now," Dean said. He had gone past the point when what other people wanted from him mattered.

"Death be reasonable dad is making an effort. You could at least meet him half way," Sam said.

"Be reasonable why the hell should I. I'm not staying with Angela I'll be tying at a motel," Dean said.

"Why won't you be staying with Angela," Sam asked.

"I don't stay with people I can't trust. I already told you that," Dean said.

"Dean we are only an hour from Angela's just please stay there," Sam asked.

"I'm not staying with Angela just to make things easier for you and dad. I'm staying at a motel and I'm not waiting an hour for the pair of you. I haven't slept right in a few days. You can still come Angela's but I won't be there," Dean said.

"What motel will you be staying at," Sam asked if he knew what motel Dean would be staying at he could visit him without the presence of there dad. He needed to speak to Dean in person. He just needed to reassure himself that Dean was physically okay.

"A motel near Angela's," Dean said

"Please don't leave the state again. Please don't run again," Sam pleaded.

"I won't run," Dean replied. He knew that he didn't have it in him to run anywhere. He was exhausted both physically and emotionally. It was taking everything he had not to fall asleep on the spot.

"Thank you," Sam replied

"Don't thank me never thank me," Dean said as he ended the phone call. For a few moments, he stared at his cell phone and questioned his motives for not leaving the state. He knew that despite everything he had to see Sam again even if it was just to say goodbye. Turning to Angela he said; "Could you tell the doctors I'll see them in a couple of weeks. I understand why you called Sam Angela but I can't forgive you."

"Just stay here for a few days." Angela suggested. She did not feel easy letting Dean leave the house. He was nearly eight months pregnant and she was well aware of just how much you needed someone's help or support during that time.

"I can't." Dean replied as he once again checked his pockets just to ace sure that he had everything he needed. Without uttering another word, he opened the front door of Angela's house and walked out.

Angela watched as Dean walked out of the house. She watched as he removed his car from the garage. She watched as he drove away to the nearest motel. She watched and she knew hat it was highly unlikely Dean would ever speak to her again.


	20. Chapter 19

**Notes: **This chapter was hard to write. I at first discarded it as I didn't think the fic should go this way. I wrote several different chapters, but with each chapter I was unhappy. I wanted to get john and Sam to Angela's house, but not to quickly. I did previously post this chapter but I was unhappy with it. I felt that Dean making a list of baby things had come to quickly in the fic. Dean is to stressed and making a list of things to buy the baby is one of the last things he would want to do. So I re-wrote the first part of the chapter. I am far happy with this version than the last one.

**Notes:** Once again I am sorry if people are getting e-mails saying that a new chapter has been posted. I am getting the first 15 chapters of this fic beta read. As I get chapters back from my beta reader I am replacing the old chapters with the new beta read ones. It hopefully makes the fic more readable.

**Notes: **I have placed the lyrics to the Maroons 5 song Tangled at the end of this chapter. It was the song that has inspired me though this fic.

He made it no further than four blocks before pulling the impala into the near empty parking lot of a McDonald's. He didn't want anything to eat. No he had pulled the impala into the parking lot as he needed time to think. Now that anger over Angela's actions had begun to fade he could clearly see why she had done what she had done. Left up to him he would never have confronted Sam or his dad. He had seen both the reactions and actions of his dad and Sam as one last rejection. A final confirmation that he was always left by those he loved. Angela had done what he would never have done. Angela has also helped to restore Sam's memories something for which he was grateful for.

Sam. The person he had waited seven months to tell about the baby. Sam the person who he had only told about his pregnancy and the baby due to some freaky ass dream Sam had for six nights in a row. It had taken everything in him to tell Sam about there baby and how he came to be pregnant. To let Sam be a part of both his and there sons life was the first time he had ever really placed trust in anyone. That trust had been cruelly broken. Although he knew That Sam's sudden lack of memory of there unborn son had been due to another demon he was still pissed. Pissed that Sam had been so very easily corrupted by a demon. Pissed that Sam had not pt up more of fight for both him and there unborn son. He had let go of that anger, but it had been so hard to do so. Sam had hurt him. Sam had reached down into the very depths of his soul and pulled the scabs of some very painful old wounds. He wasn't sure if he was ready to forgive Sam or even see him again. The only thing that kept him from driving until there was at least two states between them was there unborn son. He couldn't be selfish and deny there son a chance to know Sam. He wasn't that vindictive. He wanted the best for there son and he knew that having included in there sons life was a part of that. Sam would still have to work at forgiveness. It would take many months before he would be willing to let Sam into his heart again. Before any seconds chances at a relationship were mentioned or forgiveness was given a long conversation with a lot of grovelling, pleading and apologies on Sam's part would need to take place.

He would also apologise to Sam but it wouldn't be for his actions. It would be for something else entirely.

His dad well that wasn't going to be a fate to face conversation he looked forward to. The conversation would no doubt involve swearing and harsh words on all sides. A part of him still held out that hope his dad would believe what he was saying. That part of him was becoming smaller with each passing minute. He loved his dad but that wasn't enough any more. His dad, there dad would have to believe him. There would be no loopholes on the forgiveness he gave that could be wiggled though. He could see himself reaching for a shotgun full of rock salt the minute there dad said one wrong word to him. That was way a confrontation between them would be so hard. It wasn't something he could put of not if he wanted to move on with his life.

He found himself looking down at his baby bump and tried to bite back a smile. He could clearly see the movements of his unborn son. Every few minutes or so he would see what would look like an elbow. He knew that the only reason he could see the movements of is unborn son so clearly was the fact that there wasn't a hell of a lot of space for his son to move about in. He knew one thing that could calm down the movements of his unborn son was to talk to him. Placing a hand on his baby bump he began to tell his unborn son about Sam. When after two hours he finished talking about Sam he began to talk about his dad. That talk only lasted for thirty minutes.

He wasn't going to a motel not for another few hours. He needed to talk to Sam. He needed to get the confrontation with his dad and Sam over and done with. So he was going back to Angela's. Before he made his way back to Angela's he needed something to eat. A cheeseburger, fries and a strawberry milkshake would do.

It was a good thing the McDonald's was a drive thru. One he didn't feel like getting out of the car to show those sitting in the restaurant his bump. Second he planned on dipping the fries into the milkshake.

John Winchester was not a happy man.

The last two days had been on stress filled moment after another. Dean his eldest son had told him in a phone call that he was pregnant. Sam his youngest and the son he had always believed would be the one to succeeded in life admitted to being the father of Deans baby. It was all so unbelievable. Both of his sons expected him to believe that he was going to be a grandpa. A grandpa to a baby that shouldn't even exist. It was so damn hard to accept that his sons were having a child together. It wasn't something he wanted to believe held any sort of truth in. For the sake of what remained of his relationship with his sons he was willing to make the effort.

He had promised Sam he would at least be civil to Dean. He knew it wasn't a promise he would be able to keep for to long but making the effort had to count for something. For the last hour he had ignored Sam unable to find the words to start a conversation. HE knew that if he spoke it would be pleasant words he uttered. He was finding it extremely hard not to berate his son for indulging Deans lunatic ramblings. He was grateful when they finally reached Angela's house. After turning of the trucks engine he reached out and grabbed his youngest sons arm. He wanted to ensure that Sam wouldn't leave the truck until he said what he had to say.

"Dad," Sam questioned more confused then surprised that his dad was holding onto his arm like it was the last time they would see each other.

"Sam tell me this is a joke. Tell me that you and Dean are playing an early April fools joke on me," john asked he needed to believe that Dean wasn't pregnant by his own brother. He needed to hold onto the belief that his life was not that out of control.

"I can't do that dad. I know you want me to say that I'm joking but I can't. Once you talk to the doctors and Angela you will believe what we have both been telling you," Sam replied. He couldn't lie to his dad just to reassure him. He new that if he was to tel his dad that it had all been a horrible joke he would loss all hope with Dean. He couldn't put that at risk.

"How could this happen," john asked even though he already knew the answer as Dean had told him. He just didn't want to believe that his son could be so stupid to go and get cursed. After everything he had taught his sons this had to happen. He didn't blame for any of this he couldn't blame Sam. Sam despite his attitude had always paid attention to everything he was told. Sam remembered the details. Dean only ever remembered the order and Sam's safety. Everything else had always been secondary. This whole thing was very much Deans fault.

"You already know how," Sam said he was not going to give his dad even the smallest of reasons to start an argument. They both needed to be talking to each other when they entered Angela's house.

John felt no need to reply to what Sam has said. He was now more interested in going to Angela's house and getting the information he needed. Letting go of Sam's he got out of the truck. He didn't have to tell Sam to do the same. Sam was out of the truck as soon as the hold on his arm had been removed. He put the trucks alarm on and after making sure that the truck was safe and secure he joined Sam on the winding path that led to Angela's house. Together they walked up the path. Neither one of them choosing to fill the silence with idle chatter.

Upon reaching the front door john raised his hand and banged on the front door with his fist. He was in no mood to be polite and ring the doorbell. When after a few seconds no one had answered the door he considered kicking it, but was stopped when he spared a glance at Sam. Sam looked about ready to do him some serious harm. So to appease his son in a small way he rang the doorbell.

Where as no one had answered the front door when he had used his fist as a knocker, when he rang the doorbell the door was opened straight away.

"You must be Angela," John stated barely able to stop from sounding as if he wanted to do the women serious harm. She was the women that had allowed Dean to continue with this joke of being pregnant.

"Why yes I am. You must be John Winchester," pausing briefly to look at Sam she could see that the last few hours had not been easy on him. She knew that what was about to occur would only make the next few hours that much harder. "Sam. Why don't you both come inside and we can discuss this matter like the adults we all are. My husband and Doctor Heese are both here and they are anxious to speak to the pair of you."

**"Tangled"**

I'm full of regret  
For all things that I've done and said  
And I don't know if it'll ever be wok to show  
My face 'round here  
Sometimes I wonder if I disappear

Would you ever turn your head and look  
See if I'm gone  
Cause I fear

There is nothing left to say to you  
That you wanna hear  
That you wanna know  
I think I should go  
The things I've done are way too shameful

Your just innocent  
A helpless victim of a spider's web  
And I'm an insect  
Goin after anything that I can get

So you better turn your head and run  
And don't look back  
Cause I fear

There is nothing left to say  
To you  
That you wanna hear  
That you wanna know  
I think I should go  
The things I've done are way too shameful

_x2_  
And I've done you so wrong  
Treated you bad  
Strung you along  
Oh shame on myself  
I don't know how I got so tangled up **"Tangled"**

I'm full of regret  
For all things that I've done and said  
And I don't know if it'll ever be ok to show  
My face 'round here  
Sometimes I wonder if I disappear

Would you ever turn your head and look  
See if I'm gone  
Cause I fear

There is nothing left to say to you  
That you wanna hear  
That you wanna know  
I think I should go  
The things I've done are way too shameful

Your just innocent  
A helpless victim of a spider's web  
And I'm an insect  
Goin after anything that I can get

So you better turn your head and run  
And don't look back  
Cause I fear

There is nothing left to say  
To you  
That you wanna hear  
That you wanna know  
I think I should go  
The things I've done are way too shameful

_x2_  
And I've done you so wrong  
Treated you bad  
Strung you along  
Oh shame on myself  
I don't know how I got so tangled up


	21. Chapter 20

**Notes: **In this fic Dean is now 30 weeks into his pregnancy. I plan to go to 36 weeks and the baby will make an appearance in about chapter 22/23.

The Demon who had just three days earlier had been rubbing his hands in glee at the endless possibilities of a vulnerable Dean was now extremely angry. Now that Samuel Winchester had regained his memories, most of those endless possibilities had gone straight out of the window. Samuel Winchester would remember what he had done to take away those memories of Dean and why. The visions well they were a different thing entirely.

Together the two Winchester brothers would be inseparable. He really couldn't have that.

He could do something to the unborn Winchester. He could turn the baby evil piece by piece, but that was more like a plot from a shitty television show. The type of television show that humans always deemed interesting enough to waste there time on. He could kidnap the baby once it had been born but then he would have to care for it. He didn't have much time for the spawn of humans. He could kidnap the baby and dump him in an orphanage. That option would cause untold amounts of pain for both Winchester brothers. It would also give them an extra added reason to hunt the supernatural. He did need the baby. Humans should not raise a baby that powerful. Humans would make the baby all good and that would just be a sickening waste of power. He could kidnap the baby and give him to an associate of his who actually tolerated the spawn of humans. At least that way he would have a hold on the baby. In the meantime, he could still mess around with the Winchesters.

It still caused him no end of amusement that those within the supernatural community assumed that Samuel Winchester held all of the power. Sure Samuel had the visions and in a few years, he would have the telekinesis but that come close to what Dean Winchester had. Dean was the glue that held the Winchester family together. Dean was the heart of the Winchester family and without the heart; the Winchester family would fall apart. Take away the heart and everything dies.

With his lips curled up into a smile that usually sent other demons running in terror he gave a chuckle. In another month or so the baby would be born. It was plenty of time to amuse himself by playing with the Winchester men. Those endless possibilities were slowly forming in his mind again and that made him happy

Angela's house was pretty much what John had expected. It practically screamed middle America. The place was like something you would expect to see at a show home. There wasn't a thing that was out of place and he found that slightly unnerving. Usually in most towns there was some mess. This house was a constant reminder of a life before the hunt. Mentally schooling himself for the conversation that was about to take place he turned to Angela and asked.

"Where are those doctors?"

Angela had not missed the almost sneering tone that John had when he mentioned the doctors. It would not be bait she would rise to. Instead she said. "My husband and Doctor Heese are in the living area. I expect that you both have questions so if you would follow me."

"Is it true that Doctor Heese had a child," Sam asked as they all made there way to the living area.

"Yes but that is not why you are here. If you would please sit down," Angela asked as she pointed to the couch. Pointing at the coffees she had placed on the table barely five minutes before the Winchesters had arrived she added "have a drink I'm sure that you could both use one after such a long drive."

Both John and Sam picked up a mug of coffee each.

"Mr Winchester or may I call you John," Doctor Arbogast asked.

"Call me John," john replied

"From what my wife has told me you are under the mistaken impression that your son is a lying to you. Would you explain why that is the case," Doctor Arbogast asked. Like his wife and Doctor Heese he had great affection for Dean. Dean seemed to bring out the fatherly side in both him and Doctor Heese. With his wife it was the mothering instinct. They all agreed that any information about Dean's pregnancy would not be given too easily. John Winchester would have to explain why he choose to disbelieve what Dean had told him.

"Its not physically possible for a man to have a child," John replied refusing to be intimated by the doctors.

"Tell me John are you a doctor," Arbogast asked

"No but I know enough to know that men do not get pregnant. Men do not have babies," John said strangely satisfied that he was right.

"You have proof of this," Arbogast asked

"No its obvious that men do not have kids," John insisted.

"Ah, Mr Winchester…

"John"

"John men can have children I had one. I carried junior for nine months. I experienced everything that a woman would. I had the cravings, mood swings and the fear of being a first time parent. Unlike most expectant moms I didn't have a wide support base but with the help of my friends I made it though the pregnancy. Now I admit that the egg wasn't mine it was my wife's. The sperm however was mine. I also had the help of drugs to prevent a miscarriage. I admit that fertilized egg was injected into a suitable place within my body. None of that changes the fact that I was pregnant." Doctor Heese said as he looked at the man who was a continuing source of pain for Dean. When Angela had first told them that both Winchester men would be paying a visit he was concerned. Well more than concerned. Both John and Sam had been contributors of stress Dean. Stress that Dean didn't need when he still had seven weeks to go.

"How do I know you are telling me the truth," John asked

"That is why I have this folder with me," Doctor Heese replied as he placed a folder on the table. A folder that contained extremely detailed information on his own pregnancy.

John picked up the folder from the table and slowly looked though the folders contents. He saw the pictures of a pregnant Doctor Heese. Pictures of the delivery. There were detailed notes of the pregnancy. Notes that he could barely understand. There were even ultrasound pictures. There were pictures of a smiling Doctor Heese his very pregnant wife and what he assumed to be baby junior. All of the information contained within the folder did indicate that Doctor Heese had been pregnant. It may have proved that but he didn't want to believe it. Chucking the folder back onto the table John said; "It is still not possible."

"John why is it so impossible for you to believe what is the truth," Doctor Arbogast asked. They did of course have proof that Dean was pregnant. In another folder there was a videotape of one of Dean's ultrasounds. There were pictures of an obviously pregnant Dean. Some of those photos had been taken without Dean's knowledge and a few had not. It was those photographs of which Dean had no knowledge that proved to be the most enlightening. In those photographs Dean was relaxed.

"Dean would not do something this unbelievable stupid. It is Dean's idea of a joke and he has even had the nerve to pull his brother into this little joke," John said. He would not have a doctor tell him that his son was pregnant. He would not be lied to.

"Sam do you have the same narrow minded view as your father," Doctor Arbogast asked

"Hell no. Ever since Angela helped me to regain my memories I have wanted nothing but Dean. I need to talk to Dean and let him know how I feel. I attempted to when we spoke earlier on the phone but he wouldn't listen to me. I need to regain his trust," Sam said anxious to prove to both the doctors and Angela that he didn't have the same viewpoint as his dad.

"Why didn't you find Dean instead of coming here," Doctor Arbogast asked.

"I wasn't going to leave dad alone," Sam replied

"Did you not trust your dad or is it that Dean is simply not as important," Doctor Arbogast asked. He had asked the question as they all wanted to know that Sam put more value into his relationship with Dean than that of his father.

"Dean is... Sam stopped speaking and looked at his dad. How could he explain that when it came to Dean and there unborn son his dad would always come last. How could he explain that without sounding like he didn't love his own father?

"Sam honey just tell us how you feel no one will judge for doing so," Angela said while looking at John Winchester as she spoke silently daring him to prove her wrong.

"Dean is my brother but he is also the person I want to be my lover. Dean is the mother of our unborn son and he will so kick my ass if he ever finds out I said that. I love Dean more than I can describe. He has always been there for me. In the past I have taken advantage of that. I have never really stopped to tell him just how much I appreciated all he has done for me. Dean never asks for anything. He never ask for help and the one time he does I walk away from him. I let him down," Sam said

"Sam Dean understood why you walked away from him. You know that," Angela said trying to reassure Sam but not totally succeeding.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better? He doesn't trust me," Sam snapped.

"He will again given enough time. I have only known Dean for a few short months but I know he doesn't hold a grudge. He just doesn't have the heart for it. You may very well have to beg for forgiveness but you will get it. As for your father well that is a different matter entirely," Angela said

"Angela… john began before being interrupted by Angela

"I don't believe I gave you permission to call me Angela," Angela said

With a small huff john pointedly said. "Mrs Arbogast I have only the best in mind when it concerns my son. Are you suggesting otherwise."

"Mr Winchester I am not suggesting that you do not have the best in mind when it concerns Dean. That does not mean you know what the best is for him. Only Dean can know that. You can offer Dean advice but you do not automatically know what the best is for him," Angela said

"His my Son," John said

"You should be proud of that but it seems you are doing everything you can to prove that you are ashamed of him" Angela said

"I am not ashamed of Dean," John replied

"Maybe your not but you are not exactly proud of me are you. Dean is nearly 8 months pregnant and instead of receiving the support he needs all he is receiving is a total lack of it," Angela said

"I can't believe that my eldest son is pregnant and you are using that to tell me that I am not proud of my own son," John asked. He was willing to admit that he may not have been the best of fathers but he was proud of both of his sons. He still believed that Dean was lying about his pregnancy but he loved his sons.

Gently laying his hand on his wife's leg to stop her from replying to john he said "Mr Winchester we had expected you to believe you to continue with this tiresome line of thought. My wife had hoped that you would choose to believe Dean but that hope proved to be baseless. We have solid proof that Dean is pregnant."

"What type of proof," John asked

"Well there is both Deans and the baby's medical records. A video tape that was recorded at one of the ultrasounds Dean had. There are numerous photographs of a heavily pregnant Dean. We have all of this information but we were hoping that you what not need this proof to believe what Dean has told you," Doctor Arbogast said.

"I want to see this proof," John said

Doctor Heese placed another folder on the table. Opening the folder he pulled out a photograph of an obviously pregnant Dean. Handing the photograph to Sam he said. "That photograph was taken when Dean was nearly seven months pregnant. It is one of the photographs that Angela took when he wasn't looking."

Taking the photograph from Doctor Heese Sam couldn't help but smile. Dean was so relaxed and he was smiling. The type of smile that reached his eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen Dean so relaxed. "He looks so relaxed,"

"That photograph proves nothing," John said refusing to believe the photographic evidence he held before his eyes.

"Dad how can you not believe that Dean is pregnant. This photograph proves it," Sam said

"Samuel you of all people should know that photographs can be easily faked. I am not going to suddenly believe that Dean is pregnant just because I have been shown a photograph," John said

"Mr Winchester none of us expected you to believe that Dean was pregnant based on just a photograph. We have the result of the amniocentesis test," Doctor Heese said a she placed the amniocentesis test results on the table. Pointing to the information that was contained halfway down the sheet of paper he went on to explain "This test was taken to see if the baby would be born with any serious defects due to both of his parents being brothers. The baby is 100 percent healthy. That was something of a relief for Dean."

"This test can be faked." John said

"I assure you Mr Winchester that this amniocentesis test is not faked. Harry could you put on the videotape," Doctor Heese asked as patiently waited for Harry to put the video tape on. Once the videotape had been placed in the VCR and the television had been switched on Doctor Heese pressed play on the VCR remote control.

There was total silence as they all watched the ultrasound Dean had.

For Sam it was awe inspiring to watch a small blob he knew to be his son move about on the screen. It was an experience he had only wished he had been there for when it had first taken place. It could have been this scan that Dean discovered they were going to have a son. For John watching the tape brang back memories of when Mary had been preganant with there sons. It sent a feeling of rage though him. The doctors had been pulled into Deans elaborate joke. They had even stolen some poor women's ultrasound tape.

Once the tape had come to a stop Doctor Heese ejected it from the VCR and switched of the television. For a few seconds no one spoke. Then at the same time both John and Sam spoke.

"That's beautiful."

"It's disgusting."

Turning to look at his youngest son John angrily demanded "How can you find that beautiful."

"It's my son and watching that ultrasound is beautiful. It's heartbreaking to think that I missed out when Dean the ultrasound. His been alone for the last eight months. Its not helping that you are being a stubborn asshole by denying what is an obvious truth." Sam said

"That tape is not an ultrasound of what is claimed to be Dean's baby. There is no baby. Dean is lying and those doctors are not helping Dean's obvious lunatic ravings," John said despite the growing evidence he still refused to believe that Dean was preganant.

"Mr Winchester could you please explain why you have such a low opinion of your son," Doctor Arbogast asked

"I don't have….

"Mr Winchester do not lie to me," Doctor Arbogast said

"How can you expect me to believe any of this Dean is not preganant and I don't care what any of you tell to prove that he is," John said

More to break the tension that was now in the air Angela said; "Well I can see where Dean gets that stubborn streak from."

Once he had purchased his food at the drive thru McDonald's he drove back round to the McDonald's parking lot inside of driving though the exit. He wanted to take the time eat the meal he had purchased. He did not want to drive back to Angela's eating as he went. He opened the paper bag and took out his cheeseburger. Placing the paper bag on the passenger seat he unwrapped the cheeseburger. After barley five bits the cheeseburger was gone. He took the paper bag of the passenger seat and took out his medium fires. Throwing the paper bag back onto the passenger he settled back in his seat slightly to enjoy one of his more normal cravings. He took of the top of his milkshake, grabbed a few fries and dipped them into his strawberry milkshake.

He continued eating his fries like that until there was no more milkshake or fries left. Picking up the paper bag of the passenger seat he put all of his rubbish into the bag. He then drove slowly to the nearest bin, reached out of the window and placed his rubbish in the bin. He was being lazy in driving to the nearest bin but he didn't feel like walking. Once his car was free of the rubbish he drove out of the parking lot and made his way back to Angela's house.

"Dean is not pregnant," John insisted he was not going to let Angela's comment dissuaded him from his belief.

"So you keep on insisting. Tell me Mr Winchester why do you choose to believe the evidence you have been shown is fake. Is it perhaps a fear of the unknown or a fear that you are losing control of everything," Doctor Heese asked.

Running a hand over his head in which was only nervous gesture john said. "Dean has always been the son I can depend on to follow an order right. He has always done the right thing but this pregnancy thing is so unlike him. It's almost as if he is trying to rebel at the age of 22."

"It almost sounds like you regard Dean as a solider who has failed in a mission. He is your son Mr Winchester but you can't seem to grasp that fact. His pregnancy is very real and not as you so delicately put it the ravings of a lunatic. As a father you should be supporting your son. He may not have done something that you agree with but he is still your son," Doctor Heese.

"How can I accept this pregnancy when it goes against every belief I have," John said

"He is your son and if I was you I would make the effort," Angela said as she had been talking she along with every one else heard the distinctive sound of Deans car. Turning to her husband and Doctor Heese she said; "Keep them both here."

Sam began to get off the couch but one look from Doctor Heese stopped him in his tracks.

"Sam I know you want to see Dean but its going to have to wait." Angela said as she got up out of her seat and went tot the front door. Once at the front door she opened it and the sound that they had all heard was proved to be Dean's car. She stepped out of the front door leaving it open and went to Dean's car. She was half way to the car when Dean got out. She stopped walking and watched as Dean got of the car. She made no move to go towards him. Once Dean was safely out of the car she still didn't make a move. It was only when Dean was walking towards her did she move.

"Dean I didn't expect you to come back so soon," Angela remarked

"I'm here to get this whole confrontation with dad and Sam over with," Dean said he wasn't going to say that he finally decided to stop running from everything.

"Your father is still refusing to believe that you are preganant despite all the evidence he has been shown," Angela explained as they both walked up the winding path.

"Evidence," Dean asked

"A video of one of your ultrasounds, the amniocentesis test results and numerous photographs. Despite all of that your dad is still refusing to believe that you are pregnant." Angela said as she stopped by the front door of the house and placed her hand on Dean's arm. Turning to Dean she asked "Are you sure you want to do this."

"Yeah," Dean said as they both stepped though the open door of the house closing the front door behind them.

For a few seconds dean found himself unable to move. He couldn't put one foot in front of the other. Now that he was back at Angela's house all that he had planned no longer seemed to be an easy task to carry out. Taking a breath and squaring his shoulders he walked though to the living area. He immediately ignored Sam and focused his attention onto his dad. With a grin he asked; "So how exactly do I need help."


	22. Chapter 21

"Dean," John asked even though it was obvious who was standing barely six feet in front of him. His son was out of shape. The son who had once been a well-defined muscular type of a man was now fat. After all the years, he had spent training his sons his eldest son was now out of shape. It was a disappointment. Getting up from the couch he walked over to the son, he had once been proud of. Looking his son up and down and said "What happened to you losing weight."

"I'm not fat but then your eyesight must be failing in old age," Dean said purposely pushing his dad's buttons. He was not going to let his dad humiliate him.

"My eyesight is juts fine. I want to know why you have these people believing your lunatic ravings," John asked choosing to remain calm rather than blow up at Dean. He knew very well that Dean was attempting to pus his buttons. They did have the same temperament.

"Lunatic ravings what ravings would these be," Dean asked

"This pregnancy thing," John said

"Pregnancy thing. Well it's not a thing its real but I gather you're not into believing that fact," Dean said

"Men do not get pregnant," john said satisfied that those five words alone would prove him right.

"No men generally don't do the whole pregnancy thing. Bio-logically speaking it has always been the women who do that. My pregnancy wasn't something I was born with the ability to do. As I have already told you it was all down to a curse. You have been shown evidence. With your narrow mind you still can't grasp that I am pregnant. You hunt the supernatural. You have seen stuff that the world at large doesn't believe in. Does that mean you're crazy as well," Dean asked

"You are not pregnant," John repeated.

"Give me your hand," Dean demanded beginning to get more and more pissed of that his dad was still denying the obvious.

John reached out with his hand and before he could pull it away Dean grabbed his hand and placed it on the bump. For a few moments nothing happened and John was just about to berate his son when he felt something move. He felt something in Dean move and kick him. He looked up at Dean with wide eyes and then back down at the bump. Whatever was in there was moving. Removing his hand from the bump he began to make a mental note of all the exorcism rituals he knew. He looked at Dean and uttered one word. "Caleb."

"Who is Caleb," Angela asked

"He used to be one of those people I could trust. What does Caleb have to do with any of this," Dean asked generally curios to know what his dad was going to say. What was his dad going to say that would explain away his pregnancy?

"He can help get rid of what is inside you. Don't worry son this will al be sorted out and you can forget it ever happened," John said

"The only way this baby is coming out is though a c-section. I'm not likely to forget any of the last few months. This isn't something you can sort out dad. This is my unborn son and if you try anything that will harm him there won't be a place you can hide," Dean said

"Are you threatening me," John asked

"No it's a promise. You do know what a promise is don't you dad," Dean asked

"Are you saying that I don't know how to keep my promises? I raised you both the best way I knew how. Sure I made mistakes but what parent doesn't. If this whole pregnancy thing is all an act of rebellion I am ordering you to stop it right now. The joke is over with Dean," John said

"You made plenty of mistakes dad and they are not the ones you can just forget about. You used to leave me and Sam alone as you went on a hunt that lasted for three months. You have treated me as nothing more than a solider. I'm your son and ordering me to stop isn't going to stop a damn thing. This isn't a fucking joke. I'm pregnant. I have weird ass cravings, backaches and the baby is moving a hell of a lot. The last thing I need is a father who doesn't support me. If you don't support me or still refuse to believe that I am pregnant then get the fuck out of my life," Dean said

"You can't mean that," John said as he turned to his youngest son for support only to see him smiling at Dean's words.

"I mean every damn word. The doctors, Angela and even Sam have tried to get you to believe that I am pregnant but it hasn't worked. You just can't get past the obvious fact that I am pregnant. You know what its okay. I don't need to look towards you for support anymore. I don't need you dad and you're not welcome here," Dean said

"Your cutting me out of your life," John asked not quite ready to believe that his son was ordering him out of his life like it was an everyday task.

"Have you changed my mind about your pregnancy?" Dean asked

John thought about lying to his son but he couldn't it within his heart to do so. Knowing he would regret what he said next for the rest of his life he looked at his son and said; "No."

"Dad… I don't want to constantly go though this with you constantly telling me I'm crazy. My son comes first. I don't want to see you within 100 yards of me or my son. If I even see you on the same street as me well anger doesn't even begin to cover it. I want you out of my life and I want you to stay gone," Dean said he knew it was harsh to tell his dad too basically to fuck of but it was for the best. It meant he could protect his son without worrying about what his dad was going to do to his unborn son.

"Dean you can't just cut our dad out of our sons life," Sam said as he finally entered a conversation that until a few seconds ago had just been between Dean and there dad.

Turning his steady gaze onto Sam Dean said. "You don't have a say in this."

"You are carrying my son. You are threatening to cut our dad out of our son's life. I want dad to be a part of our son's life," Sam demanded. He knew that he had to a lot of begging to get Dean to forgive him. It did not mean he had give up all rights when it came to there son.

Placing a hand on his back in an attempt to ease the growing back pain he was feeling Dean said. "I don't want dad anywhere near our son. You don't get a say in this Samuel."

Sam couldn't help the shiver that went down his spine when Dean called him Samuel. Dean had only ever called him Samuel when he was beyond pissed of and about five minutes from graphic violence. With a breath to calm himself he got up from the couch and said. "He is my son as well and I want dad included in his life."

"Fuck you and your demands. What you want doesn't matter. I'm thinking of our son's safety. Allowing dad access to our son isn't ensuring his safety." Dean said

"His our father," Sam said

"I have had this conversation with you before Sam and my reply is exactly the same. Dad will not play a part in our son's life. If you can't handle that tough shit. I made my decisions concerning dad when you walked away from me. He is not coming anywhere near our son and nothing and nothing you can say will change that," Dean said

Angela had been watching the conversation between Dean, Sam and there father. She did not like the way in which Dean was becoming more stressed and angry with each passing minute. All of that stress and anger wasn't doing Dean or his unborn son any good. Lacing a gentle arm on Dean's lower back she slowly guided him to the couch and got him comfortable. Once Dean was settled on the couch she sat next to him and asked "How do you feel Dean and don't feed me a line."

"At the moment I want to kill him. I really want to see him suffer," Dean said

"See who suffer," Angela asked hoping that he didn't mean Sam.

"My dad. I wanted to believe that just once he would support me, but he can't even give me that," Dean said as he rested his hands on his baby bump.

"Dean why don't you want your dad included in your sons life. I know he doesn't believe you now but once the baby is born he can't deny the truth," Angela said

"Knowing the way my dads mind works he will just accuse me of stealing the baby. Even if the smallest of chances that he believes his about to be a grandpa it won't change how I feel. He will see his grandson as a tool to be used. I want my son to have a normalish life," Dean said

"Your dad would make a great grandpa." Angela said as she tired to at least find one small good thing in what Dean had said even if she had to bend the words slightly to achieve it.

"No hew couldn't. If he couldn't be a good father what would make him a good grandpa. I don't want him near my son," Dean said as he winced at a strong kick his son had just given.

"Baby active," Angela asked

"Yeah," Dean replied as he tried and failed to get comfortable on the couch. It seemed that as each day in the pregnancy passed he was finding it harder to get comfortable. Hell he hadn't really slept well for a few days.

"A lot less room to move now. How is the pregnancy going have you had any dreams about the baby," Angela asked as she attempted to calm Dean down by asking him questions about the baby.

"Angela its not going to work. I came here to get this whole thing with Sam and Dad over with. Doctor Heese could you get help me get of this couch," Dean asked

"Sure," Doctor Heese replied

With a gentle grab of Dean's arms he helped Dean to get up of the couch. During the later stages of his pregnancy he had often found it hard get back up from anything he sat on.

"Dad as you haven't already left I'll put this in a simple easy way so you can understand me. I don't want you near my son. I don't you within 100 yards of me. Hell if you so much as look at me wrong I'll mistake you for a sprit," Dean said

"Son you can't cut me out of your life just because I don't believe you're pregnant," John said as e attempted to reason with his son.

"I have given you enough chances but you still refuse to believe me. I'm done trying dad. Next time you want my help on a hunt ask Caleb," Dean said

"What about Sam I can't leave your brother here I picked him up from college. How is he meant to get back," John asked

"I have a car," Dean said

"You are stilling willing to talk to Sam but not me," John said

"Sam is the father of my child. He may not be at the top of my list of favorite people but he is still the father of my child. Sam and I need to have a long conversation. You are not a part of that," Dean said.

Standing next to Dean in a silent show of support Doctor Arbogast said "Mr Winchester since you are no longer needed or wanted here leave my house immediately."

John looked towards his youngest son for help but found nothing but disappointment in his youngest son's eyes. Quickly quashing the pain he felt at seeing such a look in his youngest sons eyes he walked over to Dean. Leaning in close he whispered something in his sons ear. They were not words of meanness or comfort. They were words that Dean had better pay real good attention to. Turning towards his youngest son and the son he viewed as being the only good thing left in his life he said "Sam I'll call you later."

With no other words spoken he left the Arbogast house. There was another job. Another step to betaken in finding the demon that had killed his wife.

Once the sounds of john's truck could no longer be heard Sam was the first one to speak. "What did he whisper to you?"

"Nothing important." Dean replied as he mentally went though a list of all the protective charms he knew of. Charms that would protect him from a spell or any type of weird ass magic he was exposed to. He very quickly breathed a sigh of relief when he realized that he already had the necessary charm in the glove compartment of his car.

Walking away from his sons was something that to be hard to do. Sam was now a firm believer in the whole pregnancy thing. He had put his hand on the obvious bump Dean had and he had felt something move. For a spilt second it had reminded him of when Mary was pregnant. After that spilt second he felt disgusted. Dean was carrying a parasite and the doctors had him believing it was a baby.

Well he would fix that.

He would be making a few phone calls to people who owed him favors. He would find a way to get rid of the parasite growing within Dean. Then he nurse Dean back to health but not before wiping his memory of the last few months. It really wouldn't help if Dean continued with his belief of being pregnant. He had a plan, but it would take time to put into action. Time that he could ill afford. With all the people he needed to contact it would take at least 6 or 7 weeks to put his plan into action. He could only hope the parasite wasn't born before then.

As for Sam, well his youngest son would get the same treatment Sam would be going back to college after a short break. He could remember Sam telling him that he had a week and half break from college. Well that break would be extended. Sam would have no memory of any of this. He was going to do his best to ensure that his sons returned to how they should be. A loyal solider who knew how to follow an order and a college attending son who ignored his family.

He had a plan to put into action but there was only a small snag. A small part of him was screaming that it was wrong to do what he was going to do.

That voice could be ignored.

After John Winchester had left the conversation, which had just minutes earlier been heated was not at a crawl. No one really wanted to discuss John Winchester or his bad attitude. It was only after the sound of johns truck was a distant memory that the conversation made its way back to Dean and the baby.

"Dean I need to see you again in two weeks to discuss the C-section and the date it will take place," Doctor Heese said.

"I have an appointment in four weeks why is it necessary for me to see you before then," Dean asked. He didn't mind seeing the doctors to talk about the c-section before then but he wanted to know the reason why.

"Dean the last few weeks have been stressful for you and I would just like to make sure that everything is okay." Doctor Heese said reassuring Dean that the appointment wasn't being done out of urgency but just in case. With Dean, being one of the few men to be pregnant regular check ups was a good thing.

"What about all those patients", Dean asked.

"We can make the appointment for the evening. As before the only people in the clinic will be myself and Doctor Arbogast," Doctor Heese replied

"Two weeks from today. I'll see you both then. Doctors thank you for your help, but I need to get to a motel so I can sleep for a few days. Dean replied but he knew that sleep would be a long time in coming. Once back in whatever shithole of a motel they would be staying in a conversation between him and Sam would be had.

"Dean I'm sorry about your father. Sam look after Dean and if you hurt him." Angela said as she left the promise unspoken.

"Dean if you notice anything out of the ordinary with this pregnancy call us immediately. Samuel look after Dean" Doctor Heese said

"Dean give your brother the impala's car keys," doctor Arbogast said as he watched Dean give his brother the impala's car keys without uttering a single word of disagreement. That alone was enough to confirm what he had suspected Dean was about to drop from exhaustion. "Now I expect a phone call from one of you in a week to let me know how everything is going. Now get out of the house find a motel and have that conversation."


	23. Chapter 22

Since leaving the Arbogast house in search of a motel that they could stay in for a few days, not a word had been spoken between them. When Sam had hit the brakes a little too hard to get some kind of reaction from Dean, he received nothing.

He found it disturbing that Dean offered no real objections to him driving the impala. Before the whole pregnancy, Dean would never have given him the keys to the impala. He wanted to be able to say that Dean was letting him back into his life. He needed to believe that all of the silence was Dean's way of saying I forgive you. Wanting or needing something like that was never simple. He knew that if Dean had been capable of driving he would have done so.

Even though only a few inches separated them, it felt like miles. He wanted to reach out and touch Dean, but he found himself unable to do even that. It wasn't due to the fact he was driving. It was just the whole vibe Dean was giving. The one that screamed stay the fuck away. He knew that without question he was the cause of it. As he continued to drive towards the motel they could stay in he kept looking at Dean out the corner of his eye. He could see the tension that burned though Dean. Dean looked as if he was about to face a firing squad. He knew the conversation with Dean would be hard, but it wasn't going to be so hard that Dean looked like he did.

When he spotted a motel 100 yards up the road it took a lot for him not to swear out loud in relief. Perhaps once in the motel room Dean would talk to him. The silent treatment couldn't last for too long. Pulling the impala into the motels parking lot, he turned of the engine. For a moment, he sat in the car and tried to convince himself that he wasn't scared. He had told there dad about the baby. He had stood by Dean and refused to tell there dad what he wanted to hear. All of that had to count for something.

"I'm just going to get a room," Sam said. He wanted to tell Dean to stay in the car and not move but that would be a serious lack of trust on his part. Not waiting for a reply from Dean, he took the keys out of the ignition and went to get a motel room.

* * *

John had spent the last three hours phoning everyone he knew.

He explained the situation about his two sons and asked for help. Most of those he had phoned laughed at him until he explained that it wasn't a joke. Then he had to explain the completely sordid thing about his sons for a second time. Much to his disgust, most of those he had phoned told him in less then polite terms to go away. He raged at those contacts and did everything within his power to get them to do what he wanted. It didn't work. It meant instead of having a few people to help him with his sons he only had booby. He knew that bobby would turn on him if he were told the whole truth of the situation. He would lie. He would have bobby believing that what had happened to his sons was an accident that needed to be fixed.

Bobby wouldn't be at the dive of a bar for another two hours. Two hours during which he could take to plan what he would tell Bobby. Two hours to make up a story that would have his sons looking like victims that needed to be saved.

* * *

The motel room had two double beds. He had only been able to get two double beds after telling the motels receptionist that his lover was ill and he didn't want to disturb his sleep. It had been a lie. He wanted Dean to have his own space. He didn't want Dean to feel as if he was being pressed into anything. Once in the motel room he watched as Dean immediately sat down on a bed. Dean didn't bother with any salt lines and that was unusual. He had seen a drunk staggering Dean salt all exits and entrances. With one eye on Dean, he slated all of the exits and entrances. He placed the impala's car keys on a nearby table and sat down on the bed next to Dean. He had not idea what to say to Dean or how he could eve begin to ask Dean for forgiveness.

"Dean I'm sorry for walking away from you," Sam said as he apologized for something that wasn't his fault. It was a demon who had repressed his memories. It was a demon who had caused him to walk away Dean. Why should he be apologizing for something that wasn't his fault?

"Sorry for what," Dean asked

"For not being there when you needed me. When you called I was 100 miles away from college with no idea of how I had got there, Despite that I knew you needed help but I was to angry at the time to care. I should have been more demanding, but I was more interested in getting back to college." Sam said

"Do you honestly believe that makes any difference?" Dean asked

"Dean the demon mad me forget. A demon took away my memories of that night. If it wasn't for Angela I still wouldn't know about our baby. You would have left me in the dark with that piece of information. I would have never known about our son." Sam said

"The demon is that the only excuse you are going to offer up. Hell why don't you blame the damn tooth fairy. You left Sam. You let me believe that I had someone I could trust. You know something that's fucked up I actually wanted to believe that I wasn't going to be alone." Dean said

"You are not alone Dean. You have me." Sam said his heart breaking at the words Dean had spoken.

"How long will you be here until some other shit gets you to leave? I don't have you Sam I never did." Dean said as he placed a hand on his baby bump. It was both a calming motion for him and the baby.

"I won't leave you." Sam said

"Yes you will. It may not be today or in a few weeks but you will leave. You will find some excuse and leave. Every damn time I let you get close you leave." Dean said.

"I leave one damn time and you keep repeating it like some broken record. I am not going to keep apologizing for something that is not my fault. I want to be involved with our son's life and I don't care what I have to do to get what I want." Sam said.

"This is fucking typical. Sam doesn't get what he wants so he starts demanding it like some child having a tantrum. Grow the fuck up San. Life is shitty. Life is never going to be what you want it to be." Dean said

"When in my life have I ever got anything I actually wanted? It has always been about the hunt. I had to fight to go to college. I didn't get any support. Dad wasn't the proud father and you were always his damn lapdog." Sam said not realizing how out of hand the conversation was becoming.

Dean got up from the bed and barely resisted the urge to kill the father of his child. Sam had never been willing to admit that he was wrong in anything. Any mistake that Sam made could never be his fault. Running a hand though his hair Dean looked at Sam and said; "I'll ignore the lapdog comment and put it down to your mouth kicking into gear before your brain. Dad may have been an asshole most of the time, but he always supported your college thing. Every damn person we met he would tell them about his college son. The son he was so damn proud of."

"Dad never told me." Sam admitted.

"Why would he. Look Sam I know you mean well but you are not going to stay. You may make it past our son's birth but you won't stay." Dean said

"How can you keep saying that I will leave? I don't want to miss another minute of this pregnancy, the birth or our son as he grows up. "Sam said he was not going to admit that some of what Dean had said held a bit of truth in it. Sure, he still had his reservations about being a dad, but that was normal. All first time parents felt like that didn't they.

"I know you Sam. I know what you really want from life. A family with me isn't what you want. You are only here for our son. You are not here because I am suddenly the one you love." Dean said as he silently screamed for Sam to prove him wrong.

"I want you and our son so we can be a family." Sam said as he took a step closer to Dean only for Dean to back away from him.

"No you don't. It is just some twisted sense of duty that is keeping you here." Dean said.

"I love you….

"Fuck Sam do not even complete that bullshit sentence. You don't love me, you never have." Dean said.

"Its true I love you Dean I always have. I just never believed you would return that love. These last few days have been hell. It's been so hard to be separated from you. I want to be with you Dean. There is no one else I love." Dean said.

"You don't love me Sam. I'm just the person you like a lot. I am your version of a security blanket. I have gone though life without love and I can still do it. I don't need your pity." Dean spat out. He was not going to let Sam back into his life after just a few words.

"Just take a moment to stop and think. I told dad about us. I refused to tell him that you were lying. That has o count for something." Sam said

"Do you seriously expect me to get down on my hands and knees and thank you for that? So you told about us big fucking deal. I have had to put with dad calling me a lunatic." Dean said as he put a hand on his lower back to try and ease some of the intense back pain he was feeling.

"What the hell do you want from me Dean? I have already told you that I am sorry. I have a said that I love you and still that isn't enough." Sam said trying his best not to get angry with Dean but failing.

"Saying sorry doesn't mean a damn thing. All it does is ease that guilty conscience of yours. Saying I, love you doesn't actually mean you do. There just words plucked out of the pages of a dictionary." Dean said as he sat back down on the bed to ease the pain he was now feeling in his back and feet.

Sam walked over to Dean kneeled down in front of him and said; "I love you. All though my life you have been there for me and I always took advantage of that. I never once stopped to say thank you. I know I dismissed all of what you have done for me and I bitterly regret that. I am so sorry that I walked away from you when you asked me for help. I wish I had the power to go back and change that but I can't."

Dean licked his lips in what was a nervous gesture. He really wanted to believe all that Sam was telling him but the last few days had been hard. He didn't want to take the risk that Sam would leave him again. At the same time, he wanted Sam to be with him again. He wanted to feel the love of another person. Taking a breath he looked at Sam and said; "How do I know that you mean what you are telling me. How can I not know this isn't your way of getting what you want from me?"

"Dean I mean what I am saying. I love you. If I didn't love you do you honestly believe think I would have told dad about us. I told dad that I enjoyed every damn minute of that night we spent together. I love you Dean and despite what you are trying to do I will not leave." Sam said

"You think I am trying to get you to leave just to prove a point." Dean asked

"Honestly, yeah I do. We are both as stubborn as each other Dean," Sam said with a slight smile.

Dean was about to say he wasn't stubborn but then thought better of it. He knew that he needed Sam but a part of him didn't want to give into Sam so easily. It was a petty but he didn't want Sam to believe he had won. "Do you have any plans for your life?"

Slightly surprised at Deans question Sam answered without giving it much thought. "I want to finish college."

"What about our son where does he fit into your plans." Dean asked

"You can look after our son while I finish college. We can live in an apartment that is of campus." Sam said satisfied that his answer was okay.

"We have had this conversation before. I am not the stay at home kind. I am a hunter and just because I'm having a baby, it doesn't change anything. You want that college education go right ahead and grab it with both hands. I won't be there and neither will our son.

"I have a

"God help me Sam but if you finish that sentence I will make you suffer in ways you can't even begin to imagine. So you are the father of this baby big fucking deal. It doesn't mean that you automatically have rights. The decision of our son's upbringing has already been made and I will not change them on your say so." Dean said

"This is my son as well you can't make any decisions that concern him without my say so." Sam said

"I am the one who has spent nearly eight months carrying our son. I have had tests, cravings and extreme emotional reactions to the simplest of things. Hell the other day I cried at a commercial for McDonalds. That is how screwy my emotions have been for the last few months. I have to deal with dad calling me a raving lunatic. I have gone though the last eight months alone." Dean said

"I'm here now you are not alone anymore." Sam said

"Your being here will not last Sam." Dean said as his mouth with his hand to prevent a yawn from showing. He was so tried all he wanted to do was sleep for two days straight but Sam wanted to have this conversation.

"I promise I

Holding up his hand to silence Sam Dean said. "Promises made by you are always broken

"What can I say to convince you that I am sorry?" Sam said slowly beginning to get frustrated that nothing he had told Dean was making the slightest difference in Dean's stance towards him.

"Before this curse, before the baby how did you feel about me?" Dean asked. He wanted to know that if it had not been for the baby Sam would still love him as a partner and not a brother.

"I love you Dean. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to lay next to you in bed and watch you sleep." Sam said

He was not going to cry but he could feel his eyes beginning to fill up with tears. It was his hormones. It wasn't because Sam had finally told him something he had wanted to hear for years. Biting his lip so it wouldn't tremble he asked. "Do you mean that? This isn't your idea of a joke."

"I mean every word Dean. I know I have a lot to make up for. I love you so damn much. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you." Sam said

"There is so much we still need to talk about. We have barely scratched the surface. What I need now is a lot of sleep." Dean said as he went to take of is shoes only to find that he couldn't quite reach his feet.

Sam noticing Dean's trouble with his shoes gently took of Deans shoes and placed them at the foot of the bed. With a smile, he said. "Get into bed."

A thousand and one protests formed in his mind but he was to tried to argue. He got under the covers and for the first time in a few days, he found himself able to relax. Instead of lying awake for hours and with no hope of sleep forthcoming, he fell asleep instantly.

As soon as Dean was asleep, Sam took the time to get his first real look at a relaxed Dean. The lines of exhaustion he had seen on Dean's face since leaving the Arbogast house had disappeared.

He didn't think that Dean would fall asleep so quickly but it must have been a sign of just how tired Dean must have been. Making as little sound as possible, he leaned in to give Dean a kiss, but changed his mind. Instead, he took of his shoes, stripped down to his boxers and got into bed with Dean. Despite there being two beds in the room, he wanted to be close to Dean. Leaning forward slightly he placed a kiss on Deans baby bump and whispered. "I love you both."

He settled back onto the bed and out one arm over Dean.

* * *

He made it to the bar that John had specified nearly an hour later than he had been expected to. He found John in the darkness corner of the bar. He quickly went to the bar ordered a bottle of whiskey with two glasses and went over to where John was sitting. Placing the bottle and two glasses on the table, he asked. "What's the emergency?"

"My sons are in trouble. I have no one I can turn to. No one I can ask for help." John said as he put enough worry and concern into his voice to sound as if he really did care for his son's welfare.

"What kind of trouble." Bobby asked

"A demon has placed them under some type of spell. Dean… John paused for breath and licked his lips. He had to get Bobby to believe that he wasn't very eager for what he had to say about his sons to become public knowledge.

Sensing his long time friend's reluctance to speak Bobby asked. "John you can tell me. Whatever you have to say stays between us."

"Dean is carrying a parasite." John replied

"Parasite." Bobby asked as poured out two very generous shots of whiskey. This was turning into a conversation that he would only be able to get though without a generous amount of whiskey.

"From the information I have been able to gather the parasite is giving Dean the appearance of a preganant woman. I... I touched the bump and whatever is in there moved." John said

"Shit is that all of it." Bobby asked. He didn't want to know if it could get any worse than it already was, but this was the Winchester family weird shit just loved all of them.

"Whatever this spell is has caused Dean, Sam and anyone Dean asks for help to believe that he is preganant. Why does weird shit like this happen to my family?" John asked intentionally sounding distraught. It would add to his lie if Bobby believed that all of this really was upsetting him. He was just pissed that Dean could have gone and done something so damn stupid.

"There has to be a way to break the spell. A way to save both Dean and Sam." Bobby said

"I didn't want it to come to this, but I don't have much of a choice anymore. My sons mean the world to me and I will do anything to help them." John said

"That is why we have to break this spell John. I know of a powerful spell that will break whatever spell has been cast upon them." Bobby said

"What kind of spell." John asked

"The spell involves a lot of rare and unusual ingredients. All of which I have. The spell has to be cast upon the first day of a full moon. A full moon will not happen for another two weeks. Until then we are going to have to wait and keep an eye on your sons." Bobby said

Downing his glass of whiskey in one go John looked at Bobby and asked. "Are we doing the right thing?"

"This is for your sons John. There should be no question of us not doing the spell. It will save your sons."


	24. Chapter 23

**Notes: **The information for the signs and symptoms of premature labor was found on the internet. As was the information about the caesarean section. I wanted the details to be good for this story. I hope that it's all right. Although the caesarean section is discussed with both Sam and Dean, the actual operation will not be written about.

It is dark outside when he wakes up.

For a few minutes, he lay's in bed and enjoys the comfort of being so relaxed. Sam is plastered to his side and one of his arms is thrown over his baby bump. It's reassuring in a way, but he also knows its Sam's way of making sure he doesn't leave. He could stay in bed with Sam but he has to go and get that pendent. A pendent that would protect him and his unborn child.

Trying to be as quiet as possible, he gets out of bed and puts a pillow under Sam's arm so he doesn't wakeup. He briefly thinks about putting his shoes on but it seems like to much of an effort. He only has to go to the impala so being bare footed for a couple of minutes won't matter. He walks to the motel room's door and winces as he moves. The backache he has gone to sleep with was still there. He had hoped that he would wake up and not be in pain, but his backache was still there. A backache that was just below his waistline. He also had for lack of a better word cramps. He knew that he should be worried as he was experiencing what was a sign of premature labor. Instead he simply rested a hand on his back opened the door of the motel room and went to his impala.

Once at the impala he opened the passenger door with his spare set of keys. Opening the glove compartment, he quickly found the pendent and put it on. He then closed the glove compartment and after making sure the car was secure, he went back into the motel room.

Sam was still asleep.

Sitting on the other double bed he found himself craving fried chicken but the dull pain in his lower back put of the idea of actually going out to get some of that fried chicken. After a few minutes, he found his thoughts sliding back to premature labor. In one of his more paranoid moments, he had printed of several ages of information from various websites about the signs and symptoms of premature labor. He kept that information in his jacket pocket. Luckily, Sam had not taken of his jacket. He reached into the hidden pocket and took out the neatly folded pieces of paper. Unfolding the pieces of paper, he began to read about the signs and symptoms of premature labor.

Low dull back pain that was below his waistline well he had been having that for a couple of days. If anything it seemed to increase with the more stressed he became. Pelvic pressure as the baby pushed down. Well shit the baby wasn't even coming out that way. He was having a caesarean. He had been feeling cramps for nearly a day, but he had not wanted to admit that anything was wrong. It meant the baby wanted out, but other than having a caesarean there was no way for the baby to get out.

Fuck, he was not going to panic.

On the printed pages of paper, it had ways in which he could slow down the labor or help to prevent it from happening. Lying back down on the bed was out, as that would only make him feel worse. Emptying his bladder wasn't going to happen he didn't need to go. The information did say that laying down titled towards his left side may help to slow down or stop the signs and symptoms of premature labor. Then he read the final sentence on the page. The sentence that said if what he was experiencing continued for another hour he had to call his doctor. Putting the pieces of paper back in his pocket he tired not to think of the worse. He was 30 weeks pregnant a baby born at 30 weeks had high chance of survival. He laid down on the bed as suggested in the information and waited for the hour to pass.

After twenty minutes, nothing had changed and Sam was still fast asleep.

Another ten minutes passed nothing had changed and Sam was still asleep.

After 45 minutes had past he still felt the same but Sam was now awake. He closed his eyes and listened as Sam moved around the motel room. He could hear Sam as he walked over to his bed. He wanted to open his eyes but he didn't want to see Sam staring at him. He didn't ant to admit that anything was wrong. He really couldn't afford to be stubborn not when it concerned the well-being of his unborn son. Opening his eyes, he found Sam kneeling in front of him.

"Dean what's wrong." Sam asked. The minute he hah woke up and found Dean missing, he had assumed the worse. When he found Dean laying in other, bed he felt relieved. That relief soon turned to worry when he went to check up on Dean. At first, it appeared that Dean was just sleeping but when he got a good look at Dean, he could see that wasn't the case. Dena appeared to be in pain and that was so not a good thing.

"I think the baby wants out," Dean said trying not to sound as worried as he felt.

"Are you sure." Sam asked. The answer to his earlier question had not been the one he had expected. He had plans for the last few weeks of Dean's pregnancy. He had wanted to experience just some of what Dean had been going though and those plans were now fast fading away.

"No I just thought all of this pain was trapped gas. Fuck, Sam do you think I am joking about something this serious. This baby isn't due for another two months." Dean said. He was not ready for the baby to come yet. He wanted time to get ready for the caesarean. Hell he had yet to buy any baby stuff.

"What are we going to do?" Sam asked remaining calm so Dean would not be any more stressed than he already was.

"Call the doctors and tell them what is happening." Dean said.

"Screw that we are going to the clinic. I will call the doctors on the way there. I am not going to take the risk that something will happen to you or our son." Sam said

"Sam… this baby can't come now. It's to damn early." Dean said

"Our son is a Winchester and Winchesters piss all over the impossible. Our son will be fine. Dean I'm going to help you of the bed I apologize in advance if any of this hurts." Sam said

He gently helped Dean into a sitting position. Once Dean was in a sitting position, he helped him of the bed. Placing an arm around Dean's waist Sam helped him to the motel room's door. Once at the door he opened it and gently guided Dean though the open door. Thankful that he grabbed the car keys on his way out of the room with Dean he opened the impala passenger door. With a steady hand, he made sure Dean was properly seated before getting into the car himself.

Now all he had to do was get to the clinic, phone the doctors on the way there and hope that everything would be all right.

* * *

"John I have both good news and bad news." Bobby said. After the whole conversation in the bar, they had gone back to his place for some privacy.

"Bad news first and then I want the good news." John asked on the journey back to Bobby's place he had noticed that his old friend was beginning to have some doubts about the spell.

"Bad news is that the ingredients I have for this spell is only going to make the spell powerful enough for one person. The good news is that the spell can be done in a couple of days. It turns out I translated some of the spells text wrong." Bobby said. He had been about to tell John that he wasn't all that sure about doing the spell. He wasn't completely sure, that John was even telling him the truth. He knew that if he were to share these doubts with John the reaction wouldn't be good. He knew that John would try to do the spell himself. John Winchester wasn't worth shit when it came to doing complex spells. So he was doing the spell, but it would only be for one of the Winchester boys. His choice would be Sam. He knew that Dean would be okay. God help him if either one of the boys ever found out he was the one who did the spell. His life wouldn't be worth shit.

"Just one person. Dean can get this thing removed with some help. Samuel needs to be reminded that what has happened to him was a spell." John said

Bobby couldn't help but wonder at the cold-hearted tone John had taken when it concerned his sons. What had happened to make John like that? Taking a breath, he asked; "Are you sure about this spell. There isn't another way." 

"There is no other way we can do this. It pains me, but Samuel has to be the one who is removed from the spells influences. Bobby how will this spell affect my son. How much will he remember of the last few days," John asked he wanted to be sure that Sam would have no gaping holes in his memory.

"The spell will take away all of memories Sam has of Dean. Any contact Sam or Dean had in the last few months won't be there." Bobby said.

"Sam won't have any gaps in his memory." John asked

"No. The only memories he will have of the last few months will be for college. He won't remember seeing wither you or Dean again. John what are you going to do about Dean." Bobby asked

"I have a friend who will help." John said. He knew that the doctors Dean had would take care of him. With Sam being taken care of with the spell he didn't have a lot left to worry about.

"John I have to ask again are you sure about doing this spell. Once this spell begins, there is no going back. You won't be able to change any of this." Bobby said

"I'm sure. These are my sons and I would do anything for them." John said

In two days time at midnight this spell will take place." Bobby said. He couldn't help but think that John was hurting his sons in so many different ways by doing the spell.

"Two days." John muttered. Two days and his youngest son would be back at college. Two days and his oldest son would be left with just the doctors for help. It was for the best. All of what he was doing was for the best.

* * *

On the ride to the clinic he had phoned Doctor Arbogast and told him what was happening. He had kept his face completely neutral. He didn't want Dean to get even a small hint of how bad the situation had become. Doctor Arbogast had told him that his brother was going into premature labor and he needed to get to the clinic as quickly as possible. He had made it there in record time.

He pulled the impala to a complete stop outside the clinic and found the doctors waiting outside for him with a wheelchair. Turning of the engine, he pulled the keys out of the ignition got out of the car and went to the passenger side of the car. Opening the door, he helped Dean out of the car and very quickly eased him into waiting wheelchair. As they rushed into the clinic, he saw Angela who pulled him to one side. When he tried to move away and get back to Dean Angela held him in place.

"Angela let me go I need to be with Dean. He hates being in places like this and I want to be there with him." Sam said. He wanted to there to reassure Dean that everything was going to be okay.

Sam your being there won't help. The doctors need to get Dean sorted out. Once Dean is settled the doctors will come out here and explain everything. After that you will then be able to go and see Dean." Angela said. She had half expected like this to happen to Dean due to the sheer amount of stress Dean had been under. She had hoped that this wouldn't happen to Dean.

"What if Dean is not okay. What if I lose him and the baby?" Sam asked

"Sam will you stop wondering what if. Wait to hear what the doctors tell us before worrying over something. In the meantime let's get a coffee from the machine while we wait." Angela said.

* * *

After a quick assessment both doctors were sure that Dean had begun premature labor. As Dean was having a caesarean there were several things that needed to be done. The first thing that Doctor Heese did was to get Dean comfortable in bed and hook him up to an IV. Doctor Arbogast gave Dean a medication called Magnesium Sulfate. He explained to Dean that medication would be in initially given in a large dose and then in smaller continuous doses over a 24-hour period. Doctor Heese was the one to explain that the medication could cause some nausea. 

The hardest part was telling Dean about the Corticosteroid medication. A medication that could only be given 24 hors before the caesarean would be due to take place. Once Dean had been sorted out and was reasonably settled the doctors left him in the room to go and talk to Sam.

* * *

"How did the conversation with Dean go." Angela asked 

"I told Dean how I felt about him. I begged and explained the whole situation to him. He still hasn't forgiven me and he still doesn't trust me. I know Dean thinks I will leave him again." Sam said

Angela was about to ask Sam another question but found all words taken from her when she saw her husband and Doctor Heese walking towards them. She placed a reassuring hand on Sam's arm and together they faced the doctors.

"Sam it is good to see you again. I just wish it had been in better circumstances. Dean is currently in bed resting. We have attached him to an IV and thought hat IV we have given him the medication Magnesium Sulfate. This medication will slow down or prevent what is happening to Dean. If that doesn't work within the next 24 to 48 hours we are going to start Dean on corticosteroid." Doctor Heese said.

"What does corticosteroid do." Sam asked.

Corticosteroid is a medication that helps to accelerate the baby's lung and brain maturity." Doctor Heese said.

"It's not going to come to that is it. Dean will get better." Sam asked

"Sam I can't promise you anything, but if the Magnesium Sulfate doesn't work, Dean will be having his baby early. I'm sorry Sam but there isn't anything we can't do that we are not already doing." Doctor Arbogast said

"Can I go and see Dean." Sam asked he wanted to be reunited with Dean just reassure himself that Dean was okay.

"He is in the second to last room at the end of the hall. Before you go in there, I have to ask you not to stress Dean out anymore than you already have. Too much stress will worsen his condition. If you can not be civil towards Dean your ass will be out of this clinic so fast it won't get the chance to touch the floor." Doctor Arbogast said with a smile.

"I just want to see him." Sam said as he walked past the doctors and went to the room Dean was in. Once he was at the room he opened, the door closed it behind him and pulled a chair next to the bed so he could be closer to Dean.

"Hey Sam." Dean said. He was in the very last place he wanted to be in, but in his current condition, it was for the best.

For the next twenty-four hours both of the doctors continued to give Dean Magnesium Sulfate in smaller doses. The medication was having no effect. Dean's premature labor was still happening. Both doctors knew that they could continue medication for at least another 24 hours but it wouldn't do much good. They would have to use the Corticosteroid medication. It was doctor Heese who gave Dean the news.

"Dean." Doctor Heese said. He was pleased that Dean had Sam with him but he couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was about to happen. Not any kind of badness to do with the baby, but with this supernatural thing Dean dealt with.

"Doctor Heese what's up?" Dean asked trying to sound cheerful but finding it impossible to. He was having a baby early than expected where was the damn happiness in that.

"Dean the current medication we are giving you is not working. I am going to have to give you the Corticosteroid medication. This medication will accelerate the baby's lung and brain maturity. Now with you being in the 30th week of your pregnancy the baby has a 95 percent chance of survival. The baby will also have very few problems and he will not have any long-term complications. Once the baby is born via a caesarean, he will go into the neonatal care unit. The baby will spend at least three to four weeks in the unit." Doctor Heese said.

"What happens during the caesarean." Sam asked

"Since you do not have a labor partner I will be taking on that role. Doctor Arbogast will be performing the operation and we will both be dressed in the correct manner. Sam will not be allowed into the operating room, as this is an emergency surgery. I know you want Sa in there with you, but we can't bend our rules. To prepare you for the surgery various monitors will be in place to keep a careful eye on your heart rate, breathing and blood pressure. We will be using a tube placed in your nostrils to give you a supply of oxygen during the caesarean. A catheter will be inserted into your bladder though the urethra. You will feel slightly uncomfortable when this is placed in, but that discomfort won't last. An IV will be placed in your hand. Your belly will be washed and any air will be shaved of. A privacy screen will be placed around your belly. After being given the anesthesia, Doctor Arbogast will make an incision on the skin above your abdomen. Doctor Arbogast will then gently part the abdominal muscles to get to the uterus." Doctor Heese said as he paused for breath.

"Uterus I didn't think I had one." Dean said. Truth be told he didn't want to believe he had. Even though he had been having contractions and had spent the last eight months pregnant, he didn't want to think about having a uterus. Deep down he knew that it was highly likely he did have one, but in his mind that made him more a woman than a man. It was stupid to feel like that but he did.

"Dean the uterus you have is similar to that of a woman's but unlike a woman it is not something you were born with. I am entirely sure about the curse finer details but from what you have told me the uterus will not be there once the child has been born." Doctor Heese said

"What if it does remain. What happens then?" Dean asked

"Then the possibility remains that you will have more children." Doctor Heese replied

"Fuck having anymore kids. If this uterus remains I will not let another person near me." Dean said. He wouldn't go without sex, but his only interest would be with women. He was not going to have sex with another man is this uterus remained.

"Dean," Sam began. He wanted to tell Dean not to be so fixated on having a uterus. They were having a bay and although it had been made possible though a curse, it was still a gift.

"What Sam are you going to tell me not to fixate on this one thing. If your are going to I highly suggest you keep quite. I have every damn right to get like this," Dean said.

Fuck me how does he know what I was thinking Sam thought. Biting back the retort that was on the tip of his tongue he said; "I just wanted to know more about the caesarean."

"As I was saying once Doctor Arbogast has reached the uterus he will make an incision into the uterus itself. Once that incision has been made, your son will be pulled out. Doctor Arbogast will suction the baby's mouth and nose. Then he will then clamp and cut the umbilical cord. You will get to see your son briefly before he is put into the incubator and taken to the neonatal intensive care unit. Doctor Arbogast will then remove the placenta from the uterus. The uterus will then be close with dissolvable stitches." Doctor Heese said.

"What is all of that going to feel like?" Dean asked. If this was going to hurt in the slightest, he wanted drugs and lots of them.

"You will not feel any pain during the caesarean. You will feel sensations like pulling and pressure. Since this is no longer a planned caesarean, we will be putting you to sleep. So you will not be feeling any pain neither will you remember anything." Doctor Heese said.

"I want to be awake. I am not going to be knocked out. I have not gone though the last eight months just to be knocked out at the last hurdle." Dean said.

"You can be given an epidural or a spinal block that will numb you from the waist down. This way you will be awake to hear your son being born. Are you certain this is way you wish to go?" Doctor asked. He had expected Dean to object to being rendered unconscious as the caesarean took place, so the epidural or spinal block had always been a second option.

"Yes." Dean said

"As I mentioned earlier in our conversation the corticosteroid will be given over a 24-hour period. The caesarean will be scheduled for a day's time at 9.30pm. Are there any other questions you wish to ask?" Doctor Heese asked. He wanted to be sure that both Dean and Sam had the answers they needed to there question.

"What will I feel like after the caesarean." Dean asked

"You will be staying in a hospital for five days after the c-section. For at least one of those days you will be on total bed rest. Right after the surgery, you may feel itchy, sore and sick to your stomach. These are all perfectly normal reactions to the surgery. For the first few days and weeks after the c-section you will feel tried. You will also have soreness around the incisions. Either Doctor Arbogast or I will prescribe medications or suitable over the counter medications that are safe to use if you choose to breast feed." Doctor Heese replied.

"Is there anything Dean should or shouldn't do after the caesarean." Sam asked

"For something as serious as a caesarean you will find that something as simple as going up and down the stairs difficult so don't be scared to ask for help. It is also recommended that you avoid driving or any lifting of heavy objects." Doctor Heese said.

"Will there be a scar." Dean asked. He had so many scars but they were all from the hunt. He wasn't sure about having a scar that reminded him of the caesarean. It wasn't that he would be ashamed of having a caesarean he just didn't want another scar.

"The caesarean scar will fade over time. It will decrease in size and blend in with the color of your own skin." Doctor Heese said.

"Is there anything Dean can do to help him recover from the caesarean." Sam asked. He wanted to make sure that Dean ate the correct food and did the right things to help him recover quickly.

"I would advise that Dean rest's as much as he can. He can drink plenty of fresh juice and water to flush out his bladder. Cereals, vegetables and fruit will provide enough vitamin C to help him heal. They will also contain enough roughage to help his bowels move more easily. I would recommend that he doesn't have too many people visiting. From my own experience that it tires you to quickly. Do what I did and don't be too embarrassed to ask for help. If someone wants to go to the shops for you let them." Doctor Heese said.

"Thank you Doctor." Sam said as he unconsciously pointed to a now sleeping Dean.

Smiling at the sight of a now asleep Dean Doctor Heese turned to Sam and said; "I will send Doctor Arbogast in here and he will administer the corticosteroid. I would recommend that you go and get some sleep in a few hours. There is a spare room next to this one. I know you don't want to be separated from Dean but you need to be well rested."

"I will go next door in a few hours I just want to spend some time with Dean." Sam said as he brushed a stray strand of hair out of Dean's closed eyes.

"Just don't stay to long." Doctor Heese said

* * *

With the ingredients of the spell in place, the appropriate symbols drawn in a neat circle and in a photo of Sam had been placed in the middle of the circle the spell could begin. The words to the spell were in a long dead demon language that he had trouble vocalizing so the spells words would be uttered in his mind. The spell would still work it just wouldn't be what you would normally expect from such a complex spell. A spell of this magnitude usually appeared to be dramatic. When a spell was done in complete silence, it always proved to be more potent. He still had his doubts about doing the spell but he trusted John. He trusted John not to be a selfish prick. He could only hope that trust wasn't misplaced. 

"So you say a few word sin your mind and this spell is complete." John asked. When bobby had explained the details of the spell to him, he had trouble believing that everything would be so quiet. Since he wanted Bobby to do this spell without asking to many questions he had just listened and accepted what Bobby had told him.

"Yes, John are you a hundred percent sure that you want to do this spell." Bobby asked

"It's for the best. It will save Sam from any unnecessary pain." John said not even feeling guilty the smallest twinge of guilt. He was a hundred percent certain that what he was doing for his sons was for the best.

"I just need you to be completely silent. Any vocal sound of any sort will fuck this spell up." Bobby said. He still had his doubts about the spell and it was for that reason he was changing the wording of the spell slightly. The spell would still affect Sam as he told John it would but there would be slight get out clause. For Sam to remember the last few months Dean would have to die. It wasn't much of a get out clause but it was the best he was able to do with this type of a spell. Taking a breath to calm he began the spell.

* * *

As he had promised Doctor Heese he spent just a few hours with Dean before going to the room next door to Dean to get some much needed sleep before the caesarean. Sleep didn't come easy. For two hours he just laid awake thinking of Dean and there unborn son. 

He was on the edge of sleep when it happened.

It was as if an ice-cold hand was reaching across his skin. For a few moments, all he felt was cold. The kind of cold that comes from supernatural shit. The cold worked its way up his body and came to a stop as it reached his heart. He wanted to move, but found himself unable to. Then the cold moved into his body and encased his heart. Then very quickly the coldness moved up to his head and pulled at something deep within in his mind. In that one single moment, he let out a scream that could be heard throughout the clinic.

When the doctors came rushing into the room Sam occupied to find out what had been the cause of the gut wrenching scream they found the room empty. There was no sign that Sam had ever been in the bed apart from a small amount of ice that had formed on the bed.

Sam had disappeared and both of the doctors knew that the cause had been supernatural. The thought of this happening to Dean sent both of the doctors to his room next. Dean was sitting up in bed. Neither of the doctors wanted to be the one to tell Dean what had happened but they had no choice. Sam's disappearance could not be hidden from Dean.

"Sam has disappeared and the only thing that has been left behind on the bed he occupied was a patch of ice." Doctor Arbogast said.

He wanted to cry out at the unfairness of what had happened but where would that get him. His dad had kept his whispered promise to save Sam from him. His dad had taken away his happiness and it hurt so damn much. His own dad had ripped away from his side the only person other than his unborn son that he could love. He would get his revenge. He would make his dad pay. Looking at Doctor Arbogast he said; "He kept his promise."

"Who kept his promise Dean." Doctor Arbogast asked

"Dad he promised to save Sam from me." Dean said as he bowed his head slightly before adding, "He did this to me because he can't believe that I am telling the truth. He thinks this will fix everything."

"Dean we can find Sam. We can bring him back to the clinic." Doctor Heese suggested as he silently began to think of the many ways he could kill John Winchester bury the body and get away with it. He knew without asking for help that Doctor Arbogast and his wife would help him kill John Winchester.

"Don't bother. This time Sam has gone and nothing is going to bring him back. Whatever dad has done made sure of that," Dean said. Just when he had been ready to let Sam into his heart, again shit like this happened. For him this was just more proof that the world was out to screw him over.

Is that what you really want to do," Doctor Arbogast asked

"Yes." Dean replied.

"Well instead of being with Sam for the first few weeks after this pregnancy, you will be staying with Angela and me. You will get that much-needed rest and you will have help with the baby. I will not allow you to be under the misguided belief that you are alone in all of this. We are your friends Dean and we are going to help." Doctor Arbogast said.

"Thank you." Dean said

* * *

Bobby finished the spell and instantly regretted doing so. He had felt Sam's emotions as the spell had completed its actions and he felt anger. Sam's anger for who was taking him away from Dean. He had never felt such raw unadulterated anger from anyone before. It was in that one moment that he knew that John had lied to him. John had lied so he could get what he wanted and that pissed him of. He regarded the Winchester boys as his own sons. 

"The spell has been done and I hope you are satisfied John," Bobby said

"How can I be satisfied when I had to resort to spell casting to save my sons." John said playing the part of the grieved father perfectly.

"You lied to me John. In all the years I have known you not once have, you lied to me. How could you do this to me?" Bobby demanded he was angry that he had been so willing to believe what John had told him without question.

"Dean told me he was pregnant. Then Sam tells me he is the father and he enjoyed every fucking minute of the sex he had with Dean. I watched a tape of the ultra sound that dean claimed to be his. I talked to two doctors who claimed to be helping. I touched the bump and it was like I was touching Mary's bump. It's sickening." John said.

"How is Dean pregnant." Bobby asked

A curse of some sort. My own Damn son thinks his preganant." John said.

God I wish I could say this was funny, but its not. In all the time, I have known those two boys they have never lied to me. Sure they dicked around but that's all a part of growing up. Shit John you are so deep in the river of denial that you are slowly drowning. Without even seeing those boys I know they are telling the truth. You have just waved goodbye to your sons. Dean will know you did this and that boy can hold a grudge. He doesn't forget when someone has screwed him over in such a huge ass way. Dean will never forgive or respect you gain." Bobby said

"I have done the right thing by my sons." John said refusing to admit that maybe Bobby was right.

"What you have done punish Dean for something you foolishly continue to deny. You have taken away any choice Sam had when it concerned Dean and the baby. What you have done is destroy your sons. Congratulations John you have achieved what no demon ever could."


	25. Chapter 24

**Notes: **All of the information about premature babies comes from the internet. So hopefully the details are as correct as they can be.

**Notes: **The Apgar test is a way in which doctors can check the condition of a baby immediately after its birth

**Notes: **The baby's full name is still Alexander Samuel Winchester

* * *

He does not know how to describe how he is feeling. Just two days ago, he was still preganant Sam was with him and he was back on the slow path back to happiness. 

Now he was no longer preganant.

Baby Alexander had been taken from him just seconds after the caesarean. He had been given a quick look at his son and it was heartbreaking. Alexander bore such a strong resemblance to Sam. It was going to be so hard to look at his son and not think of Sam. After the caesarean section, he had been given pain relief. Despite that pain relief, he was still in pain but that pain was not a problem. It was another reminder of what he had just gone though.

In the seven hours since Alexander's birth Doctor Heese had come in to check up on his vital signs and urine levels. Everything was okay and Doctor Heese had promised to take the catheter out after another two days had passed. That was fine by him. With what he had gone though in the last few days going for a piss on his own was not at the top of list of things he needed to do. Sure, he wanted to be able to hold his dick again and go for a piss but that would involve movement. He was not very keen on moving more than a few inches. Doctor Heese had also told him that he would be able to have ice chips in a few hours. Then a few hours after that water, juice and Jell-O. It sucked that he was on a liquid diet for the next 24 hours. After Doctor Heese had finished checking up on him, he had gone back to Alexander and ordered him to get some sleep.

He could not seep. He was bone tried but he could not sleep.

He should be happy that the caesarean had been performed without any complications.

From the crying his son had made upon being bought into the world he knew his sons lungs were in good condition. Doctor Arbogast had performed the Apgar test on baby Alexander after his birth. He had only known what part of the test meant and what it did as Doctor Arbogast had explained it all as he performed the quick test. Alexander had scored one on his heart rate, respiration, reflex response and muscle tone. His son had scored a two on color. It left his son with a score of six out ten. For a baby who was ten weeks premature that was a better than expected score. A high score according to doctor Arbogast was a good thing.

He desperately wanted to be near his son. He wanted to sit next to his son's incubator just to make sure he was okay. It was stupid but he did not want anyone to get to close to his son while he was still stuck on bed rest. He wanted to get out of bed but he knew Angela and the doctors would be on his ass if he tried to.

"Dean." Angela cheerfully said as she walked into the room. She had seen baby Alexander and she knew that when that boy grew up he was going to break many hearts. She had taken two Polaroid photographs of Alexander so that Dean would have a constant reminder of his son. As Dean was on bed rest for the next day, the photographs were going to be the only way Dean would get to see his son.

"Angela." Dean replied in no mood to be cheerful.

Sitting on the chair Sam had once claimed as his own Angela took the photographs out of her pocket and gave them to Dean. She pointed to the first Polaroid and said; "That Polaroid was taken just and hour after Alexander had been placed in the incubator. The second Polaroid was taken just ten minutes ago. Alexander is such a beautiful boy you must be so proud."

Dean looked at both of the Polaroid photographs and could not help but notice how small his son was. There were so many wires and tubes that were attached to his son and surrounding him that was a shock to see them. He could feel the tears in his eyes welling up. He knew that most of the tubes and wires were not serious but it was still a shock to see his son like that. Alexander had small knitted hat on his head something he could only assume was there to help keep his son warm. His son was adorable but so vulnerable. Touching the Polaroid and wishing that it was his son he was touching he said; "He looks so small."

"Alexander is slightly larger than we expected him to be. He weighs 3.5 pounds and is 17 inches long. It would seem that Alexander has someone looking after him. Alexander has hardly any problems." Angela said.

"Problems what kind of problems does my son have." Dean demanded

"I'm sorry Dean I didn't mean to alarm you. Alexander's lungs are not as strong as a baby who is born at full term." Angela said. After Doctor Heese has checked up on Dean to see how he was doing after the caesarean, she had talked to her husband and Doctor Heese. They had all agreed that she should be the one to answer any questions Dean might have. It was not that the doctors were unwilling to talk to Dean they just felt that Dean would be more comfortable talking to her.

"What are the doctors doing to help strength Alexander's lungs?" Dean asked. He wanted to know all about the details of his sons care.

"Alexander has a C-Pap in his nose to help push air into his lungs." Angela said

"How is Alexander being fed? Is he getting the right amount of food to help him grow?" Dean asked

"Alexander has an IV for al of his nutritional needs. The doctors are careful monitoring your son so they can change the amount of nutrition he receives when it becomes necessary." Angela said. She had to refer to Alexander's nutritional IV as food but it did not seem like the correct way to describe the IV that was giving Alexander his nutritional needs.

"What are all of the other wires for?" Dean asked

"It is the monitoring equipment. It is there for the doctors so they can keep a close eye on Alexander's heart rate, his rate of breathing and glucose levels." Angela said.

"I need to know more about the incubator and what it does. I know the doctors already explained it to me but I need someone to explain it tot me again." Dean said. He had to keep his mind occupied with thoughts other than Sam and the murderous intentions he had towards his father.

"Are you sure you want me to explain this to you. The doctors would be able to explain this lot better than I can," Angela said.

"I … I just need to talk to someone who isn't a doctor." Dena said. He usually was not so open or needy about what he wanted but now his emotions were all over the place.

"Incubators completely surround the baby within them. The incubators keep the baby warm, decrease the chance of infection and limit water loss." Angela explained.

"I… Dean stopped speaking. He wanted to say that he needed Sam. Fuck he was desperate to be near San again but he knew with what his dad had done that was impossible.

"Dean." Angela said. She was all for Doctor Heese plan of tracking down John Winchester and exacting revenge on him. The last thing Dean needed was to be alone. It was not because she had doubts of Dean's abilities as a parent. She just knew he needed Sam's support. She along with Doctor Heese and her husband would support Dean but they could not be there all of the time. She knew what having a newborn child was like and Dean would need help. He would need to know that he was not alone.

Taking a breath Dean tired to stop the tears that were threatening to fall but found himself unable to. Pulling a tissue out of a nearby box and wiping his eyes with the tissue Dean said; "Fuck I want Sam. I never thought I would admit to needing him but I do. How I am going to cope with Alexander. I do not have anything for him yet. Fuck, I have not even begun to make a list. I didn't think I would need to for a while."

"We can get Sam and bring him back to the clinic." Angela suggested

"What would be the damn point? Sam wouldn't remember a damn thing." Dean said

"How can you be so sure that Sam will not remember anything?" Angela asked

"I know what my dad is like. He will not have just taken Sam from me. He would have made damn sure that Sam would not be able to come back to me. He would have made sure that there was no way Sam could remember anything of what had happened in the last few months. In my dads eyes that is the only way he can save Sam from me." Dean said.

"John Winchester is an asshole who needs to be reminded that he doesn't always get everything he wants. I still believe we should bring Sam back to the clinic. We could show Sam all of the evidence of your pregnancy. We could show Sam baby Alexander. If none of that worked we could do a DNA test," Angela said. All of this could work out all she had to do is get Dean to agree with her plans.

"I am not going though all of this with Sam for a third time. It hurts to damn much. I have to think of my son Angela. I know it is selfish to exclude Sam from Alexander's life but I have had enough. I have to start a life with Alexander that does not include Sam. I want Sam in my life again, but I am not willing to go though all of this heartache again," Dean said

"Dean…

"Angela I am asking you not to go behind my back for a second time." Dean said. He needed to know that Sam would not just turn up unexpectedly. He really did not need a surprise like that.

Changing the subject to a slightly more comfortable and easy subject she asked. "Those lists that you have yet to begin how about we make a start."

"Sure," Dean replied. Doing a list with Angela on all the things, he needed to get for his son would keep his mind busy.

* * *

Bobby had spent the better part of two hours after John had left making plans to visit Dean. He had a lot to do fro Dean. He had done so many things that needed to be forgiven. He fully expected Dean to want to take a piece out of him when he fond out what his role had been in Sam's disappearance. He was prepared to take any kind of punishment that Dean chose he more than deserved it. Before he could visit Dean, he had to contact Sam. He knew that Sam would find it highly unusual that an old family friend was phoning him but it was not a phone call he could avoid making. As well as getting Deans forgiveness he needed Sam's as well.

Before John had left, he had managed to get hold of Sam's phone number at Stanford. He had managed to get the phone number after John had left his phone on the kitchen table. Usually John would not have let the phone out of his sight but this time had been different. His old friend had drunk to many beers and passed out.

The phone call to Sam was one he had made the decision to make when he was just ten minutes from the clinic he knew Dean to be in. As well as feeling Sam's emotions as he had performed the spell, he had also gotten a brief glimpse into Sam's memories. What he had seen only reinforced his belief that Sam and Dean were meant to be together. So it would be viewed as sinful or downright disgusting in the yes of most peoples, but he was not most people. Those boys deserved happiness and if they found it with each other who really gave a damn.

For two hours, he had driven like a bat out of hell to get to the clinic. He needed to talk to Dean. Now the more important thing was his phone call to Sam. So as he had promised himself he pulled over to the side of the road when he was ten minutes away from the clinic. He quickly took his cell phone out of his coat pocket and dialled Sam's number before he could change his mind.

For a few seconds there was silence and then he heard Sam's voice, "Who is this."

Sam was definitely a Winchester. Never give away any information. "Its bobby I am an old friend of your fathers."

"How did you get my phone number and why are you phoning me." Sam asked. Since leaving his family nearly eight months ago he had no contact with his family. For Bobby to be phoning him something bad would have to happened to his dad or Dean. Despite knowing that he could not find it within his heart to care. He had left the hunt behind him and he did not want to be pulled back into the hunt.

"From your father's cell phone. I am phoning about your dad and Dean." Bobby replied

"I didn't want to know what they have gone and done now. I am just not interested. I have a life at college and I don't want any hint of the hunt to be involved in my college life." Sam said

"Sam I know you don't want to be included in the hunt again. I am not calling to ask for your help on some hunt or job. Dean is in trouble and your father is responsible." Bobby said even though it was not the truth. He had been the one to deprive Dean of Sam. He had done the spell that was the cause of Dean being left again. All John had one was deny the obvious.

"I'm not interested." Sam said. He did not want to be included in some fight that Dean and there dad was having.

"I don't give s hit if you are not interested or not. Dean is in trouble and your pig headed brother is refusing to acknowledge Dean is his son. Dean is in a clinic and alone." Bobby said.

"What happened why is Dean in a clinic." Sam asked only now becoming vaguely interested in Dean and there dad.

"Dean is in a situation that your father does not approve of. He has had to go to this clinic to get the help he needs." Bobby said. He could not go into details, as he did not know that many. He knew that telling Sam the details he did know would get him to the clinic.

"Situation is it supernatural related." Sam asked

"Yes it is. Your father was less than helpful when it concerns Dean's unique situation. Your father is less than happy with Dean," Bobby said. He was not sure how he could really explain what John had done without sounding to crazy.

"Dad would never turn his back on Dean." Sam replied. In the last few years he had seen how there dad had treated Dean with nothing but respect. Dean was and as far, he knew still the favoured son.

"That is exactly is what he has done. Dean has no family to support him. Your asshole of a father is under the mistaken belief that he has done nothing wrong." Bobby said

"What exactly is wrong with Dean?" Sam asked only half interested in the answer.

"It's complicated." Bobby said. He did not want to have to admit to Sam that Dean was pregnant. He did not want to do something like that over the phone but with the way, the phone conversation was going he would have no choice.

"Uncomplicate it for me." Sam said.

"Just listen to what I have to say and don't interrupt me. I don't want to have to repeat any of this." Bobby said

"I won't interrupt." Sam said as he sat down on the edge of his bed. He had the feeling that he would not like what Bobby had to tell him.

"Dean was cursed you both were. From what little your father told me you enjoyed every fucking minute of the sex you had with Dean. Those are his words not mine. Dean is preganant and you are the father of that baby. John has seen an ultrasound of the baby. He has even touched Dean's baby bump and felt something move. After all of that he still refused to believe that Dean was preganant." Bobby said

"Please tell me you are joking." Sam asked. How could Bobby expect him to believe that Dean was preganant and he was the father of the baby? He had never touched his brother in a sexual manner.

"I'm not joking Sam." Bobby said. He was now more than ever regretting the spell he had performed for John.

"How can you expect me to believe this? I have never touched Dean in a sexual way. I don't even like him in that way. He is my brother." Sam said.

"You don't remember because of a spell I performed that took away all of your knowledge of Dean and the baby. John asked me for help and I agreed. He told me that you were both under a spell and there had to be a way to break the spell so he could save you both. He was desperate for help. So I told John about a powerful spell that could break whatever spell had been placed on the pair of you. Then it went wrong. I told John that I could only break the spell for just one person and John choose you. He told me that Dean already had the help he needed. John so was insistent that you were not to remember anything. I asked John about Dean but he was not interested in Dean. Sam when I performed the spell I felt your emotions. I even received a few of your memories. You were so angry with me for performing the spell and taking you away from Dean," Bobby said.

"A spell is why I don't remember. How do I know this isn't a joke?" Sam asked. Why should he believe that Bobby was telling him the truth?

"Sam, Dean is alone. He has had his support taken from him. Once Dean finds out what your dad has done and how I was involved he will be beyond angry. I need you to believe that Dean is pregnant." Bobby asked

"Why is it so important for me to believe that Dean is preganant?" Sam asked

He did not want to answer Sam's question with a direct answer so he said; "The only way for you to regain those memories is for Dean to die. He doesn't have to die permanently just for a few short seconds. Those few seconds will be enough to break the spell. I am asking you as a friend of the family to believe what I am telling you. Now if you choose to believe me you need to get to Casthas clinic as fast as possible."

"Why does Dean have to die?" Sam demanded

"Fuck Sam were you no listening to me. It is the only way you can get those memories back. You could just continue with your life as it is, but that life would be a lie." Bobby said.

"I like my life. I don't want those memories back." Sam said

"You stubborn son of a bitch. Being stubborn would be the one thing you got from John. Dean is alone and preganant, but you being just as cold hearted as john. Are you so damn set on college that Dean doesn't even matter?" Bobby asked

"I care for Dean but I am not about to leave college for him." Sam said. He had worked long and hard to get into college. He was not going to let Dean ruin that.

"I never thought you could be so selfish Sam. I am just asking for your help with Dean. If you will not help, I will be there for Dean. He may want to kill me for the spell built I will take that risk. I will tell Dean about the get out clause ad tell him that all he needs to do to get you back is die." Bobby said. He had hoped that Sam would agree to help him with Dean.

"Blackmailing me will not get me to help you with Dean. I am done dealing with Dean and dad every time they get into a fight. If you want to help Dean go ahead." Sam said as he ended the phone call.

"Fucking stubborn bastard." Bobby swore into the phone. He could not believe that Sam had shown so little interest in Dean. What had happened to the boy who always had Dean's best interests in mind? The Sam he had known before the spell would never have refused to help him. He had screwed up so damn much when he had done that spell.

He would have to face Dean alone

He would not be able to take a gun into the clinic for protection. He could not only hope that Dean would not kill him.

* * *

He had spent the last two hours talking to Angela about all of the things he would need to get for baby Alexander and the list was endless. There were clothes, clothes that would need to be slightly smaller than normal, as his son was premature. When Angela had mentioned breast feeding his reaction had been less than normal. He had sworn, cried and refused to talk about breast-feeding for a few minutes. He had planned to breast-feed his son as he had read in so many books that breast was best. He may have planned on breast-feeding but at that moment it was not something he wanted to talk about. He did not want to discuss something so personal. After claming down he had told Angela that he would express milk for his son while he was in the incubator but he was not going to do it once he left the clinic. As he had pointed out to Angela unlike most new mom's he could not breast feed is son in public.

He had told Angela about the money he had saved for a life away from the hunt. Money that he would now use for Alexander. He had then explained that he would not be able to get the money until he was well enough to leave the hospital. Angela had told him that she would buy any stuff that he needed to buy for the baby and he could pay her back once he had the time to get to the bank. He had tired to argue with Angela telling her that he did not feel comfortable owing anyone money. Angela had just told him that was what friends were for and that had been the end of there conversation about money.

When the list for Alexander had been completed, Angela mentioned his total lack of a hospital bag. That list had been only half page long. There was a change of clothes. Clothes that would have to be a size smaller than what he was wearing now, as he had longer had a baby bump. Other items ere more common sense. The baby book was a prime example. After both lists had been completed, Angela left him alone in the room with the promise to come back later to show him what she had bought for Alexander.

He was the proud father or should that mother of newborn son.

He had yet to ask the doctors about this still having a uterus. He really did not want to know the answer but he fully expected the answer to be a firm yes. He did not want to admit it but he could feel the uterus contracting back into whatever size it used to be before. Having a uterus meant he would be able to have more children and he was not ready to think about that yet.

He was not nervous.

He did not feel like he was going to face a firing squad. He did not fell as if he was about to do something that would cause no end of trouble.

He could do this. Any kind of punishment coming his way was well deserved. He had taken something from Dean that could not be returned unless death played its card. Squaring his shoulders he walked into the clinic and went over to the first doctor e could find.

"I'm looking for Dean Winchester." Bobby said. The doctor stood in front of him looked like one of those actors you would see playing the leading part in a dumb ass action movie.

"You are." Doctor Heese asked. He was not about to admit to the presence of Dean Winchester in the clinic to a man he did not know.

"A family friend." Bobby replied

Doctor Heese looked at the man in front of him and although he may have been a family friend he was not about to let him see Dean. John Winchester was the father from hell so god knows what a family friend could be like. Raising his left eyebrow slightly he asked; "Is that meant to mean something to me."

"I know what John Winchester did to take Sam away from Dean." Bobby said

"What did that man do?" Doctor Heese asked. He was in no mood to be pleasant or civil when it came to John Winchester.

"Its complicated and I am only going to this once," Bobby said

"Mr...

"Bobby," Bobby replied

"Bobby Dean is a friend and with hoe his family have been treating him in the last few days a family friend is the very last thing he needs." Doctor Heese said.

"It is not for you to decide who Dean can and cannot see. I have known that boy for far longer than you have. Dean needs to know what caused Sam to disappear. He has the right to know and you cannot take that from him." Bobby said.

"Bobby I understand that what you have to tell Dean is important but I don't want anything upsetting anymore than is necessary." Doctor Heese said.

"I'm not going to lie to you but what I have to tell Dean would have him reaching for a shotgun if he had one with him. What I will tell him will hurt but he needs to know." Bobby said as he attempted to convince Doctor Heese to let him see Dean.

"If I hear shouting or you upset Dean then you will be escorted out of this clinic and never be allowed back in." Doctor Heese said.

"Agreed just show me where Dean is" Bobby asked.

"Follow me," Doctor Heese said. He walked though various hallways of the clinic only stopping when he came to Deans room. Turning to face Bobby he said; "He is in this room."

Bobby did not utter any words when Doctor Heese told him that this was Dean's room. What could he say that had not already been said? He watched Doctor Heese walk away and squaring his shoulders he walked into the room. What he saw was a surprise. Dean looked as if he had been put though the emotional ringer. He was hooked up to IV and there was no bump. That meant the baby had been born early and he fucked up more than he had first believed.

"You might want to take a picture it will last longer." Dean said. He was not going to ask why bobby was here he knew it had to be something to do with Sam.

Stepping into the room and closing the door behind him he said; "Dean I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what." Dean asked. Shit now he really did not wan to hear what Bobby had to say but the perverse part of him could not wait to hear what Bobby had to say.

"For Sam's disappearing act." Bobby replied.

"Why are you sorry for that it was dad who had involvement in Sam's leaving not you?" Dean replied

"I only wish that was the truth. A few days ago, John came to me asking for help with sons. He told me that you and Sam were in trouble. Trouble that you both needed help to getting out of. I had no reason to disbelieve him. He was every inch the concerned father. When he told that, the baby you were carrying was a parasite I had no reason to believe that he was telling me was not the truth. He appeared to be so desperate to help you both and when I mentioned the spell he was eager but he kept asking me if I was doing the right thing. I reassured him that he only had the best interests of his sons in mind. I did not realize he was lying to me. I could feel Sam's anger as he was taken from you. I saw some of his memories and it was then that I knew John had lied. He had lied to get what he wanted from me. John did not want to believe you were preganant. I am so sorry Dean. You have no idea just how sorry I am." Bobby said.

"Sorry shit is that all you can say to me. It took a lot for me to let Sam back into my life after he left me the first time. I even had the foolish hope that something would go right for me. One fucking word does not change what has happened." Dean said. He did not blame Bobby for Sam not being with him he could not. Bobby had just been manipulated by his dad into doing something against his will. He was pissed of with his dad but Bobby was here and his dad was not.

"I know sorry doesn't do a damn thing. There is a get out clause in this spell all you have to do is die for a few seconds." Bobby said

"All I have to do is die. You make it sound like I am just buying a lotto ticket. Do you seriously expect me to say yes go ahead and kill me. Fuck that idea. I am not going to be the one who always has to make sacrifices just so Sam can remember. Fuck I am just not that desperate." Dean said.

"How are you going to manage as a single parent? You have to know that your dad will never accept the baby." Bobby said.

"Is this your pathetic attempt at trying to convince me just how much I need Sam? I have friends who are more than willing to help me." Dean said.

"How long are these friends going to be there? Have you given any actual thought as to what happens when those friends are no longer there, Do you have any concept of how hard it will be to raise your son in the world we live in. It will be hard work Dean and you have to be sure that it's the way you want to go." Bobby said. He was determined that Dean knew what he was letting himself in for when it concerned the life of a single parent. He had to get Dean to know that without Sam everything would so much harder.

"I know my friends won't be there for a long time. I am not that naïve. I helped to raise Sam and I was only four years old. I know what I am doing and I don't need you telling me otherwise." Dean said

"Dean I just don't want you to be alone." Bobby confessed. He did not like the thought of Dean being alone when it came to raising his son.

"I won't be alone." Dean said

"Just tell me what you plan on doing once you're not in the clinic. What are you going to do when it is just you and the baby? How are you going to cope with having a baby and being on the road?" Bobby asked.

"I'll manage." Dean replied. He knew it would be hard but it would be worth it for his son.

"Bullshit you are going to need help and I am offering." Bobby said. He was more than willing to help Dean with the baby. It would help to ease some of the guilt he had about doing the spell. A spell that had taken so much from Dean.

"Why should I trust you to help me? How do I know you won't try to harm my son?" Dean asked

"I told your father he was deep in the river of denial. I told him that you were going to old a grudge over this. The stubborn old man refused to believe that he was wrong. He kept on insisting that he had done the right thing by his sons. I told John he had destroyed both of his son's and I meant it. You did not have to believe what I am saying Dean but I want you to. I would never harm your son. I will do everything within my power to help him." Bobby said.

"My sons name is Alexander and he is ten weeks premature. The doctors have told me that he has lungs that are stronger than most babies born at 30 weeks are. I think that might have something to with the whole curse. Bobby I know you want to help and I want to say yes …

"I sense a but coming." Bobby remarked.

Smiling despite the situation Dean replied; "You may not have known that dad was lying but you still preformed the spell. I can't just trust with my son in an instant."

"What could I do to gain your trust?" Bobby asked

"We could start of slow. You could visit every few days until Alexander is ready to leave the clinic." Dean suggested. He knew that Alexander would be in hospital fro another four to five weeks. Alexander needed to weigh more and his lungs needed to be little stronger than they currently were.

"What happens when Alexander gets the okay from the doctors?" Bobby asked

"By then I will trust you more and hopefully that offer of help will still stand," Dean replied.

* * *

Three hours had passed since the phone call from Bobby and all he could do was think of what Bobby had told him. Was he selfish for wanting a life at college? Was he stubborn for putting what he wanted from life above helping Dean? Three hours ago, he had been convinced that staying at college was what he wanted to do. Now he was not sure.

The more he thought about it the more he wanted to go to the clinic and see Dean. He could not just leave college to go and visit Dean. He had exams that needed to be taken in a few weeks. Exams that he could not afford to miss and had yet to revise for. Dean would just have to wait. At the moment, college was a lot more important than helping Dean.


	26. Chapter 25

**Notes: **I was going to be mean and have baby Alexander suffer from all manner off illnesses but there was to be something good happening for Dean. I figure that Alexander being healthy than expected is the good thing.

**Notes: **NICU Neonatal Intensive Care Unit

"Dean would you like to see Alexander." Doctor Heese asked. They were words he had wanted to say for the last two days. He wanted to take Dean to see baby Alexander. Alexander was a baby that although had been born ten weeks premature was healthy. They had all expected Alexander to have many troubles health wise prime among them being his lungs. For reasons that they had yet to explain, Alexander's lungs had been what you would normally expect to see in a baby born at 34 weeks gestation.

Biting his lip to prevent the but coming out he said; "Yes sitting in this bed all day for the last two days has been driving me slowly mad."

"You will not be walking down to the neonatal Intensive care unit. I want you to use the wheelchair I have with me." Doctor Heese said. He did not want Dean walking down to the NICU as it would put too much of a strain on his body.

Without uttering any words to start and argument with Doctor Heese, he slowly got up of the bed and into the waiting wheelchair. Even that small movement from the bed to the wheelchair had taken a lot out of him but he was not about to tell doctor Heese that. He desperately wanted to see his son and a little discomfort was not going to stop that.

Once he was satisfied, that Dean was sitting correctly in the wheelchair he wheeled Dean out of the room and began the walk to the NICU. He had wanted to talk to Dean about the whole uterus situation after Dean had seen Alexander in the incubator for the first time. It was however, a conversation he could no longer afford to put of. Dean needed to know what both he and Doctor Arbogast had discovered about Deans uterus. Instead of going straight to the NICU he took Dean into what had been referred to as the comfortable room. The comfy room has very much like a smaller version of showrooms lounge. It was called the comfortable room as it was were parents or other patients always received bad news.

"Why am I in this room instead of with my son?" Dean demanded.

"Dean I will be taking you to see Alexander in a few minutes. I need to talk to you about the uterus." Doctor Heese said. It was not a discussion he wanted to gave in the NICU as Deans focus would rightly be on his son.

"Please tell me that I don't have a uterus." Dean asked. He had some thoughts earlier on about having a uterus and it was not something he wanted to admit to having. He did not want to admit to something that to some people help to define what made a woman different from a man.

"Dean I can't lie to you but from the scans we did three hours ago you still have a uterus. Now I know that you expected to be gifted with just one child but that is not going to happen. You will be able to have more children." Doctor Heese said.

"I can't have a uterus. I just can't" Dean said desperately wanting to ignore what he knew to be the truth. It had taken several months to get used to the idea of being pregnant and having a child. He was not nearly ready enough to deal with the idea of rampantly being able to have children.

"Dean look at this news as an unexpected gift." Doctor Heese said.

"Alexander is a gift I will treasure for the rest of my life but this is a fucking joke. I cannot have more children. I can't go though the rest of my life knowing I can have more children." Dean said

"Dean I know this isn't what you wanted to hear but it is the truth. You need to see this in a positive light." Doctor Heese replied.

"How can any of this be positive?" Dean demanded. He was not angry with Doctor Heese he just did not want to have the ability of having more children. He did not want to go though life avoiding men just because he could have children. He was pissed that the damn bitch that had began this fucking curse had lied. He had assumed that gifted with happiness meant having just one child not the ability to have more than one child.

"Alexander could have a brother or sister in a few years." Doctor Heese said a she attempted to get Dean to see the good side of having the ability to have more than one child.

"I don't want more children." Dean said.

"You can't make a decision like that just a few days after having your first child." Doctor Heese said. He did not think Dean was adverse to having more children no dean was upset because the uterus he had never really admitted to having was still there.

"Yes I can." Dean replied.

"Dean why are you as adamant about not having more children." Doctor Heese asked. He wanted to get Dean to admit that he still had a uterus and that having a uterus did not make him any less of a person.

"This… I want though 30 weeks of my pregnancy waiting for my dad to come at me with a shotgun. I had to hide that I was preganant because it was not a normal thing for a man to be preganant. I spent 30 weeks not having any real chance to enjoy being preganant. The ability to have children is not a gift. It is not something I should be grateful for and it is not something to see in a positive light." Dean said.

"You… Doctor Heese began.

"Doctor Heese I am not going to change my mind or say something I don't really mean to satisfy you. I want to see my son now." Dean said

Doctor Heese did not answer Dean he just tuned the wheelchair around, wheeled Dean out of the room and began the short walk to the NICU.

* * *

It had been three days since the phone call from bobby and all he could do was think about Dean.

Dean was pregnant and according to bobby, he was the father. It was something he did not want to believe. It was something he had trouble believing. Bobby had never lied to him. Bobby had always been the one family friend who had told him the truth no matter how hard it may have been to hear. When Bobby had called him selfish it had felt like he was being pushed into doing something against his will and it had also hurt.

He had left for college for abetter path in life. College gave him the chance to have a life he had dreamed of as a kid. A life that was not filled with constant danger. It was not selfish for him to embrace a chance to go to college. It was a purely selfless act.

So why did he feel guilty. Why after two days had the guilt began to creep in. In his dreams, he had seen Dean lying n the hospital bed so broken and alone but it had just been a dream. It was dream that had left him with lingering doubts concerning Dean. What if Dean really was pregnant? What if he was making the biggest mistake of his life by not going to visit Dean?

Two days after Bobby had called and barely a few hours after the dream he had told Jessica about Dean. He made no mention of what was wrong with Dean. He just told Jessica that Dean had been involved in a serious car accident ad an uncle had called him and asked him to help Dean. Jessica was adamant that he go and help Dean.

He did not agree.

He told Jessica that Dean did not need his help as he already had the help of a family friend. Jessica had told him that a family friend was not the same as having the help of a brother. She then told him that exams could be taken early in cases of extreme family emergencies, His brother being in a serious car accident and in need of help more than qualified as an emergency.

What Jessica told him made perfect sense. Visiting Dean would be the right thing to do. Despite knowing that it was the right idea to visit Dean, he simply did not want to go. He had a life at college. A life that he had worked so damn hard to achieve. Dean would have to understand that he had built a life that no longer revolved around the family or the hunt.

* * *

In a room next to the NICU Doctor Heese was making sure that both he and Dean were ready to enter the NICU. He wheeled Dean to a washbasin so that dean could wash and sanitize his hands. Once Dean had done that, he did the same. Pulling an ID bracelet out of his pocket he placed it around Deans wrist and said; "This is an ID bracelet that has a number on it that matches the number Alexander has. Although Alexander is the only baby in the NICU, this ID bracelet is also seen as your security bracelet. The Bracelet you have will be checked against the one Alexander has and it is only then that you will be allowed to see Alexander. The NICU also has a monitor on Alexander and the doors are alarmed so that the staff will be notified of Alexander is moved."

"Alexander is the only baby in the NICU so is it necessary for me to have this bracelet." Dean asked.

"Yes." Doctor Heese replied.

Now that Dean had the bracelet on and they had both sanitized and washed there hands he wheeled Dean out of the room and into the NICU. Once inside the NICU he wheeled Dean over to Alexander's incubator.

Dean looked at his small but perfectly formed son. Tears began to well up in his eyes. He knew that the many tubes and wires were there to help his son but it was still a shock to see his son like that. He found himself reaching out to touch he incubator but pulled his hand back.

"Alexander is doing better than expected. His lungs are well developed. The only thing that your son has to do is put on a little weight and his lungs need to be a bit stronger." Doctor Heese said.

Keeping his eyes on the beautiful vulnerable figure of his son he asked; "How are you going to explain my presence here to the nurses. A nurse will be expecting a mother to be sitting next to the incubator."

"As Alexander will be the only baby in the NICU for the next few weeks there will be no nurses. Due to the unique nature of your pregnancy it was decided by both Doctor Arbogast and I that we would be taking rotating shifts to care for Alexander." Doctor Heese replied

"It's asking a lot from the pair of you." Dean said. He did not want to be seen as taking advantage of the doctors.

"Dean we are doing this as we both see you and Alexander as part of the family. Doctor Arbogast do not want anyone else involved in the care of baby Alexander." Doctor Heese said.

Despite how serious the situation was Dean could not help but smile. He had people that viewed him and Alexander as family. His own family had just lately left a lot to be desired. "How long will Alexander be in the incubator?"

"Four weeks," Doctor Heese replied

"Alexander was born nearly ten weeks early so why is he only spending four weeks in an incubator." Dean asked.

"As I have already mentioned all Alexander really needs to do is gain some weight and his lungs also need to strength. Alexander was born in good health. Babies who are born ten weeks earlier than expected usually have a number of problems but Alexander has none." Doctor Heese replied.

"Why doesn't Alexander have any problems?" Dean asked. He was grateful that his son had no problems but he could not help but be suspicious. A baby born ten weeks early usually had problems he had read more than enough information to know that Alexander really should not be as healthy as he was.

"Medically I can't answer that question but sometimes babies born early can surprise us." Doctor Heese replied.

Dean looked at his son and he did not want to think it but his son was too healthy. He felt so damn guilty for thinking like that but with the way, his son had some to be it was normal. Taking his eyes away from his son for the first time since arriving at the NICU he said; "It is the curse or some other supernatural shit. I know I should be happy that Alexander is doing so well but part of me can't help but think something bad will happen."

"Dean you should look on the bright side of things Alexander is doing well." Doctor Heese replied

"Yeah the bright side." Dean replied. Alexander was healthier than expected and that was bright spot in his life but he knew that something bad would happen to spoil that.


	27. Chapter 26

**Notes: **This chapter was hard to write. It is the fourth re-write as I was never happy with the completed chapter. I still think the chapter could be better.

**Notes: **As it has been pointed out to me, this fic has its mistakes. I currently have the first 15 chapters at beta reader, but the remaining chapters have no beta reader. I am having trouble finding someone who wants to beta read the remaining chapters of this story, but I will find someone and all of the mistakes will be ironed out. So until then the spell checker on word will have to be enough.

* * *

A week had passed since he had manipulated Bobby into performing the spell.

What you have done is destory your sons. Bobby's words spoken to him in anger a week ago played though his mind on a continuous loop. He had wanted so much to believe that what he had done to his sons was an act of love. He had wanted to believe that what he done wasn't a desperate act of denial. He had wanted to believe so much that he had ignored the small voice in the recesses of his mind telling him that what he was doing was wrong. He had brutally ignored all of his fatherly instincts and just reacted in a way that wasn't him.

He loved both his sons. Before the whole screw up that was the spell, there was nothing he wouldn't have done for his sons. He would have killed anyone who did what he had done to his sons. He had fucked up in so many ways that he couldn't even begin to list it.

Sam his youngest was the son who shared so many of his ways and mannerisms was back at college. Sam had always been the one who knew what buttons to push to get the right response from him. Sam was stubborn to the core of his being and that was something they both shared in spades. They shared far too many qualities. They were both to much alike and argued more than they should. Sam had so much in common with him and as a result, the relationship he had with Sam was not close as it could be.

Dean was the exact opposite.

Dean was so much like Mary. Like Mary Dean had a kind heart and a warm soul. Den shared so many qualities with Mary. Dean always put other people's needs or wants before his own. If you were down to your last dollar or needed something Dean would give it to you even if it meant he went without. Dean very rarely put himself first. Dean was so very much like Mary that in the last few years after Mary's death it had been a comfort to have Dean with him. A comfort but at the same time a heartache. Being with Dean day after day and watching him grow into a man Mary would be proud of was sometimes to much of a reminder of what he had lost. Everything Dean did had a touch of Mary in it. Could it be that he had always been closer to Dean as it was almost as if he was near his beloved wife again.

What in gods name had he done by manipulating Bobby into doing that spell? How could he have been so foolish? Dean had told him the truth and despite knowing that Dean would never lie to him, he had still turned away from Dean. Even after seeing all of the evidence of Dean's pregnancy, he had still refused to believe. He had continued to sink further into denial. He continued to believe that Dean was lying and that denial had cost him.

He had manipulated Bobby into performing a spell that was never needed.

He had lost the firendhip of his oldest friend. Sam had lost the chance of a life together with Dean and the baby. Dean had lost everything and he had lost both of his sons. He had so damn much that he needed to be forgiven for. The spell couldn't be broken. There wasn't a way he could give Dean and Sam a life they should have.

He had fucked up so very badly. Why had no one told him just how much of an asshole he had been?

* * *

A week had passed since his son had been bought into the world though a caesarean.

A lot had happened in that week. Alexander had gained half a pound and now weighed four pounds. Four pounds was still underweight for a baby, but it was still a good sign that Alexander was gaining weight. It meant that Alexander was making progress. Since his first visit to see Alexander, he had spent most of his time by Alexander's incubator. The only time he had left his sons side was to get something to eat and to grab a few hours of much needed sleep.

His first thought upon waking each morning was for his son. The very first thing he did each morning was to ask both Doctor Arbogast and Heese about the progress his son had made during the night. Each morning the doctors would tell him how his son was doing concerning his weight and vital signs. Now the most painful part of his week long stay at the clinic had arrived. He was deemed well enough to leave the clinic. There was just one painful thing about that, he wasn't leaving with his son. He felt guilty for leaving his son at the clinic but he knew it was for the best.

He had all of his meagre belongings packed into a duffel bag. All that the duffel bag contained was the clothes he had come to the hospital in, a spare set of jogging bottoms, a baby book, a knife blessed by various holy men and some slippers. Slippers were not something he would normally wear but during his stay in the clinic, he had found them invaluable. Glancing around the room that had been his temporary room for the last week he quickly made sure that he had everything.

"Are you ready to leave," Angela asked

Raising his eyebrow slightly Dean replied; "No I feel more than guilty for leaving my son here. I feel empty without Alexander, but I know he is in the best place and receiving around the clock care. It is only by telling that that I am able to leave the clinic."

"Are you sure that allowing Bobby to help you care for Alexander is a wise choice." Angela asked she wanted to be sure that Dean felt safe with Bobby. She didn't want Dean to stay with Bobby because he didn't want to depend on the doctors or her for help.

Placing his duffel bag back on the bed Dean replied; "When Bobby came to see me nearly a week ago I can freely admit that I wanted him dead but that feeling only lasted for a few minutes. Bobby has explained how he came to be involved in the spell that took Sam away from Alexander I believed him. Bobby has done many things in his life mad not all of them are good but he was never lied to me. Bobby has always has always been the one person I can trust to tell me the truth even if it isn't what I want to hear."

"Is staying with Bobby the safer option." Angela asked. She wanted to be sure that Dean and Alexander would be protected from the supernatural world that she still knew so little about.

With a rare smile Dean replied; "Bobby's place has protections and charms built into the walls of his home. He has protective charms and spells written on every surface of his home. Bobby's house is the safest place to be. It is the only safe place when it concerns the health and well being of my son."

"There is no chance that any of those protections or will fail." Angela asked

"No chance at all." Dean confidently said.

"Does Bobby even have a room ready for Alexander?" Angela asked

"Bobby has been getting a room ready for Alexander but he hasn't made any of the big decisions. He mentioned that he had painted the room blue but that is it. We will be getting the room ready together as it is a way for me to keep my mind busy when I'm not at the clinic." Dean said

"I want you to be sure that staying with Bobby is the place you want to be. Bobby is the one who did this spell. Are you absolutely certain that you can trust him?" Angela asked. She wanted to be sure that Dean was making the right decision.

"Angela I know you and both of the doctors have offered to help me with Alexander once I am able to bring him home but I need to do this my way. I have to raise my son without your support," Dean explained

With a slight smile Angela replied; "I know that you want to raise Alexander in your own way and I would never question your right to do that. I just don't want you to leave this clinic under the mistaken belief that you have to do all of this on your own. Before you even mention Bobby, are you sure that raising Alexander in the same house as him is a wise thing to do."

"Bobby is a good influence for my son. His home is the safest place for my son to be and with the life I lead, that is a good thing. When it concerns my sons safety Bobby is a wise choice. I don't have the option of living in a normal apartment. There will always be a long list of supernatural crap that wants to kill me or anyone called Winchester." Dean said.

"How long do you plan on staying with Bobby? Have you planned any of this out past the next few months?" Angela asked. She knew that she was being hard on Dean but she only had his best interests at heart. She had to be sure that Dean was doing was doing the right thing because he wanted to. She didn't want him to make any rash decisions.

"Alexander was born ten weeks early and you know from those lists that we did together that I had nothing planned. The only that I knew for sure was that my son would not be raised in motels. I knew that the moment I had decided to keep Alexander that I wanted him to have a normalish life. So I haven't really planned anything past the next week I didn't realize I had to give you a detailed plan." Dean snapped. He wasn't really in the mood to be nice to Angela he had too much on his mind.

She knew that when Dean was nice and then snappy in just a few short minutes it really wasn't his fault. Both she and the doctors had been keeping a close eye on Dean in case he developed any of the signs and symptoms of postnatal depression. The only real sign was Dean's mood swings. Considering the amount of hormones racing around his body Deans, mood swings were perfectly normal; "Dean, honey I only have your best interests at heart. From what you have told me about Bobby's home, it does seem like the safest place to raise Alexander. When will Bobby be here to pick you up?"

"Another hour. It gives me a little more time to spend with Alexander." Dean said

"Have you given any more thought to contacting Sam?" Angela asked.

"A week ago after Sam disappeared and Alexander had yet to be born Sam was the person I wanted to see above anyone else. Sam was the one person I wanted by my side. It's a week later and I still want Sam but I don't have that desperate need for him anymore. Sam deserves the whole college thing and I am not going to disrupt his life with Alexander." Dean said

"Sam deserves to know about his son. It won't be long before he finds out." Angela said

"He doesn't remember any of this and I am not going to tell him. I do know this will catch up with me and Sam will be pissed when he does remember but I will deal with that when it happens." Dean said. He knew that in his line of work his temporary or permanent death would come sooner rather than later.

"I can only hope you will be ready for that day." Angela said

"Picking up his duffel bag of the bed Dean began to walk out of the room safe in the knowledge that Angela would follow him. When they both came to a stop outside the NICU Dean said; "I want to say thank you. Without the help of you or the doctors, I wouldn't have made it past the last few months. I know you have bought a lot of gear for Alexander and I will pay you back once I can get to a bank."

"I have discussed it with my husband and we both came to the decision that the gear I bought for Alexander is to be considered a gift." Angela said

"I can't …

"Dean my husband will tell you it is never a good idea to argue with me. Shopping for Alexander was fun. All that I ask from you in return is that both you and Alexander are frequent visitors. Alexander is going to be a little heartbreaker when he grows up and we all want to be there to witness that. I want loads of photographs sent to me and Doctor Heese." Angela said.

With a bright smile Dean replied; "Alexander officially has his first aunts and uncles. Thank you Angela."

* * *

He was a feared and well-known hunter.

There were countless people he could put the fear of god into just by having his named uttered. He was both a feared and respected in the supernatural world. So why was it so hard for him to Bobby's home?

It had taken him an hour to drive to Bobby's and during that hour, his only thought had been for his sons. Now he was stood outside Bobby's front door mentally preparing himself for the argument that was to come. Just as he was, about to knock on the front door Bobby pulled the front door open and he appeared to be in a hurry.

"John." Bobby said. John Winchester was the very last person he wanted to deal with.

"Bobby shit I'm sorry I know what an asshole I have been. I need your help in gaining Deans forgiveness. I need a second chance with both of my sons." John explained

"I am not the one you should be apologizing to. You should be getting down on your knees and crawling across sharp broken glass to gain Deans forgiveness. You ain't going to get a damn thing from Sam he doesn't remember jack shit, that was a big part of the spell you manipulated me into performing. You will be lucky if Dean doesn't shot your ass on sight for the shit you have done." Bobby snapped.

"Where are going Bobby." John asked.

"Dean is being released from the clinic today and I am going to get him. Dean is staying with me for a few weeks and so will Alexander once he is healthy enough to be released from the clinic." Bobby said.

"Alexander." John asked

"Your grandson." Bobby relied.


	28. Chapter 27

**Notes: **This chapter is later than I would have liked, but my sister came to stay for a few days and she has a very strong dislike of slash and all kinds of fanfic. That put me of writing anything for a few days.

**Notes: **I now have a beta reader for chapters 16-26 so chapters will be replaced as soon as I receive them back from my beta reader.

**Notes: ** everything in italics is part of a dream

* * *

"What is bothering you?" Dean asked. Since leaving the clinic, they had only made idle conversation. Conversation that been about everything but his dad or Sam. It could just mean that Bobby didn't feel like talking about his dad or Sam for obvious reasons. It could be that Bobby was hiding something from him.

"Nothing is bothering me Dean." Bobby replied even though the only thing that had been on his mind since leaving the clinic with Dean was John. He had left John at his house and he knew that John would still be there when he got back.

"Bobby I'm not in the mood to be lied to." Dean said

Gripping the wheel in what was a small nervous gesture Bobby replied; "John paid me a visit asking for my help again. He wants my help in gaining your forgiveness. He wants a second chance with his sons. I told John that he would have to crawl over broken glass to get your forgiveness. John knows that I am picking you up from the clinic and he knows Alexander has been born."

"You're just telling me this now. Shit, Bobby your house is only another ten-minute drive away. You could have given me a little more warning." Dean grumbled.

"Consider this fair warning. I know your dad has fucked up, but try not to kill him and listen to what he has to say."

* * *

"_You left me Sammy. You promised me that you wouldn't leave."_

"_Dean I would never leave you but college was what I had worked so hard for." Sam said. He couldn't remember how Dean had managed to get into his apartment without his knowledge and he wasn't about to ask why. Dean was here and that was enough. It was enough for him even though Dean was pissing him of._

"_You left me Sam. How could you break a promise?"_

_He didn't like the pleading and accusation Dean was making with the same breath. What right did Dean have to take such a stance against him? He had a right to be in college. He had every right to have a life that wasn't solely based on the supernatural._

"_I didn't promise to stay. It was college Dean and I made no plans to stay with you or dad."_

"_You left."_

_Looking down at the carpeted floor beneath his feet Sam tired to keep his temper in check. Dean couldn't know that the whole lets repeat my words and not start a proper conversation was bugging the shit out of him. Taking a breath, he looked up at Dean again only to find he wasn't there. Well this was more than annoying. First Dean gets into his apartment without his noticing and then he leaves without making a sound._

"_Dean is right you left him."_

"_Angela." Sam said even as he spoke the name he realized that he had no idea who Angela was and how he knew her name._

"_I never thought you could lie so easily and I'm disappointed Sam. You left Dean when he needed you the most."_

_Sam looked at Angela and for a brief moment, he knew her. Everything that she had done for dean came flooding back though his mind. Then just as quickly as that knowledge disappeared. He was about to ask Angela a question when he heard Jessica calling his name. He tried to ignore Jessica and focus on Angela. He had to find out why Angela was so disappointed in him._

"_Sam."_

_He wanted to ignore Jessica but he found it impossible task to do. It was almost as if something or someone was pulling him. He opened his mouth to ask Angela on final question but found himself staring into he concerned face of Jessica._

With a smile Jessica brushed an errant strand of hair out of Sams eyes and said; "You were talking in your sleep again. You mentioned someone called Angela. Is there something I should know?"

Turning slightly in bed so he could face Jessica he said; "I had this dream about Dean and all he kept saying was that I had left him. The strange things are that this Angela is a person I have never met. How can I be dreaming about a person I don't know and I have never met?"

"Honey it could be your sub-conscious mind telling you to go to Dean." Jessica suggested.

"I can't go to Dean. I can't leave college." Sam insisted. A part of him wanted to see Dean but a bigger part of him just didn't want to know. It was almost as if that small part of him was what he really wanted but that bigger part of him was stamping over what he really wanted.

"Sam I know you want to stay at college but this is your brother. If you choose to ignore that dream you will regret it."

* * *

As he stepped inside Bobby's house, the very first thing he did was to check for any weapons that were within easy reach. All of his weapons were still in the trunk of his impala and that was still in the parking lot of the clinic. He paid no attention to his dad until he knew where each weapon was located.

"Dean now that you know where the weapons are sit down. Doctors Arbogast and Heese told me that you would get tried easily. I don't feel like picking you up of the floor because you were too stubborn to relax." Bobby said. He knew that it wasn't easy for Dean to be in the same room as his father but that was just tough. They couldn't afford to drag this out over a spell that should never have been done. It didn't mean that he expected Dean to go easy on his dad. Not it was the exact opposite. He wanted Dean to give his dad hell and make him beg for forgiveness.

Dean made sure he sat down on a chair that was closest to the door and not so near his dad. He wasn't ready to sit next to his dad as if the last few days had not happened. Glancing at Bobby, he could see that Bobby was in the kitchen keeping busy with something. He knew that it was Bobby's way of giving him some privacy to talk to his dad. He had a thousand and one questions he wanted answers to from his dad but he started out with the most simple and complicated. "Why."

"At the time I thought I was doing the right thing by my sons." John replied

"That is the only reason you have to give me. You took Sam away from me. You have made the last few weeks of my life hard and that is the only reason you give me." Dean asked.

"It's the truth. What more do you want me to tell you." John asked.

"Just once I want you to tell me the truth and not some half assed lie. I don't for one moment think you were doing the right thing. As usual, you were thinking of how my pregnancy would affect you. Your being here is only because of guilt. You want me to accept you were doing the right thing but that's not going to happen. You took away too much from me for that to happen." Dean said. After spending just a few hours with his son, today he was in no mood to have a long drawn out conversation with his dad.

"You were claiming to be pregnant and Sam insisted he was the father. Did you expect me to be all smiles?" John asked.

"You're my dad all I wanted from you was acceptance and support. I didn't expect you to be happy. I never asked for that. All I wanted was a father I could depend on." Dean admitted.

"You can depend on me I'm here for you Dean." John said. He wanted to be included in his grandson's life. He did not want to be excluded from his grandson's life because a mistake he couldn't fix.

Snorting in disbelief Dean said; "How long will that last. I know what you're like dad. The hunt means more to you than family. You will only be there for as long as it suits you."

"I want to be a part of my grandson's life." John said.

"How long will that sentiment last dad. Alexander was born ten weeks early and his in an incubator. He won't be out of that incubator for another three weeks at most. I can't see you hanging around for those three weeks. After two days, you will be looking for the next hunt. You will not stay here for three weeks and to be honest I don't trust you enough to let you anywhere near my son."

"Bobby performed the spell and you trust him to be with Alexander. Bobby has done far worse to you than I have." John said.

"Do you even know that you sound like a bratty kid who wants to be the centre of attention? I trust Bobby because he made the effort to explain everything to me. Bobby was even willing to accept blame for the spell even though it wasn't his fault. The only thing that you have done is refuse to acknowledge that the spell was down to you. All you have been willing to do is tell me it was the right thing to do. I want to hear you say that what you did was wrong." Dean said.

"I will not admit to doing anything wrong. I'll admit that there are other ways I could have done what I did but at the time it was the right thing to do." John said. He knew that by being stubborn in his refusal to admit that the spell was wrong he was destroying any chance he had with Dean or his grandson.

Running a hand though his hair that was in desperate need of a haircut he said; "You regret your actions. I'll even bet that you feel sorry for separating Sam and me. You most probably had some kind of revelation about just how much of an asshole you have been. You may even want to give Sam and me the life we deserve but your not here for Alexander or me. You are here because you feel guilty. You know you have fucked up in a huge way."

"Dean be reasonable. It took a lot for me to come here and admit that I was wrong about your pregnancy. I can freely accept that I now have a grandson." John said he wasn't going to admit that much of what Dean had just told him was the truth.

Dean looked at his dad and knew that he was finally getting to the real reason his dad had made the journey to Bobby's. Taking a sip of the hot chocolate Bobby had placed on the small table next moments and wishing it was an ice-cold beer he said. "Are you here for me or the chance to train the next generation of the Winchesters?"

"The though never crossed my mind." John replied even though tit wasn't the exact truth. Now that he had accepted that Dean had been pregnant and he had a grandson the possibilities were endless. The hunt for the demon would not have to end with his death. With a grandson, he could be safe in the knowledge that the hunt would never end.

"Bullshit I will not let you use my son as just another weapon in the hunt. My son will have a normal childhood." Dean said. He was determined to give is son a childhood that he had never had. He wanted his son to know what it was like to stay in one place for longer than two months.

"How are you going to achieve that type of life? The hunt is all you know." John said

"It doesn't concern you how I choose to raise my son. It's none of your damn business. I may know more about hunting supernatural shit more than the average person, but I have skills in other areas. I'm great with cars and anything mechanical. I can drive trucks and there are always jobs available in those areas." Dean said.

"You may be able to get a job but have you given any real thought to the demon we are hunting. How are you going to escape the demon son?" John questioned.

"I'll manage." Dean replied

"Just managing isn't going to be enough. The demon will already know about Alexander. How do you think you are going to protect Alexander without my help?" John asked.

With a tone of barely disguised anger, Dean replied. "I got though the last eight and a half months without your help. I don't need the kind of help that you have to offer."

"How long do you plan on staying with Bobby?" John asked. He wanted Dean to realize that without his help he had no real chance of succeeding when it came to raising Alexander.

"A few months." Dean replied. He wasn't going to tell his dad that he was dropping out of the hunting game altogether.

"What happens after those few months Dean? A child needs to have some stability and with these flimsy, poorly made plans you have made for the first few months of Alexander's life I will be surprised if he makes it to his first birthday." John said.

Remembering his promise to Bobby not kill his dad and listen to what his dad had to say he said; "Don't you dare try and tell me child need stability. You went on hunts when I was six years old and left me to care for Sam. All I ever got from you was an order not to answer the door to anyone. I was a six year old and you expected me to be Sam's caregiver instead of his brother. I spent my childhood Being Sams dad because you were always to busy hunting. Not once did you tell me that I had done a great job with Sam. Don't' sit there and judge me on how I choose to raise Alexander because you are not the greatest example of how to be a dad."

Quickly getting up out of his seat John looked at Dean and tried to tell him that none of what he had just said held a grain of truth in it. He may have had his faults and made mistakes when it came to the upbringing of his sons but he had always done his best. He wasn't going to let his eldest son cast doubts on his abilities as a father. In a calm voice, he replied; "I did my best and despite what you believe I succeeded. I raised two sons without anyone's help. I didn't complain once. I did a good job. You don't have the right to question my abilities as a parent."

Getting up from the chair and regretting the fact he was weapon less he said; "You had help from Missouri, Caleb. Pastor Jim, Bobby and countless others. When they unavailable you had me. As soon as I was old, enough to be trusted with kitchen appliances and able to string an intelligent sentence together you left me alone with Sam."

"Dean you were old enough to be trusted to look after Sam while I chased down leads on the demon that killed your mom and my wife. It did you no harm to look after Sam. It made you the man you are today. Did you expect me to be there very minute of your childhood?" John asked.

"No I learned to have low expectations when it came to you as a father. The person I am has fuck all to do with how you choose to raise me. Hell with your influence it's a surprise I'm not some homicidal killer. I don't need your help with Alexander. I don't need your advice on how I should choose to raise Alexander. I don't want you to here because you need my forgiveness for something. You need me too tell you that what you have done is the right thing. I'm not going to do that." Dean said

"Dean I want to be involved in my grandson's life. You can't deny me that right." John said. After everything, that he had gone though to get to Bobby's house to talk to Dean he wasn't going to be denied the chance to know his own grandson.

"You don't deserve a damn thing when it concerns my son." Dean said

"I have legal rights. You can't deny me access to my grandson." John said

Silently telling himself that he couldn't kill his dad because of the promise he had made to Bobby he tried to remain calm. Now that his dad knew that forgiveness wouldn't be given and he didn't have any right to say how Alexander would be raised his dad was going on the defensive. He knew that his dad was going to act as if he had tried everything to reconcile with his son only to be refused. His dad would try to act as if he was a victim well screw that. He wasn't going to let that happen. With a smile that held no emotion he said; "You have no rights dad. When it comes to my son, I will always choose to do the best for him and you are not it. You only see Alexander as another generation for the hunt. I don't want you anywhere near my son. If you make any attempt to visit Alexander at the clinic you will be arrested on a charge of attempted kidnapping."

"You can't do that." John said

Eyeing his dad with a barely disguised disgust he said; "I can."

"Doesn't Sam have a say in any of this. He is after all the father." John said.

Unable to stop the derisive snort Dean stepped closer to his dad and with a voice strangely void of any emotion, he said; "There is this spell that you manipulated Bobby into performing and Sammy doesn't remember being the father of my son because of that spell. Thanks to you pleaded with Bobby to do, there is no chance he will ever remember Alexander or what we had together. I can't forgive you for that. You took away my chance of happiness and I will always hate you for that. I have done what Bobby asked and listened to what you had to say. This conversation is over."

"Dean please…

"I think it would be a good idea for you to leave before I break my other promise to Bobby." Dean said

"What Promise." John prompted

"Not to kill you."

* * *

After talking to Jessica about his dream, he concluded that he had to see Dean even if it wasn't what he really wanted to do. With Jessica's help, he had arranged to take his exams early. Once ha had taken those exams he was going to find Dean. He knew that if he choose to ignore the dream it would come back to bite him on the ass.

He knew that the first stop to finding Dean was phoning Bobby.

Bobby had called him a few days ago asking for his help with Dean. Bobby had then told him that Dean was pregnant and he was the father. It was something that he had steadfastly refused to believe for many reasons. One reason being that as far, as he knew men couldn't get pregnant. Another reason being that he had never touched his brother in a sexual manner. Hell the thought of having sex with Dean made his skin crawl.

Then Bobby had told him about a spell. A spell that had apparently taken away all of his knowledge about Deans pregnancy ad the way he really felt about Dean. The spell according to Bobby had taken away all memories of the time he had spent with a heavily pregnant Dean.

Bobby had told him that the spell had a get clause. According to Bobby Dean would have to die so he could regain his memories of a life he didn't want. He was so set on college and a normal life when Bobby had told him all of this information that had ignored Bobby's heartfelt pleas.

Maybe that was the reason he had such a weird ass dream.

A dream in which he spoken to a woman called Angela. A person he didn't know and had yet to meet.

* * *

Nearly day had passed since his conversation with his dad and during that day he had managed to get some much needed sleep, phone the clinic and ask about his son. He had also made a painful decision about his future with Alexander. As much as he didn't want to admit it, his dad had been right. He couldn't stay with Bobby for the rest of Alexander's life. He couldn't outrun the demon that had taken so much from him. He knew that if he stayed with Bobby his dad would take over and he couldn't let that happen. He had so very few choices about what he could do.

He could carry on with his plan to stay with Bobby for the first few months of Alexander's life. He could take the easy path and stay with Bobby for the next few years but with Bobby, he would become too settled. He knew that to have a safe normal life with his son he would have to leave his friends and family behind.

If he was to be sure that, the demon who had taken so much from wouldn't be able to find hi or his son he would have to go underground. He would have to cut of all contact with his friends and family but it would be for the best. It would mean that his son would be safe.


	29. Chapter 28

**Notes: **This chapter is later than I would have liked but that is because I have spent the last two weeks moving house. I have also been without an internet connection for three weeks.

**Notes: **A few of swear words

* * *

The doctors had told him that one of the things he should not do after having his caesarean was to drive. When he had why it would be painful and uncomfortable, the doctors had told him that it would be both painful and put unnecessary stress on him. Doctor Heese had been the one to tell him that it would invalidate his car insurance. That had caused him to laugh. What car insurance company was ever going to believe that he had a caesarean?

Although it was the very last thing he should have done, he had driven to a bar that was forty miles away from the clinic. A bar was occupied with college people. The bar was occupied with the same people whop had a life that Sam aspired to.

"He left me." Dean said

In front of him was a bottle of beer that he had yet to touch. Around him were the college people talking about exams and the next party they were going to. These people didn't have to worry about a yellow-eyed demon that was going to take away everything from them. These people didn't have to worry about a premature son and how they would raise him. Those people were completely ignorant of the supernatural. The only horrors they had ever witnessed came from the movies and television. They only worries they had were for exams and the next party. To these college people this bar was just a part of there social life. For him it was a chance to relax. It was a chance to just forget the stress and pressures of the last few days.

"He left because of some spell and I want him back."

No one in the bar really gave a damn what he was talking about. To them he was just an out of place stranger who had o right to be in what was obviously a college hangout. He knew from the various looks and whispers that the people who viewed him as someone who was beneath them. Someone they wouldn't bother pissing on if they were on fire. No one in the bar knew he was a feared hunter with years of experience. They didn't know he had seen horrors that far suppressed there worse nightmares. They didn't know he could go from relaxed to deadly in mere seconds.

"He made all these promises to stay with me. We had these … plans." Dean said

The man sat next to him reminded him of Sam continued to ignore him and continued on drinking.

"He couldn't make it a few days into our relationship." Dean muttered.

The person who looked like Sam continued to drink and ignore him.

It didn't matter that he wasn't telling the truth but a twisted version of it. He was tried of pretending that he was okay. He was tried of pretending that he was full of confidence when it came to raising his son. He was tired of showing his emotions he didn't have when all he felt was dead inside. He knew that some of what he was feeling could be put down to baby blues but that didn't help is mood.

"He left and I can't manage without him." Dean said. It was painful for him to admit to something like that but it felt good. It lifted a weight of his shoulders telling a complete stranger who had no connection to him or the supernatural how he was feeling.

"Who left?" The barman asked. He had listened to the man for the last twenty minutes and not uttered a single word in response. At first, he had not been very interested in anything the man had to say. As the minutes had passed, there was something about the man that had pulled him in. Despite his repeated vows to never get involved with any of the bars patrons he had finally spoken.

When the barman spoke to him, his whole demeanour changed. His eyes took on the look of the experienced hunter that he was. With a voice that spoke of troubles and hardships beyond most people's comprehension, he said. "Sam."

"Who is Sam?" The barman asked.

"He used to be my partner. Now his no one." Dean replied. As cold as it may appear to the barman it was the truth. He loved Sam more than he was willing to admit and that was always going to be something that never changed.

* * *

Two weeks had past since the dream and a lot had happened to him in those two weeks.

He had taken his exams and he was quietly confident that he would be successful in those exams. He knew without a doubt that he would not be doing any retakes. After taking his exams, he had arranged to take a couple of months of college. Due to his exceptionally good grades, his good attendance record, good attitude and his unique family situation, he was given the option of continuing his college course online. As he had been unable to make such an important decision in just a few days, he had given him his two months away from college to decide. Two months to decide if he could take his college course online and give up the college lifestyle he had come to like.

After taking his exams and at the beginning of those two months he bought himself a car. A car that was barely road worthy but it was enough to get him to where he needed to go. Once he had sorted out his transport for the next two months, he had said goodbye to what friends he had made. He said goodbye to Jessica. Jessica had just kissed him on his cheek and wished him luck. That had surprised him, as it was as if Jessica was letting him go and not expecting him to come back to college or her.

Two days after Jessica had kissed him on the cheek he was at Bobby's house.

Bobby had been the one who had phoned asking him for help with Dean. In one of the moments that he was now ashamed of, he had told Bobby that Dean wasn't his problem. He had put college before Dean. At the time, his decision had been the right but now he wasn't so sure. Had he just refused to help Dean out of sheer stubbornness?

Standing outside Bobby's house, he briefly thought about just walking but what was he going to achieve with that. That dream was something he couldn't ignore. Jessica was right in that he would live to regret it if he choose to ignore his dream. With a confidence, he barely felt he knocked on the door.

Just seconds later, the door opened and he was faced with a surprised Bobby.

"Sam what brings you here?" Bobby asked. Grateful that John had not come back in the two weeks that had passed since his conversation with Dean. He was surprised to see Sam as Sam had made it very clear to him that helping Dean was the last thing he wanted to.

"It's about Dean." Sam said. He wasn't going to have an in depth conversation with Bobby about Dean on the doorstep.

Opening the door so that Sam could enter he said; "Get in, grab a seat and start talking."

Sam quickly walked into the house, found a seat and sat down. All around him, he could see signs that this house had many protections from the supernatural. He could also see a baby's crib that was half way finished and a pile of baby clothes.

"Talk." Bobby ordered. He was in mood to make polite conversation with Sam.

Running a hand though his hair Sam knew that what he had to say was going to be weird. How could he tell Bobby that the main thing that had bought him here was a dream? The only way was for him to be blunt. He calmly said; "I had this dream. In the dream Dean kept telling me I left him and I broke a promise to him. Then I look away from Dean for just a few short seconds and a woman ahs taken his place. I called this woman Angela and I had no idea who she is. How can I dream about a woman I don't know?"

"You know about the spell," Bobby asked

"Yeah you mentioned it had a get out clause." Sam impatiently replied

"Sam… I don't know how to tell you this but you have visions." Bobby said. The last thing he had wanted to do was reminded Sam that he had visions. There had been a very significant part of him that had hoped the spell would take away Sam's visions or at the very least suppress them. From what Sam had told, him this dream was a vision of some kind. It would appear that there was another get out clause to the spell, Sam visions.

"I don't have visions. All I have is these weird ass dreams," Sam said. He was not going to admit to something that was going to make his life harder than it already was.

"Sam you have visions that allow you to see both the future and the past," Bobby said.

"I can't have visions it's just not possible." Sam said

"Can you explain to me how you had a dream that included a woman you don't know? Tell me why you called her Angela when according to you; you don't know a person called Angela." Bobby asked. He knew that convincing Sam that his visions were in fact real would be hard but it was for the best. With Sam's visions once more in existence, they could be used to get around the spell he had so foolishly done for John.

"Coincidence," Sam suggested.

"You know in our line of work coincidences just don't happen. Coincidences are just used by those ignorant of the supernatural to explain things away. You have visions Sam and you need to accept that," Bobby said.

"Why would I have a vision about a woman called Angela and Dean?" Sam asked. He still didn't want to believe that he had visions but how else could he explain away such a realistic dream. A dream that he still remembered day's later.

"The spell took away your memory of Dean, the pregnancy and Alexander. You don't remember the love you felt for Dean. You remember nothing but a hatred for Dean you can't really explain. These visions are giving you back all that was taken by the spell. It's a shame that there isn't a way we can find to trigger those visions. Dean needs support especially after the incident with John." Bobby said. He knew that the one sure way to trigger a vision in Sam was to start with something familiar. He had the Polaroid picture of Alexander but that would be the very last thing he would use to trigger a vision in Sam. The first thing he would use is Dean's argument with John.

"What argument." Sam asked

"When I picked Dean up from the clinic after he had spent five days resting from his caesarean John was waiting for us at my house. I only told Dean about John when we were just a ten minute drive away from my house. It took me an hour to tell Dean about John as I knew didn't care too much for your dad." Bobby said

"That doesn't sound like Dean." Sam said.

"Dean holds John responsible for the spell that took you from him and Alexander. I just about managed to get a promise from Dean not to kill John. If I had been anyone else he would have broken that promise." Bobby said.

"Dean wouldn't hurt our dad. He has always been the one to follow dad's orders. He never once questioned him if those orders were wrong." Sam said. He wasn't ready to believe that Dean could hold so much anger towards there dad.

"At the moment John is his least favourite person. After what I overheard them, talking about I really can't blame Dean. Until that conversation I never realised just how obsessed with the hunt your dad had become." Bobby said.

"How can you over hear an entire conversation between Dean our dad." Sam asked

"I was in the kitchen barely ten feet away from them and I have good hearing. Short of wearing ear muffs there wasn't a whole lot I could do to avoid hearing that conversation." Bobby explained. He had listened to the conversation Dean had with his father just to make sure that Dean wouldn't hurt his dad. He knew what John could be like when he believed he was in the right.

"You could have gone outside" Sam said.

"It's my house." Bobby replied.

"Tell me more about this conversation Dean had with dad," Sam asked idly rubbing his temple in an effort to ease the pain of a headache that he could feel forming.

"It began with John telling Dean that what he had done by asking me to perform the spell was the right decision to make. Dean refused to accept that even when your dad said he would support Dean with Alexander. It began to get nasty when Dean told John that he couldn't be trusted. John then demanded to know why Dean trusted me with Alexander when I was the one that had performed the spell." Bobby said noticing for the first time the way in which Sam was rubbing his temple. Taking a breath he asked; "Headache."

"No, so why does Dean trust you with … Alexander." Sam asked pausing very briefly before he mentioned he name Alexander. For some reason Alexander was very familiar to him. It annoyed him no end that he didn't know why.

"I explained the spell to Dean. I told him all about the get out clause and he was adamant that dying to get you back was the very last thing he wanted. Even when I tried to convince him that life as a single parent would be hard he refused to change his mind." Bobby said

"What else did Dean and dad argue about." Sam asked

"Dean wanted John to admit that what he had done was wrong. John being John refused to do that. Dean accused John of only making the effort to see him out of guilt. When John mentioned Alexander as his grandson Deans whole demeanour became a lot more defensive. He asked John if he viewed Alexander as the next generation of Winchester hunters." Bobby said.

"I can't believe that dad would do that." Sam said. His early reservations about wanting no part of whatever problem Dean had with there dad was gone. With each assign moment he spent with Bobby, he became more and more concerned about Dean.

"It gets worse." Bobby said

"What else did he do?" Sam asked. The headache that had only begun just a few minutes ago was now a full-blown headache. It a small army was trying to dig its way out of his head from the inside. When he felt something wet on the tip of his lip, he assumed it was just a simple runny nose. Reaching up with his hand to wipe his nose he was surprised when he looked at his hand and found it covered in blood. When Bobby gave him a towel, he gratefully accepted it and held it up to his nose until it stopped bleeding. Out of pure habit, he kept the towel so he could burn it later. He was about to speak to Bobby again when a series of what he instinctively knew to be memories flashed though his mind.

Having the same dream for six nights running.

Taking two weeks of college. Tracking down Dean and finally meeting him at a motel. At the same motel room, he sat on a bed next to Dean and touched a bump. A bump that was a pregnancy bump. He had even felt the baby move. A baby that Dean had told him was his.

Conversations he had with Dean as he desperately tired to convince Dean he wouldn't leave.

Deciding on a name for there unborn son.

Then he left Dean because of a demon that had a hard on for the Winchester family. That demon took away his knowledge of Dean and there son. Regaining those memories during a phone call from Angela. A conversation with the doctors. There dad's reaction to Dean's pregnancy.

The heartbreaking pain of witnessing Dean in premature labor and the complete helplessness that came with it. Staying by Dean's side as they waited for news of a possible caesarean time.

Then pain.

Pain and anger. Anger he felt towards Bobby.

Then as quick as those memories had appeared they were gone, but not forgotten.

With a barely controlled anger and tears that were threatening to fall from his red-rimmed eyes, he looked at Bobby and asked; "Tell me why I shouldn't kill you."

"It would achieve nothing." Bobby said.

"You performed a spell that took me away from Dean and our son. I was hours away from witnessing Alexander's birth and you took that from me." Sam said. Unlike Dean, he wasn't in the forgiving when it came to Bobby's part in the spell.

"John had me convinced that you were both in trouble and he needed my help to get you both out of that trouble. John told me that Dean was carrying a parasite and having nor reason to disbelieve him I told John about a spell that could help. News of that spell made John happy, but he kept asking me if doing the spell would be the right thing to do for his sons. I told John that he was doing the best by his sons and the spell could only help. I had no idea that he was feeding me a line of bullshit to get what he wanted. When I performed that spell, I received some of your emotions. I felt the anger you had towards me as the spell took you from Dean." Bobby said.

"That is meant to wipe out all of that has happened in the last few weeks. You took Dean and my son from me. You should have known that our dad was lying to you." Sam said.

"How could I tell if John was lying?" Bobby demanded

"Fucking good sense. Do you even know just how much you have put me though? I missed out on so much with my son and Dean. I left Dean for a second time do you any idea how damn hard it will be to go back. It took everything I had in me to get Dean to trust me. Even after that, he still didn't completely trust me. Before that damn spell, we were both working towards getting the trust back into our relationship. I'll be lucky if Dean can even bare to look at me." Sam snapped.

"Now that you have those memories back I can help you with Dean." Bobby said. He had wanted to tell Sam that the spell should have been foolproof and this was a conversation that shouldn't be happening. He thought better of opening his mouth and saying something that would only aggravate the whole situation.

"Do you seriously think that my remembering the last few weeks will make a blind bit of difference to Dean? I walked away from him. It doesn't matter that I didn't go willing I still left him. I know Dean would have made plans for life as a single parent. How can I go and disrupt that." Sam asked.

He really wanted to hit Sam upside the back of his head just to put some sense back into him. This really wasn't the time for Sam to go soft. Sam needed to go to Dean and face up to whatever was going to happen. Holding back the small amount of annoyance he felt from his voice he said; "Dean has planned to stay with me for the first few months of Alexander's life."

"But," Sam prompted. He really hoped that there was no but to Bobby's words and he was just being paranoid.

"Since the conversation with your dad Dean hasn't been all that talkative. He keeps finding reasons as to why I can't see Alexander. When I mention the room for Alexander, he changes the conversation. Dean is slowly edging me out of his and Alexander's life. Dean is getting ready to run. I know Dean is only waiting until Alexander is well enough to leave the clinic before he runs. I also know that once Dean has left the clinic with Alexander no one will be able to find them," Bobby said. He had known as soon as John had left his house that Dean would not be staying with once Alexander had been deemed healthy enough to leave the clinic he would just disappear

"Why would Dean disappear with Alexander? It makes no sense. By staying with you both Dean and Alexander would be protected." Sam said. He knew that Bobby had many protections built into the walls of his home. Bobby's place was the one place where you could hide from the supernatural.

"John didn't believe that Dean could give Alexander a normal childhood. John told Dean that without his help Alexander would go unprotected. He told Dean that with little he had planned for Alexander's life he would be surprised if Alexander reached his first birthday. Dean reacted by telling John of just how well he raised you both. John didn't like the fact that Dean just wasn't giving in and letting him have his way. He actually told Dean that looking after you as a six year old child made him the man he is today." Bobby said

"That just seems like dad was asking for trouble." Sam replied.

""It gets worse. John mentioned his legal rights when it concerned his grandson." Bobby said

"How did Dean react to that?" Sam asked

"He told John that if he made any attempt to visit Alexander at the clinic he would be arrested ad charged with attempted kidnapping. John didn't believe that Dean would do something like that. Then John mentioned your name and your right to be included in Alexander's life. Do you know that moment when the tension in a room reaches a point hewn you know there is going to be bloodshed. It was downright scary to watch Dean talk to John without a hint of emotion. It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up." Bobby said.

He knew that when Dean felt threatened or someone did something that pissed him of he could be emotionless. What Bobby had told him was on a completely new level. He asked Bobby; "What did Dean say."

"That the spell meant you had no memory of being Alexander's father. Dean told John that the spell meant you would never remember. Dean also told John that it was something he would never be able to forgive him for." Bobby said. He wasn't going to tell Sam that Dean had also told John that he hated him for ruining his only chance at happiness.

"What did Dean say to that?" Sam asked.

"He attempted to continue the conversation that had come to an obvious end." Bobby said

"I need to see Dean. I need to be with Dean again." Sam said. He was now desperate to be reunited with Dean and there newborn son. He needed to tell Dean that he wasn't alone anymore.

* * *

"Dean I have some news concerning Alexander's health." Doctor Heese said. Over the past three weeks, a lot had changed for Alexander health wise. Alexander had surprised everyone by making quick progress concerning his health.

"I could use some good news." Dean replied

"In another three days Alexander will be well enough to leave the NICU and you will be able to take him home," Doctor Heese replied.

"Isn't that too soon. Alexander was born ten weeks early. He can't be ready to be released from the NICU." Dean said. He knew that what Doctor Heese was telling him was good news but it was a surprise. He couldn't quite believe that his son was healthy enough to leave the NICU and the clinic.

He wasn't going to take Dean to task for being so snappy as he knew just how much Dean had been going though. It didn't matter that Alexander had been born with lungs that only needed a little strengthening. It didn't matter that the only reason Alexander had remained in the NICU for three weeks was because of the extra security. The NICU was the one place in the clinic where security was so tight that he was asked for ID whenever he went in. If he had no ID, he wasn't allowed into the NICU. Alexander had been left in the NICU not only for the extra-added security. The NICU was the only place that Alexander would be safe from any unwanted visitors. Taking a breath, he said; "As you already know Alexander's lungs needed to be a little bit stronger. He also needed to gain some weight. At his last weigh in of this morning, Alexander was 5lbs exactly. That is the weight that is deemed well enough for a baby to be released into a parents care. Alexander was also kept longer in the NICU as it was extra security. Given your unique situation both Doctor Arbogast and I both felt that you would approve of having Alexander kept in such a secure location."

"How long was my son kept in NICU for his health?" Dean asked

"For the entire three weeks." Doctor Heese replied even though it wasn't the exact truth. During Alexander's last full week in the NICU, he had not needed any help with his lungs and he was being bottle fed by the NICU staff. Alexander was just in an incubator but he was not attached to any tubes or wires.

"His lungs are okay." Dean asked not daring to believe that something was finally going right for him and Alexander.

"When Alexander cries the only thing that can calm him other than the sound of your voice is Led Zeppelin. Alexander's lungs are fine. You should be happy." Doctor Heese said.

"I am happy. I can't help thinking that this is just the calm before the storm." Dean said. He couldn't shake the feeling that in the next few days he was going to get a surprise and it wouldn't be a welcome one.

"Dean you have been though so much. Good things can and will happen for you and Alexander. You have three days to get that room at Bobby's completed before Alexander goes home with you." Doctor Heese said.

"I won't be staying with Bobby. I have a new place that is just big enough for me and my son." Dean said. The new place he had wasn't new. It was a motel room. The one place that he had never wanted Alexander to be in. He had very little choice until he was able to find an apartment or house.

"Why not. Angela told me that it was the safest place for you and Alexander to live." Doctor Heese said.

"Bobby let my dad into the house. Dad is suddenly all accepting of Alexander and I know it's not because he wants to be a grandpa. He sees Alexander as a tool that can be used in the hunt. If he had his way, my son would be used as bait for the demon. Staying with Bobby would mean that Dad would have access to my son I can't and won't allow that to happen." Dean said.

"Where is the new place?" Doctor Heese asked

"I don't want to say. I can't take the risk tat Bobby or dad will find out." Dean said.

"You can still stay with either me or Doctor Arbogast and his family." Doctor Heese said. He wanted Dean to know that he didn't have to go it alone with Alexander.

"I know. Why is it another three days before I can take my son home?" Dean asked

"Its three days for Alexander to gain a little more weight and for you to get some much needed rest. Take these next three days as the final opportunity, you will have to know what a solid nights sleep is like. Would you like me take Bobby of the list of approved visitors for Alexander?" Doctor Heese asked.

"Yeah, can make sure that my dad or Sam isn't on that list." Dean asked

"Sure, but I thought there was very little chance of Sam ever remembering anything. If he does by some miracle remember all that has occurred in the last few weeks wouldn't you want him here as support." Doctor Heese asked.

Remembering what he had said in the bar about needing Sam and not being able to manage without him he said; "I can't take the chance that something will take him from me or Alexander again. I need to build a life with my son that doesn't include Sam or the hunt."

* * *

Two days after he had first went to see Bobby there were both on there way to the clinic. It had taken them both two days to make the journey to the clinic as they both had a lot to organize. They had both finished the room that would be Alexander's nursery. They had also completed another room that Dean would use. It had been with a smile that Bobby had suggested that the room could be a room that Sam shared with Dean.

When they finally reached the clinic, Bobby parked the truck in a spot that meant the truck would not be seen by anyone at the entrance of the clinic.

Once they were both out of the truck and the truck was secure Bobby turned to Sam and asked; "Have any idea what you are going to say to Dean."

"No idea what so ever." Sam replied. He was terrified that Dean would turn his back on him and not let him see there son. He wanted so desperately to be with Dean and there son that he knew if Dean turned away from him it would break him.

As they walked though the doors of the clinic Bobby led him towards the NICU, still in the fir belief that he had visiting rights for Alexander. Before either of them was able to walk though those doors that led to the NICU, they were stopped by Doctors Arbogast and Heese.

"Bobby, Sam you are not on the list of approved people allowed to see Alexander. Could you please step away from the door and go back to your vehicle," Doctor Heese asked. The last thing Dean needed on the day Alexander was due to be discharged from the clinic was to be confronted with Bobby and Sam.

"I know I'm on that list Dean put me on it," Bobby said

"He also took you of that list as is his right. Now could you both follow me?" Doctor Heese asked

"But…

Holding up his hand to interrupt whatever Sam had been about to say Doctor Heese replied; "If we could continue this conversation in Doctor Arbogast and mines office it would be the best for all concerned."


	30. Chapter 29

**Notes: **The explanation of Sam's visions may not satisfy some people, but it is how I have chosen to explain them. I am also assuming that Sam has had his visions for a few years.

* * *

Staring at the neatly folded clothes on what used to be the clinic bed he had called his own five days he looked at Angela and asked. "Does one baby really need so many clothes?"

Angela couldn't help but smile she knew just how Dean felt. She could still remember the endless rounds of baby clothes that always needed to be washed. It almost seemed that every time she washed something it would need to be replaced as her son had grown so much. With a smile still on her face she said; "When my son was a baby I had so many baby clothes that I very nearly ran out of space. The clothes you have here will be just enough to get you though the next few days. After that you will need to buy some more clothes."

"I have to go shopping." Dean asked with a slightly worried tone of voice. Usually the only thing that he went shopping for was the bare necessities. He knew that there was still a lot of stuff that he had to get for Alexander, but that didn't mean he had to enjoy it.

"Yes you do. What happened to all of the stuff you got a few weeks ago?" Angela asked. She knew that the only things that remained of what she had bought for Alexander and Dean just over three weeks ago was what she could see in front of her. Alex had told her that Dean and Alexander would no longer be staying with Bobby, but not the reason why.

"Doctor Heese told you about Bobby. Those clothes and a few essentials were the only things I could get before left Bobby's house." Dean said.

"Why didn't you take everything with you?" Angela asked

"I left some clothes and other things at Bobby's house so he wouldn't know that I was leaving and not coming back." Dean said

"Isn't Bobby's house the safest place for you and Alexander to be? Why would you leave such a place?" Angela asked. She wanted to know why Dean was so eager to leave Bobby's place when just two weeks ago it was the safest place he could raise Alexander.

"It still is the safest place to be when it concerns the Demon. It's just not the safest place to be when it comes to my dad." Dean said as he began to pack Alexander's clothes into a bag that until a week ago used to have weapons in it.

"What has that man done now?" Angela demanded. Just when Dean had managed to come to a happy arrangement about Alexander's future, John Winchester reared his ugly head. That man was responsible for to much pain and misery for Dean. Many times over the past few weeks, she had come so close to doing something highly illegal but extremely pleasing for her to John Winchester.

"He tried to apologize. He told me that I had no hope of raising Alexander. I accused him of trying to use my son as a weapon in the hunt. I know that if I stay at Bobby's with my son dad will always interfere with how I raise Alexander. I want my son to have a normal childhood. With my dad constantly visiting Bobby there will never be a chance of that happening." Dena said as he finished packing the rest of the baby items into his bag.

"You can still with me and my husband." Angela said

"Doctor Heese made the same offer. Thank you for the offer Angela but I can't stay with either of you. I have to start as I mean to go on." Dean said as he picked up the bag of the bed.

"You can't stay with us for just a few days." Angela asked hoping that Dean would change his mind and say yes. She didn't like the thought of Dean being alone with Alexander and having no help. She had every faith in Dean's abilities ass a parent. She just didn't like the fact that Dean would have no support base of any kind.

"No," Dean replied. He had no more words left to tell Angela that he wouldn't be staying with her family pr that of Doctor Heese's. He just wanted to get to the NICU where his son was ready and waiting for him. He wanted to leave the clinic and put as much space between him and Bobby as humanly possible.

"Let's go and get that beautiful son of yours." Angela said.

* * *

Once everyone had a seat in the office that Doctor Arbogast and Heese shared it was just a matter of waiting for who would choose to speak first. The doctors remained quiet. They had no reason tot rush into a conversation. They were the ones looking for answers. They would be putting the welfare of Dean and Alexander before that of the two people seated before them.

"Why did Dean take me of the visitors list for Alexander?" Bobby asked not quiet demanding an answer but coming so very close to doing so.

"Bobby you should be thankful that Doctor Heese and I are allowing you within thirty foot of Alexander. It has taken Dean the better part of a week to calm down from the conversation with his dad. You allowed John Winchester to get close to Dean. You did not intervene when there conversation evolved into an argument. You put an unnecessary amount of stress on Dean. Dean had a caesarean just over three weeks ago and it takes three months to recover. Dean took the decision to take you of the visitors list for Alexander as you can no longer be trusted." Doctor Arbogast said.

"I can be trusted. I haven't once tried to deny my part in the spell. I would never harm Alxander, so can't I be trusted with him." Bobby asked

"John Winchester is one very big reason. Where you are Bobby, John will always have access to Alexander. That is why you can't be trusted with Alexander." Doctor Heese said.

"Apart from that one day a few weeks ago I have no contact with John. Are you seriously telling me that Dean has taken me of the visitors list for Alexander because of that? Dean and John had to talk to each other eventually. It was not as if I pre-arranged John's visit." Bobby said angry that the trust Dean had in him was so easily broken by John's visit.

"You neglected to tell Dean that John was at your house until it was too late for you to turn round and come back to the clinic. You gave Dean no chance to prepare himself for that meeting with John. Tall me why such a trusted friend would do something like that." Doctor Heese asked

"If I told Dean that John was in my house before we left the clinic together he would never have left the clinic." Bobby said

"You should have given Dean a choice. Sam why are you her." Doctor Heese asked. He knew that it was a very good sign that Sam was back at the clinic. With all that had happened in the last few weeks he was not to sure that Sam's presence in the clinic would be a good thing.

"I want, no that isn't right. I need to see Dean and our son." Sam said. The very last thing he wanted to be doing was talking to the doctors. Dean and there son were in the clinic.

"That won't be possible. Dean has taken you of the visitors list for Alexander." Doctor Heese replied

Taking a breath in an attempt to calm his emotions and to stop the almost automatic angry response he asked; "Why can't I see my own son?"

"Dean knew that there was a small chance you would remember everything that has occurred in the last few months. Dean also knew that there was high chance that something would take you from him and Alexander again. Dean is unwilling to risk going though all of that pain gain. It is for that reason you have been taken of the list." Doctor Heese said

"I'm not going to leave Dean or Alexander. Nothing will part me from them again." Sam said

"Sam I don't doubt your commitment or love for both Dean and Alexander, but that is not enough. You can offer no guarantee that something will not take you from Deana and Alexander again. Can you tell either Doctor Arbogast or I that you will still be here in a few months or even a week." Doctor Heese asked

"I will not be leaving our son or Dean. I love our son and Dean. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing is going to force me to leave them." Sam said

"Dean has told us about a get out clause in this spell that Bobby performed. Dean hasn't died, even for the briefest of seconds. So how is it you remember? The spell has not been broken." Doctor Heese said. He had to understand why it was that Sam had his memories of the last few months back. With all that had occurred in the last few months, he knew that things were never simple when it concerned the Winchesters.

"Visions." Sam said. There really wasn't a lot he could say to the Doctors that would tell them how he came to remember everything. He just wanted to be near Dean and there son.

"Visions." Doctor Arbogast prompted

"I have these visions that show me things that have happened and will happen." Sam quickly explained

"How did this vision happen?" Doctor Arbogast asked. He wanted to be able to understand something that had given Sam his memories back.

"I was having a conversation with…

"Holding up a hand to interrupt what Sam was saying Doctor Heese asked; "How did you come to be having this conversation with Bobby?"

"Bobby called me a couple of weeks ago asking for my help with Dean, but being a stubborn bastard I refused. I told Bobby that Dean wasn't my problem. Then I had a weird dream in which Dean was telling me I had left him and that was all he would say. Angela, she was in the dream as well." Sam said

"She was." Doctor Arbogast said surprise evident in his tone of voice.

With a brief smile, Sam said; "Yeah she was and at the time I had no idea who she was. In my dream, she told me that she was disappointed in me and that Id had left Dean when he needed me the most. It freaked me out to have a dream about a woman I didn't know. Two weeks after having the dream, I took my exams early and managed to get two months of college. The college has even said that it was possible for me to continue my course online and has given me those two months to decide. I made the journey to Bobby's house and knocked on this front door. That is how I came to have a conversation with Bobby."

"The visions," Doctor Heese asked

"While I was talking to Bobby I had this headache that just wouldn't go away and it kept getting steadily worse. We were discussing Dean's conversation with dad and how it became an argument. When Bobby told me, how the argument reached a bad level my nose began to bleed. Bobby gave me a t-shirt to help stop the blood coming from my nose and I accepted it. It wasn't until my nose stopped bleeding that I got these flashes of memory." Sam said

"What type of flashes?" Doctor Heese asked

"Having the same dream six nights in a row. Finding out Dean was pregnant and I was the dad. Convincing Dean that I wouldn't leave him. Losing my memories for the first time and then regaining them. Dean's premature labor. The pain of knowing that I couldn't do anything to stop what was happening. After that all I felt was anger towards Bobby and the almost undeniable urge to make him suffer."

"If you have so much anger towards Bobby why are you sitting next to him as if he has done nothing wrong?" Doctor Arbogast asked

"We talked it over." Sam replied

"You had a conversation with Bobby after finding out he was responsible for the spell and you can still sit next to him. Bobby is responsible for causing Dean an untold amount of pain a putting an unnecessary amount of stress on him. Your easy acceptance of him is more than unnerving." Doctor Arbogast said.

"Bobby is an old family friend who has explained his part in the spell. Dean has forgiven him so why can't I." Sam asked

"Bobby will always put what he believes to be best for Dean before what Dean actually wants. The conversation Dean had with his dad is a prime example. Dean had only just been released from the clinic after a five-day stay and after having a caesarean. What Dean needed was rest. Dean needed to relax and a conversation with his dad is far from relaxing. Dean needed a few hours where he could just rest but you couldn't even give him that Bobby. That is not something an old family friend would do." Doctor Heese said

"Dean is a grown man and the conversation with his dad is not something that could be delayed. Hell even I know that it was stupid to leave the two of them in the same room together so soon after the caesarean, but it was for the best." Bobby said. He was not going to be made to feel guilty for something he had done with the best of intentions.

"That does not…

Doctor Heese was about to tell Bobby how that was not an excuse when there was a short sharp knock on the office door.

"Come in." Doctor Arbogast said.

Angela walked into the office shutting the door behind her. When she saw that Sam and Bobby were sitting on chairs in the office she asked; "What are they doing here?"

"There here to see Alexander." Doctor Arbogast told his wife.

Turning her attention to Sam and completely ignoring Bobby, a man that she had very little respect for after all that he had done to Dean she asked; "You have your memories back."

"Yes." Sam replied

"Good. I hope that this time no one decides that they know what is in Deans and Alexander's best interests." Turning her attention back to her husband and Doctor Heese she continued speaking. "Dean has Alexander all safe and secure in his car seat. Dean is actually planning on putting that car seat in his impala and driving all the way to his new place. I want one of you to tell him why he can't do that."

"Angela, honey we have both told Dean that driving is out of the question more than once. On more than one occasion I have told Dean to relax and not do anything that would put any undue pressure on the incision, but he only pays a little attention to what we tell him." Doctor Arbogast replied

"I don't want Dean to leave this clinic with no help." Angela said

"Where is he now," Doctor Arbogast asked. There was a small chance that Sam could be reunited with Dean and Alexander before they left the clinic.

"In the staff canteen" Angela said

"Angela, could you please take Sam to the staff canteen and then come back here." Doctor Heese asked

"Yes." Angela replied. As she was replying to what Doctor Heese had just asked her to do, Sam was already out of his seat and waitng by the door. Smiling slightly at Sam she asked; "Let's go and reunite you with your family"

Once Angela and Sam had left there, office Doctor Heese eyed Bobby with a barely concealed hostility and in a voice that would scare most sane people Doctor Heese said, "You are not to go within twenty feet of Dean, Sam or Alexander while they are in this clinic."

"You can dictate what I do." Bobby said. He was not going to allow two out of shape snobby Doctors tell him what he could and couldn't do.

"You will find that while you are in this clinic what we tell you to do is an unwritten law." Doctor Heese calmly replied.

* * *

He was nervous just behind the closed door was Dean and there son. How was he going to explain his presence in the clinic to Bobby? How was he going to tell Dean just how sorry for leaving even if it really wasn't his fault. How could he fix the poor state of his relationship with Dean?

Noticing that Sam was hesitant about walking into the staff canteen, she opened the door for him and gave him a gentle push inside. Once Sam was safety inside the staff canteen, she shut the door.


	31. Chapter 30

**Notes: **Dean refers to Alexander as his son throughout this chapter it is intentional and not a mistake. He various parts of the chapter he will also refer to Alexander as there son, this is also intentional. I have written the chapter like this as Dean has been mostly on his own throughout the hospital and Alexander's first few weeks in the clinic. It makes sense that Dean will refer to Alexander more as his son instead of there son.

**Notes: **A few swear words are in this chapter.

* * *

"Dean." Sam said almost hesitantly. He couldn't quite believe that he was now in the same room as Dean and there son. The last time he had been this close to Dean there son had yet to born. Now there son was just five feet away from him. 

"What are you doing here," Dean asked. He was not going to turn round and see Sam standing there. He wasn't ready to deal with Sam being so close to him again. Over the last few months, he had come to learn that happiness with Sam was not something he could have without many problems.

"I remember everything." Sam said. He desperately wanted to reach out and touch Dean. He wanted to hold Dean and never let him go. That thought scared him slightly as he had never felt so much love for just one person before.

His heart swelled with hope and love for Sam when Sam spoke those words he never expected to hear. He couldn't afford to let that hope and love for Sam to rule his life. Too much crap had happened in the last few months for him just to welcome Sam back into his life. He now had Alexander to think consider. Squaring his shoulders and keeping the son out of Sam's line of sight behind him he turned to face Sam. Trying to sound casual and failing miserably ha said; "What do you expect me to say tot hat."

"Nothing, anything." Sam said

"How did you remember and how long can I expect it to last," Dean asked. He was not going to allow his emotional needs dictate how this conversation with Sam proceeded. He wanted Sam. He needed Sam in ways that he couldn't even begin to describe, but all of his wants and needs would just have to wait.

"Visions and nothing will separate us again." Sam said

"Figures that it would have to be those damn visions. Sam those memories you regained are not going to be a permanent thing. The spell is still intact and there is only one get out clause for the spell. Having a vision isn't the get out clause; it's just a damn fluke. It's just one of those unexpected things that can happen. I can almost guarantee that you won't be around for our sons first birthday." Sam said.

"Can't you accept that having my memories back is a good thing?" Sam said

"No." Dean replied

"Why not. We can be a family Dean. We can raise our son together. Bobby and I already have the nursery ready for Alexander and a room ready fro you. Everything is all set for our new life together as parents." Sam said.

"Bobby's house is the last damn place I want to raise our son." Dean said as he reached behind his back and placed a hand on his son's car seat. It was a small act of comfort on his part. It also made him feel that little bit more connected to his son.

"Bobby's place is the only safe place for our son to be. You can't decide not to stay with Bobby because of Dad. So, Bobby didn't tell you that dad was at his house waiting for you does it even matter. You and dad needed to have a conversation." Sam said.

"Bobby can't be trusted," Dean said. He wasn't going to admit that all of what Sam just said was the truth. He had already made plans to raise there son in a motel and then an apartment when he was able to find a suitable apartment. He was not going to change that plan just because Sam had his memories back. He wasn't going to risk getting his heart broken again. He wasn't going to allow that small glimmer of hope change his plans for Alexander's future.

"Bobby is an old family friend. He has helped us out whenever things have got to tough. Bobby has never turned us away when we have asked him for help. You need to give Bobby another chance," Sam said

"I forgave Bobby for his part in the spell. That forgiveness took a lot out of me Sam. Instead of directing my anger at both Bobby and dad, I just directed all of my anger towards dad. I get that Bobby not telling me about dad being at his house was a good thing, but it was the very last thing I needed. I had only just been released from the clinic after five days rest. I had a caesarean I ached in places you can't even begin to imagine. All I wanted to do was sleep. The last damn thing I wanted to do was talk to dad. Fuck Bobby was all for the conversation with dad. Not once did he say I know your insides have been pulled apart why don't you rest. Bobby didn't stop the conversation with dad when it began to escalate into an argument. I can't give Bobby another chance because he never deserved the first one I gave him." Dean said

"Bobby had your best interests in mind. He deserves that second chance." Sam said

With any hope, he felt for Sam finally being crushed by Sam's constant defence of Bobby he said, "I don't care about Bobby or what he thinks is best for me. I'm done giving people second chances every damn time they fuck up. You don't get to order me about Sam. You don't get to tell me how I should treat Bobby."

"He is a friend who more than deserves that second chance. He is the only one we can trust enough to keep our son safe from the demon. You can't walk away from the security Bobby has in his house just because you're so damn stubborn." Sam said

"Bobby deserves a chance," Dean said repeating Sam's words back to him "You are sounding more like dad with every minute I am near you. Bobby may be the only person who has a house that is like fortress against the demon but he is not the only option I have. Do you seriously think I would walk out of this clinic with my son without taking into consideration the whole demon situation?"

Totally ignoring Dean's mention of having another option when it came to there son he focused on Dean calling Dean calling there son his son. It was as if Dean had already cut him out of there son's life. He wasn't going to take that without a fight. Instead of remaining calm, he said with a lot more anger than was necessary "What do you mean my son. I am Alexander dad and I have an equal say in what happens to him."

"What makes you think you have a right to tell me how my son should be raised?" Dean asked

"He is my son as well and that gives me as much right as you." Sam said

"Fuck Sam this isn't a toy we are arguing about he is my … he is our son. You have to understand that I have made plans for Alexander's life that just don't include you. You were never supposed to regain your memories though visions Sam. You should only be here if I had died but that hasn't happen. You can't come back telling me that you have your memories back and expect everything to be okay. This isn't a damn television show where you have a happy ending." Dean said

"Do those plans involve raising our son in a motel room," Sam asked

"For the first couple of weeks I will be staying in motel with my son," Dean said

"You would honestly prefer to stay in some shitty motel room that has no security from the demon other than a few salt lines. Bobby's house has protections and spells against built into the walls. A motel is just an open invitation for the demon. Bobby's house is safety and security for our son. "Sam said. He had to convince Dean that staying with Bobby was the only option they had.

"Do you have such a low opinion of me Sam," Dean asked

"No." Sam replied unsure of where Dean was going with this line of conversation

"Have I ever been someone who doesn't make detailed plans?" Dean asked

"Well yeah it was always me or dad that made pans about how each hunt should be carried out. You were more concerned about getting the weapons ready. Plans were just never your thing." Sam said

"I'm trying to tell you that I have made plans on how to raise my son. I don't need you to tell me that I am risking my son's safety and security by refusing Bobby's help. I know leaving the clinic with Alexander and going to a motel isn't the best option, but it's all I have. I have more than enough money so that I don't need to work or hustle for money for a couple of years." Dean said

"What money." Sam asked

"I have saved money for a life that doesn't include the hunt." Dean said

"How much money do you have saved?" Sam asked

"$140, 000." Dean said

"You have that much money saved in some bank account and never thought to mention it to anyone. That money could have made our lives a lot easier. We could have stayed in houses instead of rundown motels. How could you keep that money a secret?" Sam asked. He knew the money Dean had saved would be great help for there sons, but it could have made there life's easier. They could have had a life that didn't include staying in abandoned houses.

"Sam the money I have saved is for Alexander. That money will be used to begin a new life that doesn't include Bobby or the hunt." Dean said.

"We need Bobby's help." Sam insisted. He was unwilling to admit that Alexander and Dean staying with Bobby was something that just wasn't going to happen.

"Fuck Bobby. Since you have been here all you have done is tell me how much we need Bobby's help. The only person you are defending is Bobby. You haven't asked me how Alexander is doing. You have just talked about Bobby." Dean said.

"I didn't mean to its just that Bobby's house is the safest place we can raise our son. I don't want our son to be killed or taken by the demon because you were too stubborn to stay with Bobby. I now that you have some reservations about staying with Bobby but you need to get over them. I will not let you put our son in danger because you were to pig headed to accept Bobby's help." Sam said. He knew that he been talking about Bobby more than was necessary but Dean needed to realise that Bobby meant Safety and security for there son.

"You mean every damn word. I don't care how long and how hard you advocate staying with Bobby it's not going to happen. I have made plans for what happens when I leave the clinic with Alexander and I'm not going to change them." Dean said. He was beginning to get increasingly pissed of with Sam. Just how many times was he going to have to repeat something before Sam realised he wasn't going to change his mind.

"He is my son as well Dean. I have an equal say in where we live with our son." Sam said

He sat down on a chair that was closest to his son's car seat. He took a moment to look at his peacefully sleeping son. He knew that parenthood was never going to be easy but this was ridiculous. Sam was meant to be happy to see him and Alexander. All Sam had done was pick an argument with him. Placing a hand on the handle of the car seat Dean said. "Alexander is our son but there is no we in any this. Go back to college Sam. Just go anywhere as long as its not here."

He couldn't reply to the words Dean had just spoken. His gaze was firmly fixed on that of there son. Alexander was so very small. Alexander had features that were defiantly Dean's and features that were all him. Alexander was defiantly a Winchester. He desperately wanted to touch his son, but Alexander was asleep. Looking at there son he was struck with a sudden thought. What if he couldn't cope with Alexander? How was he going to be a good dad when his own dad had been absence for long period of his childhood? What if he completely failed and there son turned out to be a criminal of some kind. Still looking at there son he said. "His beautiful."

"Angela reckons Alexander is going to be a heartbreaker when he grows up. He looks far too much like you and that is going to be trouble." Dean said

"How is that a bad thing?" Sam asked with a smile

"No," running a hand over his face in a vain attempt to wipe away the exhaustion of the last few days he wanted to tell Sam so many things. He knew that most of what still had to be said was going to be hard and not easy for Sam to hear. "We have to talk."

"Isn't that what we are doing?" Sam asked

"No that has just been one long assed discussion about Bobby. You need to understand a few things." Dean said.

"Such as." Sam asked

"I… I don't trust you with Alexander. I can't trust you not to take Alexander and go to stay with Bobby." Dean said. It had hurt to tell Sam that he no longer trusted him with there son but it was for the best. He had just been hurt to many times by Sam. Forgiveness or trust was never going to be easy.

He found a chair that was just a few feet away from Dean and pulled it over to where Dean was seated. Once he had the chair where it needed to be he sat on it. His first reaction upon Dean telling him he couldn't be trusted with there son was one of anger. Then that anger was replaced with understanding. Dean had every right to feel the way he did. Licking his lips in what was just one of the many gestures he had he said. "I would never take our son from you. I don't agree with the decision not to stay with Bobby but I would never ever take our son from you."

"I wish I could believe you," Dean said. He knew how determined Sam could be when he wanted something to be done in a certain way. There son being raised at Bobby's house was not going to be something Sam gave up on.

"You can. I'm not going to force you to stay with Bobby. I just don't like the thought of our son being in a motel the first few weeks of his life. I want our son to have a life where the demon isn't a constant threat." Sam said

With a smile that didn't reach his eyes he knew that despite what Sam was telling him staying with Bobby was the only option. He wasn't going to let Sam make any demands or tell him what was in Alexander's best interests. He had plans already made and Sam wasn't going to change those plans. Taking a breath and wishing that he could still drink coffee he said. "I'm sick and tried of having to repeat this to you. Staying with Bobby is not an option. I don't care what reasons you come up with to make Bobby's house seem like the only option. It's not going to happen. I know that a motel isn't the best place for my son but that is what I have chosen to do. You don't get to tell me should raise my son. You just don't get a say."

"He is my son." Sam said.

"I know he is that isn't going to be something I forget. Alexander is the spitting image of you. I… I spent the first few hours after Alexander's birth without seeing him. During that time, I was sleeping or generally having small emotional breakdowns. The first time I saw Alexander it was in a Polaroid photograph. You have no idea what it is like to see your son surrounded by so many wires because he was born too early. I had to watch my son fight for his life. Just because you're his dad it doesn't give you any rights." Dean said

"Do you blame me for not being there when Alexander was born?" Sam asked. He knew that Dean had some serious problems with his leaving but both times, it had not been his fault. He needed to gain Deans trust again

"No." Dean replied

"I want an honest relpy Dean." Sam asked

Looking at a suddenly interesting spot on the floor, he found himself unable to look Sam in the eye. Until Sam had asked him that question, he had never blamed Sam for leaving for him. He had blamed there dad, Bobby and even the demon. He had blamed everyone but Sam. Until now, Sam had been blameless but now that Sam had asked him that question, his opinion had changed. A part of him held a lot of anger towards Sam for leaving him. Looking at Sam, he said. "Yes."

"Why do you blame me?" Sam asked

"You left me for the first time while I was still pregnant. You left again when I was just hours away from having a caesarean." Dean said

"I'm sorry, but you have to know that I would never leave you willing." Sam said. He desperately wanted to touch Dean but he knew that Dean would just push him away if he tried.

"Knowing that doesn't change how I feel. How do I know you're not going to leave me again?" Dean asked. He couldn't shake the feeling that something would happen to take Sam form him again. He wasn't sure if he could survive being left by Sam again.

"I promise I will never leave you or our son." Sam said

"You can't promise me that Sam. You can't promise me anything until this fucking spell is broken. The spell will remain intact until I die." Dean said. He knew that once again, he was repeating some of what he had already said but Sam had not being paying to much attention to what he said earlier.

"We can find a way to break the spell." Sam suggested

"There is no point Sam. There will always be something else that keeps us apart. We are just not meant for a happy life. Sam go back to college. Staying with my and Alexander is not going to be a permanent thing. There will be something that separates us again." Dean said his already broken heart shattering with each word he spoke.

"Will you stop trying to push me away? I don't care if we have only a few months together. I'm not going to leave." Sam said

"Tell me what our son's middle name is." Dean asked. He had to be sure that Sam's visions had given him back all of his memories. He also had to be sore that what he remembered wasn't already beginning to fade from his mind.

"Our son doesn't have a middle name." Sam confidently replied

As soon as those words had left Sam's mouth, he knew that the likelihood of Sam keeping his memories was incredibly slim. He still had to be sure so showing now sign that Sam had given him the wrong answer he asked. "Have I ever left you while I was still pregnant?"

"No." Sam said

"Which one of us told dad you were the father of my baby?" Dean asked

"You told him. I can still remember that day because you told me how angry dad got," Sam said

"Before today have you ever met Angela?" Dean asked hoping against hope that Sam would answer at least one of the questions he was asked correctly.

"I drove you to the clinic because Alexander couldn't wait any longer to be born. That was the first time I met Angela." Sam said

"What our son's name." Dean asked. He really needed Sam to get this question right. If Sam couldn't remember there, son's name after it been repeated frequently in the last hour than Sam having his memories back really was just a temporary thing. He wouldn't let Sam back into his life if it was only going to be for a few weeks.

"Our son doesn't have name yet. Which is kind of odd as he is nearly a month old?" Sam said unaware of just how much pain each word he spoke was causing Dean.

"Sam why are you here." Dean asked. He could see that Sam's memories of there son and the last few months was passing with each minute they talked to each other. Within a few minutes, Sam would want to know what he was doing at the clinic and how he came to be there. He didn't want to deal with a clueless Sam.

"To see you." Sam happily replied

"You're not here to see anyone else. You don't want to know why there is a baby in a car seat on the table." Dean asked

"Who else would I want to see? As for the baby I just figured you were looking after it for someone." Sam said

"Sam I have to go and give the baby back to his mom. Could you wait here for a while I take him back." Dean asked

"Yeah just don't take all day." Sam replied

"I'll just be a few minutes. Sam it was good to see you. I know how important college is for you. It means a lot that you came." Dean said as he picked up the car seat containing his son and walked out of the small staff canteen.

"How did it go," Angela asked. She was eager to know how Dean and Sam had made up. It didn't even occur to her to be worried or concerned that Sam was not standing by Dean's side.

"Exactly like I expected it to. Angela go and talk to Sam. He hasn't had the chance to speak to you and I know he wants to catch up." Dean said the lie easily falling from his lips.

"Where are you going with Alexander?" Angela asked

"I'm going to put him in the car. I told Sam that it would take a while as I want to make sure its done right. While I am putting Alexander in the car, you can talk to Sam. Can you tell Sam to leave Bobby well alone? We had an argument about Bobby's part in the spell and Sam threatened to do a few things to Bobby. I just want to make sure that Sam won't do anything stupid." Dean said. The lies that he was now saying becoming more detailed with each breath, he took.

"How did Sam manage to convince you that he was doing all of the driving." Angela asked

"Blackmail. Angela I don't mean to be rude but I need to get Alexander settled in the car before he wakes up." Dean said.

"Call me when you all get settled at the new place." Angela asked

"Promise." Dean replied.

She stood in the hallway and watched Dean walk back towards the clinics parking lot. She was pleased that everything was working out for Dean. After everything, that Dean had gone though in the last few weeks it was nice to know that things were finally going right for Dean. Once Dean was no longer in sight, she walked into the small staff canteen.

* * *

He knew that he was taking the easy way out by leaving the clinic with his son but staying was too hard. He felt only a small amount of guilt for lying to Angela. He knew that Angela would have expected his conversation to have a happy ending but she would have to be disappointed. The Sam she going to speak to in the staff canteen would have a fading memory. 

When Alexander was secure in his car seat, he made sure all of the car doors were locked and started the cars engine. For a moment, he just let his hands rest on the steering wheel. He wanted Sam to coming running of the clinic with his memory intact. He didn't want to leave everything behind him again. He didn't want to be a single parent. With Sam slowly losing his memories again what choice, did he have?

Taking his hands of the steering wheel, he put gear and began the journey towards a new life.

* * *

When she walked into the staff canteen, it was with a smile. Sam had regained his memories. He was back together with Dean and Alexander. It meant that Sam and Dean could be a family again. The stress, pain, and misery that Dean had been put though in the last few months was slowly easing away. 

"Sam it's good to see you again. What do you think of that beautiful son of yours? What did you blackmail Dean with for him to hand over the keys for the impala?" Angela asked quickly asking one question after another.

"First of I don't have a son Jessica isn't pregnant and she never has been. Second the last time I blackmailed Dean it was over the free toy in the cereal." Sam said slowly beginning to lose his patience with Dean. Just how long did it take to return someone's baby?

With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, she asked, "Did you come to the clinic with anyone?"

"No." Sam said

"Then how did you get here." Angela asked

Frowning slightly he tried to remember how he travelled to the clinic but came up blank. He couldn't remember how he came to be at the clinic and that was more than worrying. How could he forget how he made the journey to the clinic? Wit a sigh he said, "I don't know."

Taking a breath Angela found herself repeating information that Sam had been told more than once. "You came here with Bobby to see Dean and your son Alexander. Alexander is the direct result of a curse and sex. Alexander was born ten weeks early though a caesarean. This was due to the sheer amount of pressure and stress, Dean been put though while pregnant. The baby that you met just a few minutes ago was your son."

"I can't remember any of that. Why can't I remember?" Sam asked. He had no reason not to believe what Angela was telling him. It would explain why Dean and been more emotional than normal when he had only just meant to be taking the baby back to his mom. A baby that he now knew was his once.

"Long story short your dad didn't want to believe Dean was pregnant. He convinced Bobby to do a spell that would take all of your memories of Dean's pregnancy and the last few months. The spell took place when you were at the clinic with Dean as his labor had begun ten weeks early. One minute you were at the clinic and the next you were gone." Angela said.

"I can't remember anything because of a spell." Sam asked.

"The spell has only one get out clause and it wasn't by you having a vision. I can only think that the reason you have forgotten most of what you recently remembered is that the spell is still intact. I was happy for Dean. Things were finally going the right way for him. Now Dean is all alone again and I don't like that." Angela said

"Is there any way the spell can be broken." Sam asked. He may not remember any of what had occurred in the last few weeks but he didn't like the thought of Dean being alone. He didn't want Dean to suffer alone because he couldn't remember the last few months.

"He has to die." Angela replied

"There has to be another way." Sam said

"There is no other way Sam. For this spell to be broken Dean has to die even if it only for just a few seconds. "Angela replied. She was quietly happy that Sam was reacting well to the news of being a father better than he had done on previous occasions.

"I can't hurt Dean." Sam said. Despite everything that he had gone, though with Dean he still loved him. "If you want to remember everything permanently then killing Dean is the only option you have."


	32. Chapter 31

**Notes: **I was going to finally break the spell once and for all in this chapter, but I would have meant another long chapter. So I just decided upon Sam and Bobby attempting to find out where Dean would go with Alexander.

* * *

He doesn't know too much about New York. What he does know is limited to movies and old stories that his dad used to tell him. He does know that New York is a place where you can disappear in. It is also a place that no one called Winchester or anyone associated with the Winchesters have been to in years. It is by knowing that neither his friends or what remains of his family that he goes to New York. He knows that New York is a place filled with criminals and most probably supernatural creatures of all kinds. He knows that New York is not exactly the safest place to be with his son. It is the only place that those who know him won't come looking for him.

For a week, he travelled across the country to get to New York. He stayed with his son in motels that were barely one-step above habitable. It damn near broke his heart to stay in shitty motels with his son but it was for the best in the long run. Staying in motels that had seen better days with his son for just a week would pay of.

It did pay of.

One the very same day he arrived in New York he had an apartment.

The apartment had seen better days. His new home had two bedrooms, which suited him, as one bedroom would be used for his son's nursery. It had cost him $130,000 to buy the apartment but it was money well spent. He knew just how hard it was to buy a two-bedroom apartment in New York. Well that was what one of his neighbours had told him. The new apartment the very first thing he had other than his car that he had owned had a kitchen and a bathroom that needed updating. The living area or whatever you would call it was an empty space. The last person who had owned his new home must have had a thing for the sixties judging by the weird ass colors that had been used to decorate the place.

He would need to redecorate the apartment, but right now, the most important thing was to get his son settled in a cot that he borrowed from a neighbour. A neighbour that had spent a good thirty minutes admiring his son and offering to baby-sit for him if the need should arise. It wasn't going to be an offer he took straight away, as he barely knew his new neighbour. His new neighbour may have been an elderly woman who had given him a cot but that didn't mean she could be trusted.

It was with a muttering of swear words that he was relieved that his son wouldn't yet be able to understand that he realized other than the cot he had no furniture. He had nothing that he could be put into Alexander's nursery other than a car seat, the cot from his neighbour and a few clothes. Buying the apartment on his first day in New York had been a stroke of luck. Luck that would not be repeated. He needed to get in the essentials. Essentials would include furniture for Alexander's nursery, nappies, more baby clothes, paint, pen markers (invisible ink so that he could draw protection symbols all over his apartment without them being seen), food for himself and clothes. He had so much that needed to be done and there was only a few hours left in the day.

Looking at his sleeping son, he made a silent promise to himself that nothing would ever hurt either of them again.

"It's been a week, why can't I find him." Sam asked. It had been a week since Dean had walked out of the clinic with there son and during that week things had been odd for him. One day he would remember he had a son and the next day he wouldn't. It had become so bad that the doctors had recorded a short film of him speaking about Dean and there son. That tape was played back to him on the days he couldn't remember Dean or there son.

"It was never going to be easy to find Dean or Alexander once they had left the clinic." Bobby said. He was well aware that the doctors, Angela and Sam didn't hold him in high regard. He knew that it was his fault for giving into Dean's request to do the spell but it still hurt. He didn't like to be seen as the bad guy. He was helping in the search to find Dean as he knew of the many ways Dean would choose to hide with Alexander. He was also helping because in his own mind he was making up for a mistake that had caused Dean and Sam so much pain.

"You should never have done the damn spell." Sam snapped. Before the spell, he had been by Dean's side waiting for a caesarean that he never got to witness. Before the spell, he had been re-building his life with Dean. He had been slowly regaining Dean's trust. Now all that was gone because of a fucking spell.

"How many times do I have to tell you? I thought it was for the best. John led me to believe that I was helping you and Dean. I never thought it would turn out like this." Bobby said knowing that the words he spoke would never come close to explaining his actions.

"During the conversation with Dean I tried to convince him that your house was the best place for us and Alexander. I damn near ripped apart what plans Dean had for our son's future to pieces. I refused to believe that he knew what was best for our son. I kept telling him that you were the only option we had. I didn't understand why you were never ht best option." Sam said

"What do you understand now?" Bobby asked. A part of him hoped that Sam could explain why Dean had just left his house without telling him why.

"I thought it was he couldn't trust you. Then I thought it was because you lied to him about dad. Now I think it's because Dean knew that our son would never be safe at your house. Sure, your house is demon proof. It would be one of the first places the demon would look for our son. All one of us would have to do is drop our grad for just a second and Alexander would be gone. Dean knew that it was better to tell no one where he Alexander would be staying. That way it would be harder for the demon to find Alexander if not impossible." Sam said.

"That is why Dean left without a word of warning." Bobby asked

""We need to do more to find Dean and Alexander." Sam said. He didn't like the fact that Dean and there son had no one but each other. He hated the fact that his memories were never going to be permament thing until Dean died. Why just for once couldn't things be easy?

"Sam we managed to track Dean as far as Kansas. Then he bought ten bus tickets to ten different locations all over the country using the name Malcolm Young. How are we meant to find Dean with that information? At one of those locations he could have gone anywhere." Bobby said

"We could find out if he actually got on any of those buses." Sam said. The only reason they had found out that a person called Malcolm Young had bought those ten tickets was Dean's love of heavy metal music. He knew that Dean would often pick out the name of a person who belonged to Metallica, Iron Maiden or Led Zeppelin. I this case it had been AC/DC. It made there job of finding Dean and Alexander a little easier.

"I already checked that out. A Malcolm Young got on all of the buses he bought a ticket for." Bobby said

"How is that possible?" Sam asked slightly peeved that the tickets had no panned out into a solid lead to find Dean and there son.

"My guess is that Dean gave away those tickets and drove to wherever he was heading to." Bobby said.

"He shouldn't be driving," Sam said then he realized the stupidity of his remark. When had Dean ever taken the easy path in life? Knowing Dean, the way he did he wouldn't be surprised if Dean had chosen to drive his car to prove a point.

"Do you have any idea where Dean would take Alexander?" Bobby asked

"If I had any idea where Dean and Alexander could be do you seriously think I would still be here talking to you." Sam snapped. All he wanted right now was to be reunited with Dean and there son.

"Sam just take a moment to calm down and think. Is there a place that Dean mentioned a lot? Do you know of a place where your dada hasn't been to in a few years. Is there a place that your dad just refuses to mention," Bobby asked. He knew that if they could both figure out a place that John wouldn't visit or Dean had mentioned more than once they would finds out where Dean and Alexander had gone.

"Dean never showed too much interest in any of the places that he lived in growing up. HE just wanted to move onto the next hunt. Dean never wanted to know more about whatever town or city we were living in at the time. Dad did leave us in a town that had just five shops and twenty houses for a month to go on this hunt to New York. When he came back from New York, he was angry. I can remember Dean asking him about New York, but he reacted as if Dean had done something wrong. After that New York was never mentioned again." Sam said

"He has gone to New York." Bobby said.

"How can you be so sure?" Sam asked. He didn't want to go to New York and spend a few weeks looking for Dean and there son when he didn't have to. He didn't want to waste any unnecessary time searching for Dean and there son.

"Something happened in New York that caused John to be angry, so angry that he didn't tell his sons about the hunt. Your father took you and Dean to every city or small town in America, but he never took you to New York. Dean most probably knows that New York is not a place your dad will ever go to again. "Bobby said

"Even if Dean and Alexander are New York do you have any idea how hard it will be to find them? New York is a big city Bobby. It could take months to find Dean and Alexander. Are you willing to spend the next few months looking for them," Sam asked. He wanted to find Dean and Alexander so that he could finally break the damn spell. He was pissed that every time he had the chance to be with Dean and there son something to took it all away from him.

"We can go to New York and start at one of city and keep going until we find Dean and Alexander. It doesn't matter if it takes us a week or a year we will find Dean and Alexander." Bobby said

"Its going to take us weeks if not months," Sam said

"Do you want to be reunited with Dean and Alexander or are you just more interested in getting those memories back." Bobby asked.

"I want both."


	33. Chapter 32

**Notes:** Stan is a one of character of my own creation.

* * *

He had been in his new apartment for two weeks now.

In those two weeks, he had managed to decorate his son's nursery. He had spent the better part of three hours carefully hand painting various Disney characters on the walls of his sons nursery. From what little he knew Disney was the thing to paint on the walls of your child's nursery. He personally found Disney a little eerie. What normal person found the concept of cartoon animals that could talk a good influence? In his experience, it usually meant something demonic was happening. Despite having that type of experience, he still spent three hours painting Disney characters on the walls of his son's nursery.

That was what people considered normal.

Before he picked up a paintbrush, he had done something that was so much more important. With the use of an invisible pen marker, he had drawn several protection symbols on the walls, ceilings and floor of his son's nursery. He had also written a powerful protection spell on the door of his son's nursery. It meant that his son's nursery was now like fort Knox. It had out his mind at ease to know his son would be safe. Once the nursery was completed, he began to work on the rest of the apartment.

As he had with his son's nursery, he used the invisible pen marker and drew protective symbols all over the apartment's walls, floors and ceilings. He had even written protection symbols on all of the doors and windows frames of his apartment. While he had spent the better part of two days doing all the protection symbols and spells he had two thoughts. One thought was that his apartment was secure and salt would no longer be an item he bought in bulk. The second thought was for the invisible pen markers he used. He knew that despite not being seen all of the symbols he had drawn and the spells he had written would work. He knew that if what he had drawn and written all over the apartment could be seen by the naked eye he would be seen as crazy person. Once the apartment was secure and his son's nursery was, complete he took the moment to just take in all that he had achieved in the last two weeks.

With little sleep (he was breast-feeding his son) no help and a small radio for background noise he had made his apartment secure against any supernatural attack. His son had a nursery that he knew was good. Hell he could confidently say that the nursery was better than anything any other kid had. Maybe he was bias but the nursery was perfect.

The apartment had been made safe in exactly the same way the nursery had. The walls had been painted in a neutral colour. He wasn't about to worry about picking out a colour scheme for the apartment. All he needed now was furniture. There were only so many times he could sit on the floor of his apartment as his son slept.

It was after two weeks that he left the apartment with his son. Before he left the apartment, he used a breast pump to express some milk into a bottle for his son. As he had only expressed enough milk for one bottle he knew that he only had three hours before his son would need to be fed again. Unlike women, he couldn't breastfeed his son in public and he wasn't going to use a toilet. There was just no way he would be taking his son into a toilet.

It was while he was walking down the streets of New York that he realised just how little people paid attention to you. More than once someone pushed past him and if it wasn't for the fact that he had a firm grip on his buggy there would been violence. He hated being so crowded in. There were people everywhere and it was hard to see more than a few feet in front of him. The streets of New York were crowded and he wasn't a great lover of crowds.

New York was still the safest place for him to be with his son.

* * *

Two weeks ago he had all been fired up to find Dean and there son. It had been his all-consuming needs and wants to be reunited with his family. Now after two weeks of being in a city that seemed to be constantly over-crowded he was beginning to get pissed of. The people of New York were friendly enough but he couldn't help but see signs of demonic possession everywhere he went. More than once Bobby had accused him of being paranoid, but paranoia was always a good thing in there line of work. He knew that it would take a while to Dean and Alexander, but it was hard. It was hard to know that Dean and Alexander were in the same city as him, but he just didn't know where.

With his hands firmly curled around a mug of coffee, he watched the small wisps of steam rise from the mug. He wanted his son and Dean back with him. He was sick and tried of being separated from his family. Why did he always have to go though so much to get that happy ending. Blowing on his coffee to cool it down slightly and taking a generous mouthful of coffee he looked at Bobby and asked; "Do you have any glue were they could be."

"I made contact with the hunters that keep an eye on all the supernatural shit that goes on in New York. I asked them to keep an eye open and an ear to the ground for Dean. Before you even ask me, I didn't mention Alexander. I also reminded them that John was not to find out about my search for Dean," Bobby said

Totally ignoring the fact that Bobby had taken the time to track down the hunters of New York and ask them to look for Dean he said; "You know that none of those hunters will keep there promise not to tell dad were we are searching for Dean. The very last thing we need is dad here."

"They won't tell John about our search for Dean." Bobby replied.

"How can you be so damn sure?" Sam asked. He had this small nagging doubt that if Dean found out they were in New York looking for him he would take Alexander and run again.

"I promised to bring down every evil creature upon there heads. In case that threat didn't work I told them they would find themselves on the NYPD's hit list." Bobby said

"You would do that for Dean and Alexander." Sam asked

"Yes. The hunters have come back with some information about Dean's whereabouts. He has been spotted in an apartment building six blocks from here. It could be that Dean has an apartment in this block or he was just visiting someone. We now know for sure that Dean is in New York with Alexander." Bobby said

Smiling at the first bit of good news he had in a ling time concerning Dean he asked; "Did they say anything about how Dean looked or if he had Alexander with him."

"More than one of them mentioned he looked exhausted. A few of them said it was as if he had been though the wars and been unable to stop or rest." Bobby said.

"What about Alexander." Sam asked. He couldn't help but feel guilty that Dean was rundown. He should be with Dean sharing the responsibility of looking after there son but he wasn't. He wouldn't be able to rejoin Dean or Alexander until he had regained his memories on a permanent basis. He couldn't risk putting Dean though any unnecessary pain.

"Two of the hunters I spoke to mentioned a baby." Bobby replied.

"And..." Sam prompted eager for any information on his son.

"They wanted to know what Dean was doing with such a young baby. To hunters Dean is both respected and feared in equal measure. Your dad is just feared." Bobby said

"I didn't know that," Sam said slowly beginning to wonder just how much about his brother he didn't know.

"Other hunters know that there is nothing he won't do when it comes to complete a hunt. Half of the hunters I asked for there help in finding Dean refused. When I asked why they told me that from what they knew of Dean he would react very badly to being followed." Bobby said.

"Did Dean know he was being followed?" Sam asked. If Dean had even the vaguest idea that he was being followed, he would leave New York with Alexander and they would never find them.

"None at all. Don't worry Sam we will find Dean. We can go to that apartment block now." Bobby suggested. He knew that since Dean had only been in New York for two weeks it was unlikely he had made friends with anyone. It meant that the apartments were where Dean had been seen was where he lived.

* * *

He made it back to the apartment after just two hours. He had managed to find a store that would deliver a couch, dining table, a double bed, and all of the stuff that would come with the bed. As his car was currently in the parking space that had come with the apartment, a lot the stuff he had bought would need to be delivered. With the furniture, it had been a free delivery. The groceries, baby stuff that included diapers and clothes he had to pay twenty dollars to get them delivered to his apartment. The furniture wouldn't be delivered to his apartment for another two weeks. Why he had to wait two weeks for furniture he had already paid for he didn't know. It made no sense, as the store he had gone to was only four blocks from his apartment.

The groceries would be delivered within the next two hours.

* * *

All he wanted to do was sleep for the next two days. He desperately wanted to get more than two hours of uninterrupted sleep, but he knew that wasn't going to happen.

Alexander was now seven weeks old. After weighing so little at birth, he now weighed 8 pounds. It still meant that his son was still slightly under weight for a baby that was nearly two months old but his son had put on weight. It meant that he actually knew what he was doing and not all of it was luck or guess work. Gently taking his son out of the pushchair or as he was now calling it the devils idea of a joke he began to walk around the apartment. His son was fast asleep, but he still found himself taking about there new life and all that they would be doing together. It was only when it came to talking about Sam that he couldn't find the words to speak. He loved Sam but there were just not enough words to describe what he was feeling.

Walking though the apartment to his son's nursery, he placed his son in the cot. Very gently, he pulled the plain duvet cover over his son, covering him up to his chest. He made sure that his son settled and comfortable. As quietly as he could mange, he leaned over the cot and very gently placed a kiss on his son's cheek. Quietly he walked out of his son's nursery stopping only to pick up the baby monitor he shut the bedroom door.

He could have left the nursery door open, but that would have meant the spell written upon the nursery door would lose some its strength. He wasn't willing to risk his son's safety even if the risk was extremely small.

Since the birth of his son and coming to New York, he had become a person that made lists. Lists that covered everything from what vaccines his son would need to get and how he could make it though life as a single parent. The vaccines his son would need were the most important thing he needed to be done.

So he rang the doctors and asked them to refer him to a clinic or doctor that wouldn't ask to many questions. The doctors had been horrified that he was willing to take Alexander to a clinic or hospital that had no knowledge of Alexander's unique parentage. After a lot of discussion, the doctors both offered to make a home visit. There offer meant both the doctors and Angela would be coming to his new apartment.

He should be happy that the doctors had been willing to come to New York and he was. There was just a part of him that knew the doctors and Angela would attract attention. Attention that he didn't need but his son needed to get those vaccines. The doctors had mentioned that they would be coming with gifts and they also wanted a detailed update on how Alexander was doing. He had been tempted to throw his cell phone after that phone conversation but would have that achieved. It would have made him feel better for all of five minutes and after those five minutes; he would need to buy a new phone. So in a week's time the doctors and Angela would be at his apartment.

What he needed was help. He needed to know that there was someone he could depend on. Sure he had the doctors and Angela but most of time they would be thousands of miles away. He couldn't turn to friends or family. There was no one in his life that he could depend on for help. He knew that joining a support group for single parents was a possibility, but he didn't want to lie. He didn't want to tell people that his son had no mother when that just wasn't true. He had so much that he needed to get done but he wanted sleep that much more.

* * *

Looking up at the apartment building, Sam was impressed. He had expected the apartment building to be run down and in a general state of disrepair. The apartment building was just right and from what he could see was full of families. Squaring his shoulders, he looked at Bobby and asked; "You coming with".

"I'll keep watch out here in case Dean comes out of the building or walks on by." Bobby said. He knew that after two weeks of searching they had found Dean and Alexander. He also knew that the fact Dean and Alexander had been found would not make it any easier for them. Sam had to be the one who contacted Dean first.

"You can come with me." Sam said. He had got used to Bobby's presence and support. He wasn't really sure if he could search the apartment building alone. It didn't matter that he had searched numerous buildings before on his own. This time it was different. This time his future with Dean and there son was at stake.

With a brief smile of encouragement, Bobby said. "Sam one of us has to stay here just in case."

"Okay," Sam replied as he held the door to the apartment building open for a delivery person who looked to be struggling with at least a week's supply of groceries. Turning his attention to the delivery person, he asked, "Do you want any help with that."

Looking at the man who had offered to help him Stan was surprised. More often than not people would just watch him struggle with things rather than help. He wasn't about to run down a free offer of help so he replied; "Sure could you take a couple of boxes for me. We only have to go to the sixth floor and for once, the elevators are working. Names Stan short for Stanley but I prefer Stan."

"Stan who orders so much from a grocery store." Sam asked making polite conversation with Stan and delaying his search for the apartment building.

"I wasn't there when it happened but a guy came in with his kid and bought a whole bunch of stuff. Apparently, when he realized just how much he had bought he asked if it could be delivered. The manager of the store was more than willing to help so long as he paid a 20 dollar fee." Stan replied as he stepped onto the elevator with Sam.

"The manager charged him." Sam asked as he pressed the button for the sixth floor.

"Yeah the manager likes his money. I personally would have done it for free but that's only because the guy looked so damn pitiful," Stan replied as the elevator doors opened onto the sixth floor.

"Does this pitiful guy have a name?" Sam asked getting sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Could it be that Stan had been talking about Dean and his son? If that was the case, someone was looking down on him. Maybe with the exception of the spell things were looking up for him.

"Yeah it was Dean don't have a second name." Stan replied as he came to a stop outside Dean's apartment. Placing the two boxes and five bags on the floor, he gave Sam the receipt for the shopping and asked, "Could you make the final delivery. If I'm late back at the store I'll get fired."

"Yeah I don't mind." Sam said as he watched Stan walk away and use the stairs instead of taking the elevator. Taking a breath, he stared at the door and without hesitation, he knocked.

For a few minutes, he stood at the front door and listened as someone moved about the apartment. He could hear a voice but it wasn't loud enough for him to tell if it was Dean. He was about to knock again when the door was pulled by an exhausted looking Dean. For him seeing Dean was the best thing that could have happened.

Unfortunately, as soon as Dean saw it was him he slammed the door close.

Knocking on the front door again, he said; "Open the door I have your groceries".

After what seemed like hours but it was, only a few seconds the door opened. This time Dean was holding there son and giving him a look that was only usually reserved for an evil spirit. Picking up the groceries from the floor he stepped past Dean and there son. Pacing the groceries on the kitchen counter he turned back to look at Dean and there son.

After handing, the groceries to Sam Stan had chosen to take the stairs back down to the lobby. Things were really going his way fro once. It had really just been a price of luck to get Dean Winchester unto the grocery store. Actually seeing the baby the two Winchesters had managed to reduce was just an added bonus. Telling his father the good news had been better than expected. For once, he was more valued than his sister was.

His dad had told that the baby had to remain with the Winchesters but anything else short of killing the Winchesters he could do. His dad had told him that the Winchesters had to remain unharmed, but even those words had left him with possibilities. It meant that he could kill at least one of the Winchesters. There were three of them and one dead Winchester really wasn't going to make much of a difference. With a smile, he realized just how easy it had been to fool Sam.

Once he was back down in the lobby he once again plastered on the look of a hard done by delivery person and walked out of the building.

When he saw a well-known hunter and friend of the Winchester, he smiled. The day just kept getting better and better. A plan instantly formed in his mind. It was a plan that would make his dad happy. It would also give him an endless amount of fun.

"Do you know that kid who helped me with the door?" Stan asked starting a friendly conversation with Bobby and luring him into a false sense of security.

Narrowing his eyes in suspicion Bobby knew that there was something wrong with the man in front of him but he just couldn't put his finger on it. So for now he would just be civil. "Yes I do why you ask."

"He kept asking me all of these questions about some guy called Dean. When we reached, the apartment I was delivering to he went as white as a sheet and lost the power of speech. I think he could use some support." Stan said as he gently brushed a hand across Bobby's back.

His eyes briefly filled with an inky black cloud Bobby replied;"I'll go and support Sam".

"Why don't you get rid of Dean while you're there? That kid has always been more trouble than his worth."

"Dean." Sam said, as he once again looked at his son that he had helped to create. There son looked like him. He had a mop of dark hair and from what he could see there son had Dean's beautiful freckles. He wanted to hold his son, but he very much doubted if Dean was going to let that happen.

"Sam." Dean replied. He had thought that he would be safe in New York from his family but he was wrong. The last thing he wanted to do after so very little sleep was to talk to Sam.

"Dean why did you leave the clinic." Sam asked

Right now, all he wanted to do was sit down, but he couldn't do that, as his furniture wasn't going to be delivered for another two weeks. Ignoring Sam he walked though the apartment and to his son's nursery. Sitting on the rocking chair that occupied a corner of the nursery, he began to rock his son and hum Led Zeppelin. It was both to sooth his sleeping son and calm him down.

"Dean." Sam asked

"You were losing your memories again. Did you expect me to stick around for that?" Dean asked.

"I only lose my memories very other day. On the days, I can't remember anything Bobby has been playing me a video I made. It is a video of me talking about Alexander." Sam said as he reached out to touch there son, but found himself unable to complete the action.

"Lucky you." Dean sneered. He wasn't going to let Sam worm his way back into his heart. He wasn't going to give Sam another chance.

"I want to be a part of our son's life." Sam said keeping his voice quite so he wouldn't wake there son sleeping son.

Getting up from the rocking chair, he placed his still sleeping son back into his cot. Gently he pulled the duvet cover over his son until it covered him up to his chest. Switching on the small mobile above his son's mobile above his son's cot he walked back out of the nursery with Sam following close behind him. Like all other times he closed the door to his son's nursery.

Running a hand over his face in a desperate need to deny that he didn't feel like shit he said; "It's not going to happen".

"I have...

Holding up his hand to silence what Sam had been about to say, Dean said; "You are not going to play any part in our son's life until those memories are a good thing. I'm not going to let you into my son's life just because you have those memories back every other day."

"Dean it's obvious that you are barely managing. You need help." Sam said.

"Is this your way of telling me I am an unfit parent." Dean asked

"God no, Dean you look exhausted. Have you had any sleep in the last two weeks?" Sam asked. He was concerned that Dean was unnecessarily pushing himself. He knew just how stubborn Dean could be but he didn't want that stubbornness to continue at the price of Dean's health.

"Sleep shit what is that." Dean asked

"Please tell me that you have been sleeping properly." Sam asked concern evident in every word he spoke. Dean not getting enough sleep usually meant bad things happened.

"Alexander is being breastfeed and that means I'm lucky if I get more than two hours of interrupted sleep. I have spent the last two weeks getting my son's nursery completed. During the past two weeks I have also demon proofed the apartment. Furniture has been bought and paid for but it won't be delivered for another two weeks. Sleep is a luxury I can't afford." Dean snapped.

"I'm here now so you can sleep and I will look after our son." Sam said

"Oh just great Sam is here and all of my problems have been solved. What would I do if Sam wasn't here?" Dean said his sarcastic side coming out to play due to a lack of sleep.

"Dean do you have to be like this. I only want to help." Sam said

"How long is that offer of help going to last? Are you still going to be here when those memories have gone? I get that you want to help raise … our son but it's just not that easy." Dean said

"Why not." Sam asked

It was a simple question. It wasn't something he could answer with just a few words. What Sam had asked him would require a big speech and he just wasn't in the mood. He was the master of saying a few words to loaded questions. Although he couldn't answer Sam's question in a few words a few words would have to do. "You will leave again."

Anything Sam had been about to say was interrupted by someone knocking on the front door of Dean's apartment.

Being grateful fro the interruption Dean went to the front door and opened it. When he saw Bobby standing there, he was more than tempted to tell Bobby to fuck of. He could just have to be the adult in all of this. Turning to look at Sam, he said in a voice that held no room for argument. "Stay in the apartment but don't go into Alexander's nursery. I don't need you to wake him up."

He stepped out of the apartment closing the door behind him. He trusted Sam enough to be left alone in the apartment with his son but Bobby was a different matter. Bobby had taken so much from him and couldn't be trusted.

"Its good to see you and Sam together, but you have to know its not going to last." Bobby said. It was just going to be so easy to kill Dean. Easy and enjoyable.

"I have you to thank for that don't I. What do you want Bobby." Dean said. He was anxious to be reunited with his son. He knew that despite his warning Sam would go into the nursery.

"Can't a friend visit?" Bobby asked. A dagger would make too much of a mess if he used that to kill Dean. A gun was too loud. That left telekinesis he would squeeze Dean's heart and not leave a mark on his body. With a smirk, he slowly began to squeeze Dean's heart gently at first so Dean would put the pain down to heartburn.

Rubbing his chest Dean felt an unusual pain but it was nothing to worry about. Looking at Bobby a moment to late he completely missed the inky blackness that briefly filled Bobby's eyes. In a clam voice, he asked. "You're not a friend."

In reply Bobby squeezed Dean's Heart that much harder.

Dean fell to his knees holding a hand to his chest and cursing his complete stupidity. Did he forget, even if it was just for a few seconds that there was a demon who wanted his son? His apartment was sanctuary against the demon. He had left that sanctuary the minute he had stepped out into the hallway to talk to Bobby. The one moment of forgetfulness was going to get him killed.

"That's not a nice thing to say to a family friend." Bobby sneered as he kept up the pressure on Dean's heart.

"Your not Bobby and you are not going to get my son." Dean said now unable to stop the moans of pain from escaping his lips.

"That clever deduction isn't going to get you far. You're going to die Dean and in a few short months we will have the baby." Bobby sneered as he gave Deans heart one final fatal squeeze. He watched with great satisfaction as the great Dean Winchester fell to the floor with a thud, dead.

While walking away from Dean he ignored the screams coming from inside the apartment. He had achieved all that he had wanted to.


	34. Chapter 33

He was torn.

More than anything, he wanted to walk into his son's nursery. He wanted to see the son who for two weeks had been a part of his every thought and any conversation he had with Bobby. He wanted to hold his son and just savoir the feeling of being close to the son he helped to conceive.

With the same amount of feeling, he wanted to be with Dean. He had the feeling that who ever Dean was talking to wasn't there for a good reason. No matter how much he may want to be with Dean he could not leave his son alone in the apartment. He knew from experience that Dean was more than capable of dealing with his visitor. He was still unsure of just how demon proof the apartment was.

That was the last thought he had before an indescribable amount of pain drove him to his knees.

The pain raced though his mind and the entire length of his body causing him to curl into a foetal position. He bit his lip to stop from screaming out, as he didn't want to wake his son. When he could taste the blood in his mouth from where he had bitten though his lip he gave into the urge to scream. He screamed so loudly that he was sure he had woken his son. All of that pain lasted for only a few seconds but for him it had felt like hours. Once the painful experience of regaining his memories was over, he staggered to his feet.

Once he was standing up, he rushed into his son's nursery. His son was still asleep. It was with a smile that he realized his son shared Dean's ability to sleep though anything. Then as quick, as it had appeared the smile fell from his lips. He had his memories back. Nothing could take them from now that the spell had been permanently broken. Having his memories back on a permanent basis could only mean one thing.

Dean was dead.

With a speed that would surprise those who knew him he ran back though the apartment and pulled open the front door. What he saw laying sprawled out on the floor broke his heart. It was Dean and he looked as if he was sleeping. There wasn't a mark on him. With a shaking hand he leant forward and placed his hand on Dean's neck checking for a pulse. There wasn't one.

With his mind now working on long ingrained skills he dragged Dean back into the apartment slamming the door shut behind him. As there wasn't a single piece of furniture in the apartment, he couldn't make Dean comfortable. He couldn't make any of what he was about to do easier for Dean. . It was with a textbook procedure that he tilted Dean's head back slightly to open Dean's airway. He then put upward pressure on the jaw to pull it forward and while he was doing that, he kept mumbling apologies to Dean. He knew that reassuring Dean, it wasn't going to hurt and he was being as gentle as possible wouldn't make a blind bit of difference, but it comforted him. He then pinched Dean's nostrils and placed his mouth tightly over the Dean's mouth. He blew two quick breaths and watched closely for Dean's chest to rise.

Nothing happened.

"Fuck Dean don't do this to me. I can't do this on my own."

Unable to hold back his tears he continued with his attempt to breathe life back into Dean. After another two minutes of breathing for Dean, something happened. There was the unmistakeable movement of Dean's chest moving up and down. Allowing the hope to once again raise he checked Dean's pulse. When he felt a slow steady pulse, he smiled. All he had to do now was wait for Dean to wake up.

* * *

He had patiently waited outside the apartment building for nearly two hours. He had given Sam more than enough time to be reacquainted with Dean and Alexander. He had better patience than most men did, but that didn't mean he was going to spend the rest of the day waiting for Sam. He had to know if Sam was going to stay with Dean and Alexander.

New York was a big city and there were a few places he wanted to see. It was rare that he had the chance to take time away from the hunt so this wasn't and opportunity to be missed. Drawing himself up to his full height, he walked up the stairs to the apartment building before stopping at the entrance. He had not idea what apartment was Dean's.

Reaching into his coat pocket, he took out his cell phone. Flipping it open, he dialled Sam's number. He was thankful that before they had begun the journey to New York he had bought Sam a new cell phone. For a few minutes, the ringing was all he heard. Then after those few minutes, he heard muffled sounds and then finally Sam's voice.

"Sam how is it going," Bobby asked ignoring the steady stream of curse words coming from Sam. He wasn't going to ask why he couldn't hear Dean's voice in the background. He didn't want to hear anymore bad news.

"Memories are permanently back." Sam said never once taking his eyes of a still unconscious Dean. HE had no idea what he was going to do if Dean never woke up.

"How," Bobby asked as he walked into the apartment building. The time he wanted away from the hunt would just have to wait. Dean, Sam and Alexander were far more important.

"Dean died." Sam said as he reached out to touch Dean. He needed to reassure himself that Dean was still alive but just touching Dean wasn't enough. He needed Dean to wake up. He needed Dean "I felt so much pain. It was like a thousand and one needles being driven though every sensitive part of my body."

"How did it happen?" Bobby asked because there was no easy way to ask how did Dean die.

"I don't know. I'm not sure if I even want to know the answer to that question. I found … Dean lying outside the apartment. There wasn't a mark on him Bobby. If it hadn't been for the permanent return of my memories I would have thought he was asleep." Sam said as he got up from the floor and went to his son's nursery.

"What apartment are you in." Bobby asked as he pressed the button for the elevator. For some reason he knew that, Dean's apartment wasn't on the ground floor.

"Apartment 34, sixth floor," Sam said as he hung up on Bobby. Everything else he had to say to Bobby could wait until he got to the apartment.

* * *

Once Sam had hung up on him, he placed the cell phone back in his pocket. When the elevator doors opened, he stepped inside and pressed the button for the sixth floor. As the elevator doors closed and began its journey to the sixth floor, he had a sense of déjà vu. It was as if he had been to Dean's apartment before.

When the doors opened to the sixth floor, he stepped out and made his way to Dean's apartment. Standing outside the apartment the feeling of having been here before intensified. Raising his hand, he knocked on the front door and listened to the sounds coming from inside the apartment. He could hear Sam's voice talking to someone but he couldn't hear a second voice reply.

Then the apartment door opened.

Sam was standing before him gently holding what he could only assume to be Alexander. When Sam stepped to one side, he walked into the apartment. It wasn't until Sam had closed the apartment door that he noticed the prone figure of Dean lying on the floor. Stepping further into the apartment, he looked more closely at Dean. Just as Sam had told him, there wasn't a mark on Dean. "Shouldn't he be more comfortable?" Bobby asked. The strangest sense of guilt came over him, but he had nothing to feel guilty for.

"There isn't anywhere I can make him comfortable. The only furnished room in this entire apartment in the nursery. I can't put Dean in there." Sam said as he began to rub small soothing circles on his now awake son's back. He had no damn idea what he was going to do if Alexander needed to be fed in the next few minutes.

"Furniture," Bobby asked taking of his coat neatly folding it and gently placing it underneath Dean's head.

"It won't be delivered for two weeks. Bobby what am I going to do if he never wakes up." Sam asked.

"Not going to happen. Dean has been though to much shit in the last few months for this to stop him. Before you know it Dean will be awake and pissing us all of. Nothing keeps Dean down for to long." Bobby reassured.

"I wish I had your faith." Sam admitted.

* * *

John Winchester had never been a man who accepted the word no easily. In his lifetime the only people to ever tell, him no had been Mary and a marine captain. To have his oldest son ban him from having any contact with Alexander had been galling.

The intentions he originally had about seeing Alexander for that first time had not been as pure as they could have been. Speaking to Dean his main focus had been for what he wanted. He only wanted an end to the demon that had killed his beloved wife. He had seen Alexander as another weapon to be used in the hunt. At the time, he had seen Alexander as nothing more than another instrument he could use.

Now he wanted to be a grandfather. He wanted to be the grandfather that spoiled his grandson rotten. He had so much that he needed to make up for. It would be so damn hard to get Dean to let him near his grandson. He was willing to do anything to be a part of Dean and his grandson's life. The only problem he had was that he had now idea of there whereabouts. He knew that after his conversation with Dean they would not be with Bobby. He knew without a doubt that Dean would go underground.

Dean would choose to live with Alexander in the one place he wouldn't go near.

There were very few places that he was unwilling to go. During the many hunts he had done, he had travelled across America. There was just one place that he had never been to more than once. New York. The memories he had of the hunt he did in New York were okay. They were nothing special or even memorable. It was the accident he had while leaving the city. Even though his trip to New York had been ten years ago he still had the scars of that accident.

New York would be the city he found Dean and his grandson in. All he had to do was make the journey to New York without Dean finding out.


	35. Chapter 34

The way in which Dean refers to Alexander as his son is intentional.

* * *

He opened his eyes and immediately shut them again when the brightness of the room proved to be too much. He tired to move his legs so that he could get up from the floor but he just didn't have the energy. It was frustrating to be awake but not even have the energy to move a finger. So he does the only thing he is capable of doing and listens to the sounds of his apartment.

The first voice he hears is Sam's and despite all the shit that he has gone though in the last few months hearing Sam's voice made him happy. It left him with a warm feeling inside that he had not felt in a few weeks. The second voice left him feeling cold. It was Bobby's voice. At this moment in time, Bobby was one of the few people he couldn't tolerate. Bobby was the reason he was laying on the damn floor of his apartment. Bobby was near his son and that sent a shiver of fear though him. He knew that Sam could be trusted with his son because despite everything that had happened Sam would never hurt a baby.

Bobby wasn't someone he could place that same amount of trust. He has to get up of the floor. It didn't matter that he no energy and he feels like his been put though a meat grinder, he has to get up of the floor. Summoning an unknown energy reserve that he knew he would pay for dearly later on he got onto his feet.

"Dean." Sam said unable to utter more than one word because what he had just witnessed happen shouldn't be possible. Just a few short hours ago, Dean had been dead. Seeing Dean standing up as if his death had never happened was a shock.

Dean licked his lips and tried to focus on remaining standing. As casually as he could manage, he walked over to the kitchen counter and once there leaned against it for support. Eyeing Bobby with disdain with two words, he told Bobby. "Get Out."

"Excuse me." Bobby asked unsure that he had even heard Dean correctly.

"Get of my apartment. Stay the fuck away from my son." Dean said. It was taking every inch of his willpower and energy to remain standing. He wasn't willing to relax until Bobby was out of the apartment and nowhere near his son.

"Dean what's wrong." Bobby asked. He knew from one look at Sam that he would have to be the one to ask questions.

Desperately wishing for a weapon of any kind, he tried sound like he wasn't seconds from lashing out at Bobby when he said. "I don't want you near my son."

"Why not. I haven't done anything to hurt you or Alexander." Bobby said. Dean had forgiven him for his part in the spell so why was Dean now being so hostile towards him.

Absentmindly rubbing his chest Dean replied. "You have been to this apartment before."

"This is the first time I've set foot in this apartment. When I got her you were still lying on the floor." Bobby said

"You were possessed and I knew it wasn't you that… did … Dean trailed of unable to tell Bobby that he had been the one to kill him.

"Dean, you know that there I no way I can be possessed. I have charms and all kinds of protective stuff on me." Bobby said. He had always been left unscathed. It was impossible for him to be possessed and because of that; he couldn't be responsible for Dean's current state.

"The charms are worthless. I want you out of this apartment." Dean said

"Dean Bobby has spent the last two weeks with me looking for you and our son. You can't kick him out of the apartment after all he has done to help us." Sam said keeping his voice calm and soothing so he wouldn't upset there still peaceful son.

He wanted to be angry with Sam for defending Bobby but he couldn't. Sam wasn't the one he should be blaming for how he felt towards Bobby. He knew that it was slightly irrational of him to blame Bobby for something he had while possessed. He needed to have a target for his anger and Bobby was that chosen target. Taking a deep breath and immediately regretting it because of the pain in his chest he said. "I stood outside this apartment with Bobby and …

"And. " Sam prompted as he took several steps away from Bobby and moved closer to Dean. He knew that whatever hidden energy reserve was keeping Dean upright was not going to last.

"Something ha possessed Bobby and squeezed my heart with some mind power shit until it stopped beating." Dean said

"You can't seriously blame me for that." Bobby asked a very big party of him refusing to believe that he was responsible for Dean's death and current state of health.

"I look at you and see someone who killed me with a smile on his face. I can't look at you without suppressing a shudder at what you did to me. You need to get out of my apartment." Dean said. He could feel his legs begin to shake and he knew it was just a matter of seconds before his legs gave out on him and he fell to the floor.

"Dean…

"Just get out." Dean said

"I'll leave, but I will be back." Bobby said. He could understand why dean felt the way he did, but it didn't mean he had to like it. He knew that the time had come for Sam and Dean to have some time alone with there son.

He wanted to tell Bobby that he wasn't wanted back at the apartment or anywhere near, his son but he just didn't have the energy. He just watched as Bobby picked up his jacket of the floor and walked out of the apartment. As soon as the door closed and he knew there was no chance of Bobby coming back he finally gave into the exhaustion that had been plaguing him.

* * *

Bobby walked away from the apartment and instead of taking the elevator back down to the lobby, he took the stairs. Half way down the stairs, he came to a complete halt. Taking out his cell phone he very quickly punched in a number that only he and Dean knew. He listens to the ringing and comes very close to ending the phone call before it could even begin but this wasn't something he could put of.

"Hello." Bobby said as someone finally answered.

"Bobby what do you want." John asked. He knew that he had no right to be so angry with Bobby but he couldn't help it. Most of what bobby had said to him the last time they met still weighed heavily upon his mind.

"I know you re looking for Dean and Alexander. They can be found in new York." Bobby said

"I figured as much. Why are you telling me this Bobby? What has happened for you to tell me where they are?" John asked. Just a few short weeks ago, Bobby had threatened to kill him if he hurt Dean or Alexander. His oldest friend had promised to hurt him in all manner of different ways if he even though about contacting Dean or Alexander again.

"It's complicated. How did you know they were in New York?" Bobby asked

"New York is the only place I never took the boys to. It's also the one hunt that I never told them about. Where are they in New York?" John asked. It would be useless if he didn't know exactly were Dean and Alexander were in New York. Useless as it would take him weeks or even months to search a city as large as New York.

"An apartment building called Redd. Dean's apartment is on the sixth floor number 34." Bobby said.

"Thank you bobby." John said.

"Do me a favour John, don't fuck this up again." Bobby said as he ended the phone call before John could offer a reply. Walking down the final three flights of stairs he knew what he had done was the right thing. Despite knowing that it didn't make him feel any better.

* * *

Sam watched as Dean fell to the floor and for a brief moment, he thought that return consciousness and life was over with. He stood frozen to the spot. He wanted to move but the fear of finding Dean dead again was not something he wanted to do. Watching Dean fall to the ground he could be selfish and ignore the voice screaming at him to move his ass to help Dean before he hit the floor. It wasn't until Dean hit the floor of the apartment that he finally found it within himself to move. Keeping a careful, gentle hold on there son, he sat on the floor next to a still conscious Dean.

"Hey." Sam said reaching out to touch Dean but withdrawing his hand at the very last second. He wasn't sure if Dean was willing or even ready to accept his touch.

Opening his eyes Dean looked at Sam holding his son and a rush of emotion went though him. This wasn't a moment that he had ever hoped to see. He wanted to hold his son but he knew in his current condition that there was every chance he could drop his son. He did the next best thing and settled for just being close to his son. He held out his hand and gently touched his son' finger only for Alexander to grab hold of it. He knew that it was common for a bay to grab hold of a person's finger with such a strong grip, but it still made him smile.

"Strong grip." Dean muttered as he leaned on Sam letting his headrest on Sam's shoulder.

Sam didn't want to interrupt the peaceful moment but he had to let Dean know that he wasn't going anywhere. He wanted Dean to know that nothing was going to separate them again. "Dean I have my memories back presently."

"Permanently." Dean repeated. He knew that he had been dead for only a few minutes but it had been long enough for Sam's memories to remain a permanent thing. With everything that happened in the last few months' good news like this was a rare thing.

"Yeah nothing is going to separate us again." Sam said.

Dean couldn't help but smile Sam had just spoken with such conviction he very nearly believed that everything was going to be okay. He didn't want to piss all over Sam's conviction but he had to be realistic. He couldn't ignore the less than nice side of there life's. Closing his eyes and then opening them again so that he wouldn't fall asleep Dean said; "You can't promise m that."

"Yes I can. Dean there is nothing to keep us from being a family." Sam said

He couldn't believe that after the life Sam had lead he was still so damn naïve about certain things. They couldn't just settle into family life just because Sam had his memories back. Life wasn't that easy. Gently stroking his son's cheek with one finger, he asked. "What bout college."

"Man how many times do I have to tell you that I'm not going back to college. I have taken all of my exams and I have two months before I have to go back." Sam said pleased that Dean was still using him as a leaning post. It meant that there was still a part of Dean that trusted him.

"Have to go back, that means you are going back." Dean said.

"Dean." Sam began to say before pausing to think for a few seconds. He had promised Dean countless times before hat he wouldn't leave, but in the end, that was exactly what he had ended up doing "I'm going to take my college course online. I have nothing to go back for."

"You can't take time of college." Dean said

"Why not the college is more than willing to allow me to continue taking my college course online. I'm staying with you and our son. I promise you nothing will separate us. We are going to be a family. We will make a fresh start in New York." Sam said.

"What about this normal life." Dean asked as he closed his eyes again keeping them shut for only a few seconds. He wanted to sleep, but he couldn't when Alexander still needed to be fed and he had food that needed to be put away.

"What I have now is normal for me. Our son, our relationship and this new life we will have together that's all I want." Sam said

"Alexander needs to be feed. He was asleep when I got back from shopping for food and furniture. I didn't want to wake him." Dean said failing to stop the yawn

"Well where is Alex's milk. I'll feed him and you can get some sleep." Sam said

"There is a bottle of breast milk on the kitchen counter you'll have to use that. I can't feed him because I'll fall asleep before his finished." Dean said. If he had been more awake and slightly more aware, he wouldn't have been so casual about breast-feeding his son.

"Breast milk." Sam asked with a smile.

"According to books it's the best thing for a baby to have. My son gets the best." Dean said as he closed his eyes for the last time and gave into his desperate need for sleep.

He was about to ask Dean another question about breast milk and the whole weirdness of Dean actually breastfeeding when one look at Dean stooped him. Dean was fast asleep, but there son still had a firm grip on one of Dean's fingers. With a smile, he gently removed this son's hold of Dean's finger.

"Dean." Sam whispered keeping his voice low. He wanted Dean to be aware enough to move into a more comfortable position. He knows that as he is holding Alexander he wouldn't be able to move Dean on his own.

"Mmmph." Dean mumbled on the very edge of sleep and incapable of forming words that made any real sense.

"I'm going to have to get up and feed our son." Sam said. With one hand placed on the kitchen counter wall behind him for support, he gets up from the floor. As quickly as possible, he eases Dean to the floor as he gets up. It doesn't look like the most comfortable position to be in.

Looking around the empty apartment Sam realizes one thing. The damn furniture needs to be here tomorrow and not two weeks.


	36. Chapter 35

**Notes:**Alan is a name that is being used for the Yellow eyed demon. I found this easier than writing the yellow eyed demon or YED.

**Notes:**A death happens in this chapter so don't read if that bothers you.

* * *

Alexander had been fed diaper changed and had a new set of clothes put on him.

The clothes his son was now wearing consisted of a blue pair of trousers, socks and the smallest Led Zeppelin t-shirt he had ever seen. He knew that it was possible to get the Led Zeppelin Logo and almost anything but even he had to admit that a baby sized Led Zeppelin T-shirt was new for him. It also looked adorable on his young son.

The t-shirt was just a small sign of just how much Alexander was going to be like Dean.

With a gentleness that his college friends and Jessica would not associate with him, he placed his son into the buggy. A buggy that was not one of those cheap ass ones that fell apart after just two weeks. This buggy was the equivalent of a Rolls Royce. It was a buggy that could be used for longer than six months. Once he was complete satisfied that Alexander was secure and comfortable he began to search for a piece of paper.

After ten minutes searching and having a son that was beginning to protest at being kept, still his search for paper was still ongoing. Noticing the groceries bag, that still had to be unpacked on the kitchen counter he tore of a piece of the grocery bag. It wasn't one of the best things to write on but it would have to do. With a pen that had seen better days and was running low on ink he wrote a quick note telling Dean he had gone out with there son. Once he had finished writing the note, he placed it on the floor next to Dean's face. He knew that leaving the apartment with Alexander would worry Dean but the furniture situation needed to be sorted out. Taking a firm hold of the buggy, he walked out of the apartment. It didn't even occur to him that he should have some sort of supernatural protection charm for Alexander.

When Bobby called him, he had been just three hours travelling distance from New York. That was of course three hours travelling distance sticking to the speed limit and driving in a nice calm manner. He made it to New York in just 90 minutes by breaking the speed limit and being a mean bastard to anyone who looked at home wrong. For once, in his life, he hadn't been a careful driver and it was only be sheer dumb luck that he wasn't arrested.

Now he was standing outside the Redd apartment block. The truck he had driven like a bat out of hell to get to New York was currently being looked after by a couple of local kids. He wasn't stupid or naïve to believe that the kids wouldn't attempt to steal the truck. He had taken the necessary precaution to prevent that action by describing in detail what would happen if there were so much as a scratch on the truck. He had taken a great deal of satisfaction in how pale and frightened the kids had looked when he had left them guarding his truck.

With a determination that he didn't really feel he walked into the apartment building and instead of taking the elevator, he took the stairs. While walking up the stairs he began to think of what he could say to his sons. How could he put into words just how sorry he was for putting his sons though so much pain and misery? He couldn't even begin of how he could re-connect with his sons. What he had done to his sons was unforgivable and he would be lucky if he made it out of the apartment alive. Opening the door that led onto the sixth floor, he tried to appear confident. He wanted to look like he could deal with whatever was about to happen. Walking down the hallway, he began to look at each door as he passed. When he found Dean's apartment he came to a complete stop. For several minutes, he just stood outside the apartment. After those minutes were over, he knocked on the front door of the apartment.

After a couple of minutes of knocking on the door, he stooped knocking and listened to any sounds coming from within the apartment. There was complete silence. The type of silence that just wasn't normal with a young baby. It was perfectly possible that no one was in but for a reason he couldn't pinpoint he knew that someone was in the apartment. He briefly thought about knocking on the door again but that would just be a waste of time. With a silent apology to whoever was in the apartment, he picked the lock and opened the door. Steeping into the apartment, he immediately noticed Dean lying on the floor. He knew from long held experience that Dean was asleep. He had to admit that it was slightly unnerving to see his usually so active son so damn still. Closing the door behind him so that he could have some privacy with his son, he took another step forward.

With Dean let out what could only be described as a painful moan he moved with startling quickness. Sitting down next to Dean so he could put Dean's head in his lap he noticed a small hand written note. Absent-mindedly he ran his hand though Dean's hair and memories of the past flooded though him. He could remember being in the same position with Dean when Dean had a bad case of the flu aged seven. It had been a rough three days. He was drawn out his memories when Dean's moans became words.

"Sammy." Dean mumbled not trusting himself to open his eyes. He just wanted to relax for a while. He could trust Sam with there son so what was the harm if he just enjoyed a few minutes of relaxation.

It did occur to him that he could just be quiet but that thought was quickly dismissed. He knew that no matter what he said it wouldn't be welcome. "Sam isn't here."

"Dad," Dean asked even though it was pretty damn obvious who had just spoken "What are you doing here. Where are Sam and Alexander?"

"According to the note Sam has taken Alexander out to sort out a furniture problem." John said as he let go of the hold he had on Dean so that Dean could sit up.

"You didn't answer my question." Dean said

"Bobby phoned me two hours ago telling me where I could find you and Alexander. He also told me not to fuck things up." John said

He wanted to angry with his dad for turning up at the apartment without a single word of warning. He had spent the last few weeks with Alexander running from his dad. He had even settled in New York believing that it was the one place his dad wouldn't follow him to. He knew that he couldn't keep running or hiding from his dad. He had to think how he wanted his life with Alexander and Sam to be like. He had to put aside all of his lingering doubts and objections to his dad being in Alexander's life. Despite knowing, that it didn't mean that he was going to go easy on his dad. "Did he tell you what happened?"

"I asked Bobby why he was calling but he just told me it was complicated." John admitted. He knew that Sam was now in contact with Dean, from the note that he had found on the floor. It meant that the spell had been broken. A spell that Bobby had insisted was unbreakable.

"Sam..., the spell took Sam from my bedside. One minute he was there supporting me and in the next he wasn't. Bobby visited me at the clinic a few days later. He told me that the spell had a get out clause." Dean said

"Bobby told me that the spell couldn't be broken, but obviously he was lying. What was this get out clause?" John asked. He wanted to know how Bobby had been able to work in a get out clause into such a complicated spell.

"I had to die." Dean said. He could his dad a long complicated explanation about the get out clause and just how the spell had been broken. There were just some things he wasn't ready to share.

"How did you die?" John asked

"It's not something you need to know. Sam has his memories back. He has all of these plans on how we are going to be a family." Dean said. It felt good to be talking to his dad again. Despite feeling relaxed around his dad, he wasn't going to let his guard down completley. He wasn't going to leave his dad alone with Alexander.

"Isn't it a good thing?" John asked. There were so many questions that he had for Dean but he wasn't going to ask them. He wanted a relationship with Dean again and he was willing to do almost anything to achieve that.

"Sam has these illusions that being a family will be easy. He hasn't even given any serious thought to the Yellow Eyed Demon." Dean said.

"Son being a family is never an easy thing to do. Given how I raised you both, I'm sure Sam knows that. Sam wants to be a family and he will use that as a reason to stop hunting." John said immediately regretting the way his words came out. If he had the chance to live his life, again he would have given his son's a childhood. A childhood that was normal.

He knew that he could use his dad's words to start an argument but he couldn't afford to act like a scared child. As much as it pained him to admit, a reaction to his dad's words would have been one of anger and hatred. There was still a big part of him that couldn't forgive his dad for the spell or the piss poor attitude. Then there was the sensible part of him that couldn't afford to shut his dad out of his life. He knew that if he did that he would come to regret it in later years. With a grim smile, he said. "I made all these plans that didn't include Sam or the hunt. Do you remember how I told you I wanted Alexander to have a normal childhood?"

"Yes." John said the memories of just how badly he had treated his eldest son coming to the forefront of his mind.

"I spent two weeks writing protection spells, words and symbols onto to every surface of this apartment. I demon proofed this apartment but that's not going to be enough is it." Dean asked hoping that just once his dad would lie to him.

"Dean you and Sam are going to face some hard trails as parents, but you will succeed. Alexander will be safe. The Yellow Eyed demon isn't going to be a problem." John said

Dean assessed all of what his dad had just said with one simple word. "Lair."

"Dean the life you have with Sam and Alexander doesn't have to include the hunt." John said. They were not words he would have spoken just a few short weeks ago but things had changed. He couldn't expect his sons to carry on with was essentially his hunt. His sons and grandson deserved to have a normal family life.

With a crocked smile, Dean asked. "Who are you and what have you done to with my dad."

Laughing despite the seriousness of the situation John replied. "I have just accepted what I should have done months ago."

"The demon will come after us. All of the plans I had for a new life with Alexander are never going to get a chance to succeed. It was just wishful thinking. I can't keep Alexander safe." Dean said. For his entire pregnancy and the first few weeks of his son's life, he had been so full of plans for the future. He had dreams of a normal life with his son. Despite all that, he had done and achieved with his son he knew the dreams he had for the future were never going to happen.

"Son you are more than capable of keeping Alexander safe. The worries you have are normal. There isn't a single parent alive who doesn't have doubts about there abilities as a parent." John said attempting to reassure his son.

"I don't doubt my abilities as a parent. I have spent the last few weeks taking care of my son. I can keep Alexander safe from normal everyday things but the supernatural is a different matter. What do you think will happen when other hunters find out about Alexander's existence? It's not just other hunters. Supernatural shit is going to be drawn to Alexander."

"Other hunters will accept Alexander." John said

"Bullshit it took you months to accept Alexander and he is your grandson." Dean said.

"Dean other hunters just look on Alexander as your son by a woman. They won't have to know you carried him for 30 weeks. They don't have to know." John said.

Getting up from the floor a lot slower than he would have liked he began to pace back and forth. He wanted to have the easy answers to his life. Looking at his dad who was now standing as well, he said. "I can't keep Alexander's birth a secret. You of all people should know that hunters will always know the details about other hunters." Pausing for breath to try to calm himself, he tried not to sound so upset and frustrated. "I can't put Alexander in that situation."

"If you want a family life that is exactly what you will have to do. The normal life is never going to be easy." John said

"I… I know. I want a normal life, but I can't shake this feeling that something bad is going to happen." Dean said.

It had been a frustrating two hours. He had every intention of remaining calm when speaking to the manager of the store Dean had bought the furniture from. That intention had lasted all of ten minutes when the manager began to get snotty. The manager began to treat him as if he was low on the intelligence scale. That had just reminded him of his dad. In a calm voice, he had quoted several little known laws and the stores own policy on customer satisfaction to get what he wanted. It had been satisfying to see the manager give into his demands. The furniture that Dean had been told would take two weeks to deliver would now be delivered the next day.

To compensate all the trouble he had gone though he was given an extra set of expensive bed linen. He would have preferred the money but he knew the manager of the store would only bend so far. With all that he had achieved with the furniture situation, he was happy. To celebrate that achievement he had found a small coffee shop that was just a ten-minute walk away from the apartment. After ordering a coffee, he found a table at the shop and finally relaxed.

* * *

"Cute kid." Alan said. It really was just a good day fro him today. First, he had been able to kill Dean Winchester painfully and slowly. Now Sam the baby Winchester was sitting in front of him. It would be so easy to just take the kid and kill Sam but he wanted to have fun.

"Who are you?" Sam immediately asked. He knew that he was being rude to the man but with what had happened in the last few weeks needed to be careful.

"Alan Davies my cousin owns the coffee shop." Alan said as he took a seat opposite Sam and sat down on it. If he could, he would be smiling at the opportunity that had just been presented to him. He really messes with Samuel's mind.

"How long has your cousin owned the shop?" Sam asked as he moved his son closer to him.

"Three years she told my aunt that New York was the place to sell good coffee. She said New Yorkers were the only ones who could appreciate good coffee. I personally think that New York has far too many coffee shops. So what is the baby's name?" Alan asked

"Alexander." Sam replied. There was something about Alan that put him on edge.

"Defender of man." Alan said. He was confident that if he could just get hold of the baby Samuel wouldn't be able to stop him from leaving. Taking the bay would drive a wedge between the two Winchesters brothers.

With a weary smile, Sam said, "Not many people know that."

"People don't notice a lot of things in this city. They don't notice the man in the street who claims to be the Devil. People walk past the man on the street who speaks about the end of days just put the man's words down to the ravings of mad man." Alan said.

"All talk of Devils and end of the world stuff is the work of writers." Sam said feigning complete ignorance of the supernatural. Alan wasn't who he appeared to be and in his world that meant trouble.

Leaning forward slightly Alan said. "You would think that it was just some writer's imagination. Truth is all of those horror movies are based on a small amount of fact."

"How can you be so sure?" Sam asked silently cursing himself for not having some sort of protection against the supernatural. He was weapon less and unable to protect his son. Those few short months at college had dulled his natural instincts against the supernatural. It was stupid and it had put his son in danger.

"At this point in the conversation I could lie but what would be the point. Samuel you should never have left college. Those memories of yours should have remained locked up in that little mind. It would have been so easy to break Dean Winchester but you just had to remember everything. Well I can't have that." Alan said

Sam made a move to get up out of his seat and take his son back to the apartment but he found himself unable to move. He desperately tried to move an arm so he could least reach out and touch his son, but found even that small simple action was beyond him. With a look that if he had the power it would have been able to kill he said. "Leave me and my son alone."

"You are in no position to demand anything," Alan said. Acting as if it was the most natural thing in the world, he removed Alexander from the buggy.

"Put my son back in his buggy." Sam demanded the worry he felt giving over to full-blown panic.

Holding Alexander as if he was a doting Uncle Alan replied. "Dean would have made sure that Alexander had a protective charm that wouldn't let me touch him. Dean knows how much this baby means to me but you don't have the faintest idea."

"Why don't you give me and idea?" Sam asked. He desperately tried to move any part of his body but having no success. He wanted to reach across the table and take back his son.

"A baby born of the two Winchester sons is just too good an opportunity to pass up. This baby could be used to lead my army when the time comes but that would take time. Dean knew that if I got hold of Alexander I would raise him as my own or kill him. Being evil, I don't really raise kids. Killing is more of my kind of thing." Alan said as he gently ran a thumb over Alexander's smooth head.

"You will not harm a single hair on my sons head." Sam said

"Samuel what you want is of no importance." Dropping his voice to a whisper, he added, "Killing Alexander will be one of the more entertaining things I have done."

Tears of grief pain and utter frustration running feely down his face Sam said. "You can't kill my son."

"Your son. The entire time we have been talking, it has been nothing but my son. You never once said our son. Anyone would think that Dean played no part in Alexander creation. Are you that ashamed of Dean?" Alan asked. Now that he had determined that killing, Alexander was the only option he had left messing with Samuel was just an added bonus.

"Dean is everything to me. I would do anything for him." Sam said

""Bullshit you are one of those people who do nothing but take. I bet you have even turned this whole situation around so that you are the wronged victim. Ending Alexander's life will be a gift." Alan said

"Gift how in gods name can you call killing my son fucking gift." Sam spat out.

"You get that nice normal life. Alexander's life before he has the chance to live. The added bonus to all of this is that Dean will never forgive you. The death of a child always drives a wedge between the parents." Alan said as he got up from his seat still holding the baby.

"I want my son back." Sam said

"If that was true why haven't you screamed out for help? Why haven't you uttered an exorcism spell? Why is that you have just sat there talking to me. You know what I am going to do to Alexander but other than a few words, you have done nothing. Killing Alexander will be a gift because it's more than obvious you are not equipped to be a parent." Alan said.

"Please don't do this." Sam begged. He wasn't above begging or pleading for his son's safety. It was also shaming to admit that what the demon had said was true. The exorcism spells he once knew were strangely absence from his mind. He knew that screaming for help wouldn't be a wise thing to do. Most of the people in the coffee shop would automatically dismiss him as a crazy man.

"Please is one of those words people like to use but never mean." Alan coolly replied. There were so many ways he could kill Alexander and most of them were violent. For just this one time and because he was in a good mood he would make Alexander's death a quick one.

"I'll do anything just put my son back in his buggy and walk away." Sam pleaded.

"As tempting as that sounds, no." Alan said even though he really didn't have to reply to Samuel pathetic reply. With a rare show of gentleness, he kissed the top of Alexander's head. As soon as his lips touched Alexander's head he took what kept the baby alive. He took Alexander's soul, life and left nothing but an empty shell behind. Carefully he placed Alexander's still body back in the buggy, taking extra care when doing up the straps. Focusing all of his attention back onto Sam he said. "You get to tell what happened here. If I was you I would lie about how I just there and let Alexander be killed."


	37. Chapter 36

**Notes:**I'd like to say sorry for how late I have been in posting this chapter

**Notes:**I'd like to say sorry for how late I have been in posting this chapter. I kept re-writing the entire chapter, as I was satisfied with the finished result. This chapter was hard to write, because I know from experience how people cope with loss in different ways. I wanted to put this across in the fics and I hope that I have achieved that. The ending of this chapter was going to be a happy one, but I felt that would have been the quick and easy way of doing things.

**Notes:**I was going to bring the crossroads demon into the chapter, but I thought it would serve the story better if the crossroads demon made an appearance in the next chapter.

**Notes:**I am working on a new chapter. There are also a few swear words in this chapter.

**Notes: **To theSarcasticShrew, thank you for your opinion. It was valued and I have pointed out many times that my spelling is not great and only the first ten chapters have been beta read. You are correct in saying that I should stop writing until I can do so without mistakes. I won't post anything on this fic again until I have improved on my writing. Thank you once again for pointing out what must have been obvious to everyone, but me.

* * *

He takes a breath to calm his nerves. His not the least bit surprised when that simple action doesn't work. He then closes his eyes, squeezing them painfully shut to stop the tears from falling. He can feel the scream working its way up his throat but ruthlessly bites his lip to stop any sound from escaping. With one hand, he gently pushes his son's pushchair. It's an action that will no longer bring any comfort, but a bone deep sadness. He wants to turn back so that he can relive the day. He wants a chance to bring his son back. He wants the life he had planned with Dean and his son back.

He is never going to get that chance. The longer he sits in the coffee shop refusing to accept that his son is dead the harder it will be to tell Dean. He doesn't want to tell Dean that his son is dead. He doesn't want to admit how it happened.

With smooth steady movement, he gets up from the seat. Ignoring all of the other coffee shop customers, he walks back out onto the street. For a few minutes, he just stands outside the coffee shop. He looks at his son and for a moment, hope swells his heart. His son looks as if he is sleeping peacefully. Then he notices that his son is just too still. There is none of the gentle movements that you would expect from a sleeping baby. There is just stillness and silence. He begins to walk down the street and he acts the part of the proud parent he is. He was so focused on just walking forward that he didn't realize that he had walked straight back to the apartment building. Looking up at the building, he knows that all he has to do is walk up a set of stairs and take an elevator to the sixth floor. All he had to move but he couldn't.

Licking his lips, he found himself thinking of all the possible alternatives that didn't include going back to Dean. He could leave the city taking his son with him. He could just leave his sons pushchair outside Dean's apartment. He could just go back to the apartment ignoring what had happened in the coffee shop and act surprised when Dean discovered that his son was dead.

Yeah denial was the option he was going for. As for as he was now concerned his son was just sleeping

Dean paced back and forth unable to remain in one place for longer than a few seconds. He couldn't shake the feeling that something bad had happened to Alexander and Sam.

"Dean stop pacing." John said. Since there conversation things had settled down between them to a point where they could stand to be civil to each other.

Dean stopped pacing and fixed his dad with a look that would have killed if he had that power and said. "Sam took Alexander out of this apartment without any protection. Anything could have happened."

"Sam is more than capable of looking after Alexander. You are worrying about nothing." John replied

"Worrying about nothing," Dean said repeating some of his dad's words "Did you forget about the demon we have spent a life time looking for. Did you suddenly forget that there are countless supernatural creatures who want my son? ."

"Sam wouldn't allow anyone or anything to harm Alex. You need to trust him a little." John said.

Without really thinking about it, Dean said. "Don't call Alexander Alex. I don't want his name to be shortened because it's easier for you. As for trusting Sam well that's not going to be something I do straight away. I've been though to much shit in the last few months for my trust of Sam to be automatic."

"Dean, Sam …

Whatever John had been about to say was interrupted by the apartment door opening. Sam walked into the apartment with Alexander in his pushchair and the closing of the door. All of that was completed in a silence that would normally be okay but it just felt odd to Dean

"Hey Dean, dad." Sam said. With great care, he undone the straps that kept his son safe in the buggy and careful picked him up. With a gentleness that came with having such a young son, he held his son close to him. Ignoring the coldness, he could feel on his son's smooth skin. Instead, he chooses to feel warmth that wasn't there.

"It has taken you four hours to sort out a furniture problem I didn't have. Do you have any idea how worried I have been?" Dean demanded. He wasn't going to admit just how emotional he had become since his pregnancy and Alexander's birth. He was damn well entitled to worry about his son's safety.

"Man you shouldn't worry so damn much. I just took my time. I figured that you needed sleep and I wanted to spend more time with my son." Sam said as he rubbed soothing circles on his son's back.

"Sam why is our son so quiet. Last time I took him out in New York he was a little grizzly." Dean said as he took several steps closer to Sam and there son only for Sam to step out of his reach.

"I tired him out." Sam said.

Dean tired not to let the worry show in his voice but the way in which Sam was acting was slowly beginning to creep him out. Sam was far too happy. He was the sort of happy that you see in a Disney movie. Taking a step forward he said. "Can I have our son? I need to give him his next feed."

"I like holding him." Sam said a slight edge of anger beginning to creep into his voice.

"Sam you can't hold our son all day. Just let me feed him and change then him. You can have our son back after I have done that." Dean asked keeping his voice gentle and calm.

"I can have my son back." Sam asked

"Sure." Dean replied as he reached out and took Alexander back from Sam. His relief at having Alexander back in his arms again soon faded into panic and utter devastation. Alexander was far to cold to be normal. With a steady hand, he checked Alexander for a pulse, there wasn't one. Instead of falling apart at the discovery there son was dead he felt an odd calmness come over him. It was more than obvious that what had happened Sam couldn't deal with it. Walking though to there son's nursery he placed there son in his cot. Swallowing back the tears and pain he walked back out of the nursery to there dad and Sam.

"Didn't Alexander need to be feed?" John asked

Without even looking at there dad Dean bluntly said. "Alexander is dead. Judging by how cold he is he has been that way for a while. I want Sam to tell me what happened."

"My son is sleeping." Sam said ignoring the heaviness that was growing in his chest.

He knew Sam was in denial about what had happened but he wasn't in the mood to deal with Sam's denial. He didn't care if this was Sam's way of dealing with what had happened. He just wanted to know if there son's death had been painless. He wanted to know that Alexander didn't suffer. With a steady voice, Dean asked. "Our son is dead and I need to know what happened."

"He is just sleeping." Sam said his voice taking on a slight edge to it.

"Alexander is never going to wake up. I carried him for 30 weeks. I sat by his incubator as he fought for his life. I managed to keep him safe from the demon for seven weeks. You're alone with him for four hours and he dies. Tell me how that happened."

"He is sleeping." Sam insisted. He knew that his son was never going to wake up but he did not want to say that aloud. His continuing denial meant that he could fool himself into thinking his son was still alive.

"Our son is dead and your continuing denial really isn't helping. I want to know how our son died. I need to know." Dean said. For Sam to continue to deny that there was dead he knew that whatever had happened was bad.

"I can't." Sam said

"Do I look like I care?" Dean snapped.

"Dean give Sam some time to accept what has happened." John said coming to the defense of a son who was obviously numb with grief.

"Time," Dean, said, "Alexander is dead and you want me to give Sam time. You don't get to tell me how I should handle this."

"Dean I understand how you feel. When I lost your mom, you want someone to blame. You want answers to all of those questions you have. Sam is in no fit state to answer those questions. You need to calm down Dean and accept that Alexander is dead." John said

"You lost mo over twenty years ago and I know you grieved for her. Losing a wife doesn't compare to losing a child. Alexander was only seven weeks old. He had the rest of his life to live. This is me being calm dad. I have a funeral to organize for Alexander. I have to keep calm because that is the only way I am going to get though the next few days." Dean said. He wasn't going to ask his dad why Sam was the only one who should be comforted. Why was it that his feelings didn't seem to matter as much?

"Dean, Sam is in shock. He can't even admit that Alexander is dead." John said. He wasn't going to start an argument with Dean about how had suffered the most.

"I don't care. I have to deal with this. You're not even considering my feelings. Sam needs to tell me what happened or he can just leave." Dean said

"Dean …

"Don't dad. I don't need you to defend Sam. I don't need your understanding. I just want to know how my son died." Deana said

"I can't dean." Sam said. He knew that he was causing Dean more pain by refusing to say how Alexander had died. He just didn't want to relive that moment. He didn't want to admit that he done nothing to prevent his son's death.

Rubbing a hand over his face Dean tired to reign in some of the anger he was feeling. He desperately attempted to understand why Sam was being so stubborn. He didn't want to believe that there son was dead, but he had held there sons body and it was so hard to deny the obvious. As Sam was so unwilling to share there son's last moments with him, he had to make plans. There son would need to be buried, a funeral needed to be planned. None of that could happen while he was still in New York and the apartment. Ignoring there Dad and Sam he walked though the apartment. Gently he took Alexander out of his cot and put him in the car seat. After securing his son in the car seat, he took a blanket out of the cot and placed it on the car seat. To everyone who looked at his son in the care seat it would appear as if he was just sleeping. Once he was satisfied that Alexander was safe and secure he picked up the car seat and walked out of the nursery.

"Why do you have my son in his car seat?" Sam asked. The last time Dean had taken his away from him in a car seat it had been a two-week separation. He wasn't going to be separated from his son again.

Suddenly all of the anger he had been holding back came flooding out. "Alexander our son but that seems to be something you have trouble remembering. Our son is dead and you can't accept that. Dad seems far more interested in how you're coping. It's like screw Dean his just not as important as Sam. It doesn't matter I'm barely holding everything together. The doctors and Angela are the only people I can trust to help me bury our son. Our son is in his care seat wrapped up in a blanket because I need him to have the appearance of him being alive. I need our son …; I want our son to still be here."

"You can't bury our son." Sam said

"Why." Dean asked.

"He is not dead." Sam said still steadfastly clinging onto that denial. He didn't want to believe that the life had planned with Dean and Alexander was never going too happened.

"Fuck Sam I'm done with you and the whole denial. I don't need to deal with your refusal to accept reality. I really could have done with your help in getting to the clinic but I guess what I want just doesn't matter to you." Dean said as he made a move towards the front door of his apartment.

"You're not leaving with my son." Sam said taking a step closer to Dean.

Inwardly cursing himself for what he was about to say Dean said. "Our son is dead. Do you really want him to stay with you until he rots? I have to tell you Sam a dead rotting corpse isn't a pretty sight. I'm leaving to bury our son. You can either come with me or take dad and get out of my apartment."

"He isn't DEAD." Sam said shouting out the last word as if being loud made the lie more real than it was.

"Have you ever known a baby to be so silent?" Dean asked. He knew that the longer Sam clung onto that denial the harder it would be for Sam to accept there son's death. He wished he could be like Sam and deny there son's death but he couldn't. He had chosen to deal with the brutal reality of the whole situation.

"He could be sleeping." Sam said still desperately clinging onto a denial that could only comfort him for so long.

"You know he isn't sleeping. Our son is never going to reach all those milestones. I know that it hurts to accept our son's death and I would give anything to change that, but I can't. I need you to be with me when I go to the clinic." Dean said.

"What about dad." Sam asked

"What about him. Do you seriously expect me to bring dad with us just to make you feel better. I don't want dad anywhere near the clinic." Dean said.

"He has a right to be there." Sam said even though a small part of his mind was screaming at him that there dad couldn't be trusted with the clinics location. That small part of his mind was being ignored.

Sam was going over old ground again. He was demanding things that had already been given a firm no to. He wasn't in the mood to argue with Sam about there dad all he wanted to do was get to the clinic with Alexander. He needed to organize the funeral before what little resolve he had left broke. Looking at Sam, he didn't see a grief stricken parent he just saw someone who still believed there son was alive. "Are you coming with me?"

"I can't leave dad." Sam said

Tightening his grip on Alexander's car seat, he ruthlessly swallowed down his emotions and tears. He wanted to beg Sam to come with him to the clinic. He needed Sam but he was done asking for things that would never happen. With a voice that sounded a hell of a lot calmer than he felt, he said. "I'm taking Alexander to the clinic. I promised Angela and the doctors I would visit. Why don't you stay here with dad, wait for the furniture to arrive and then come to the clinic."

"You don't mind." Sam asked once again ignoring that part of him that wanted to be with Dean and there son.

"No." Dean said unable to offer any other words for Sam. How much more could he continue to act if he was okay before it becomes obvious he was anything but okay?

"Dean you don't have to do this on your own. Give Sam more time to deal with what has happened. I know a few spells that can stop the decomposition of a body." John said.

"There is never going to be enough time for Sam to accept Alexander's death. Sam is stuck in a world where Alexander is alive and good for him if he can do that. I will not allow you to do any spells on Alexander. Spells are what fucked up everything to begin with. If you want to play the protective brother go right ahead its only fair that everyone gets a chance to do something new in there life at least once." Dean said.

"I have always done the right by you both." John said. He wasn't going to let Dean imply that he had been a bad parent.

Grabbing the impala's car keys from where he had left them on the kitchen counter two earlier he said. "I'm not getting into an argument about how that isn't the truth. So you've finally decided to be a parent well who knew you had that quality. You want to like you give a shit go right ahead."

"Don't talk to me like that. I am your father and you will treat me with respect." John ordered

"You have my respect as a hunter. As a father you have never had that respect." Dean said

"Dean you can't do this alone. Give Sam more time." John said

"I'll be gone for two weeks. Sam knows where I will be if he finally acknowledges our son's death. If he doesn't turn up in those two weeks I want nothing more to do with him." Dean said. He knew it sounded harsh to say that but he had his reasons. He couldn't spend the rest of his life waiting for Sam to do something for him. He needed to plan for a future that wasn't filled with constant disappointments from his family.

"You don't mean that." Sam said a small part of him awakening to the fact that he was about to lose Dean and his son.

"I'm tired of waiting for you to tell me how our son died. I don't want you to accept our son's death in a few weeks or months and expect me to comfort you. I'm handling all of this now and you to as well." Dean said

"I can't … I don't want to." Sam admitted

"I'm done talking to you Sam. I don't want to stand here and have a conversation that just keeps repeating." Dean said as he walked to the apartment's front door and opened it.

"Dean" Sam said stopping Dean before he could walk out of the apartment.

Dean didn't even bother to turn round so that he could once again face Sam. He didn't want to look at Sam again and see that complete and utter denial written all over his face. Taking a breath, he said. "Don't Sam I can't take any more of your excuses. If you want to come to the clinic, you know where it is. If you turn up with dad I will have you both arrested."

"You wouldn't do that to us." Sam said.

"Turn up at the clinic with dad and you'll find out just how serious I am." Dean said as he walked out of the apartment.

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